Let them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till I sank -- but that's not the same thing.

In most board rooms, that would be considered suicide.

Yes! Very funny this terrible thing is. A man that is born falls into a dream like a man who falls into the sea. If he tries to climb out into the air as inexperienced people endeavour to do, he drowns--nicht wahr?
. . . No! I tell you! The way is to the destructive element submit yourself, and with the exertions of your hands and feet in the water make the deep, deep sea keep you up.
So if you ask me--how to be?

This mournful and restless sound was a fit accompaniment to my meditations.

I have had to experience so much stupidity, so many vices, so much error, so much nausea, disillusionment and sorrow, just in order to become a child again and begin anew. I had to experience despair, I had to sink to the greatest mental depths, to thoughts of suicide, in order to experience grace.

I will indulge my sorrows, and give way To all the pangs and fury of despair.