Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.

New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a football team, but the half-time show . . .