Look,' I reason, 'Mommy doesn't wear flowers with lines does she?' She just shrugs as if to say, 'If YOU'RE that controlled by societal opinion, that's you're problem.

I'm the mother of 5. When God said, 'Multiply and replenish the earth' I thought he meant me personally!

You’re the prettiest mommy,” she said and I secretly felt grateful that she didn’t notice the gray and the extra pounds. In my heart I knew however, that if she had, she would have called them something wonderful.

Someone told me once that you can’t be friends with your kids. I say that person is an idiot. You quickly realize that making friends with these little people that confiscate most of your waking hours is a smart move on your part.

My children’s butts seem to be permanently stuck to the living room couch. I often wonder if it’s some kind of earthly magnetic pull that works on teenagers and men past forty.

My children used to whine when I tucked them in, 'I'm not tired!' I kindly but firmly say, 'This is not for your benefit, it's for mine. I'm tired. Now go to bed.