One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugl...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wif...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing every...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD C is for cookie, it's good enough for me; oh cookie cookie cookie starts with C.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my di...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming ho...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professio...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wi...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to kn...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mi...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went o...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he want...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God bea...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, yo...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look ... twins!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up
RODNEY DANGERFIELD One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everythin...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend
RODNEY DANGERFIELD With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever ha...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody wa...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fa...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly to...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Когато бях отвлечен като дете моите похитители изпрат�...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD What a doctor I’ve got—he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to coug...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or yo...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Life's a short trip. You'll find out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
RODNEY DANGERFIELD Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody wa...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs
I say, 'no.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD When you have 435 people who are opinionated... sometimes agreeing on things is difficult.
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I realize I will always be the poster child for police brutality, but I can try to use that as a pos...
RODNEY KING I grew up in Adelaide, Australia. No one in my family had finished high school, and I was smart at m...
RODNEY BROOKS You wind up creating from silence, like painting a picture on a blank canvas that could bring tears ...
RODNEY ATKINS Please, we can get along here.
RODNEY KING If you make your robot look exactly like Albert Einstein, then the robot better be as smart as Einst...
RODNEY BROOKS Many people who say they have no religion are simply saying they have no official religious affiliat...
RODNEY STARK There have been some management issues with Amtrak, but I think they have cleaned up their act.
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I have been pleased to receive petitions from groups that seek a range of new gun control measures a...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I am so excited this year getting to play the 85th Anniversary Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. E...
RODNEY ATKINS Waking up sober is a good day. I love being able to wake up and do positive things, to go to the gym...
RODNEY KING Whatever solutions there are for flood control need to be bipartisan.
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN In the future, I'm sure there will be a lot more robots in every aspect of life. If you told peo...
RODNEY BROOKS Veterans are a symbol of what makes our nation great, and we must never forget all they have done to...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Kids today know way more than you think they do, with the Internet and 500 TV channels.
RODNEY CARRINGTON Some residents, I suspect, may be politically motivated in suggesting that having two members of Con...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN The more members of the clergy that are out there working to expand their congregations, the more pe...
RODNEY STARK Leading Christian theologians such as Augustine and Aquinas were not what today might be called '...
RODNEY STARK It is important for me to personally visit Superfund sites to assess the progress being made.
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN What I've learned to do is arrest my addiction - arrest it myself, so I don't get arrested.
RODNEY KING You choose to be happy, and in life we have as many good days as bad days. I try to find and record ...
RODNEY ATKINS I grew up playing music and enjoying good food, friends and family in my own backyard.
RODNEY ATKINS I see robotic technology getting rid of the dangerous, the dirty, and the just plain boring jobs. So...
RODNEY BROOKS Our nation has invested millions of dollars in building safe, humane and, I may say, air-conditioned...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Theology is in disrepute among most Western intellectuals. The word is taken to mean a passe form of...
RODNEY STARK I can remember when President Nixon basically said, 'All troops have been withdrawn from the del...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I absolutely intend to return every penny given to me by my Democratic colleagues and Democratic lea...
RODNEY ALEXANDER As we look deeply within, we understand our perfect balance. There is no fear of the cycle of birth,...
RODNEY YEE You can talk about anything if you go about it the right way, which is never malicious.
RODNEY CARRINGTON Two big questions that people ask me are: if we make these robots more and more human-like, will we ...
RODNEY BROOKS It is now clear that the president violated both his oath of office and the oath he took to tell the...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Robotics is very interdisciplinary, and so, except at a very few colleges, there is not a major that...
RODNEY BROOKS I'm fiscally conservative but socially moderate. A moderate Republican - there just aren't m...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN To me, the New Jersey law enforcement community, and many other Americans, one of the biggest impedi...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN He's 6-foot-4, runs like a deer and can jump like Kobe Bryant.
RODNEY HARRISON Skaters, I think they tend to be outsiders who seek a sense of belonging, but belonging on their own...
RODNEY MULLEN It is a static display and I think the younger generation wants flash images and a lot of things hap...
RODNEY FONG As far as having peace within myself, the one way I can do that is forgiving the people who have don...
RODNEY KING I've never really focused on if I had good habits when I sang or if I had bad habits, or if I wa...
RODNEY ATKINS I think fundraising has a lot to do with political viability.
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN There are some very high tenor parts in really exposed places. It calls for heroic tenors.
RODNEY WYNKOOP There are some key movers and shakers that have at least verbally committed to contribute to my camp...
RODNEY WOODS The offense did just enough and the defense pretty much went into the game saying if [the Cowboys] d...
RODNEY HARRISON I could be on 52nd and Third in Manhattan up and ask a strange for directions and they will help you...
RODNEY ATKINS Over the years, a lot of rappers - Lil' Wayne, Ice Cube - have used my name in their songs. I...
RODNEY KING The Christian image of God is that of a rational being who believes in human progress, more fully re...
RODNEY STARK The Christian image of God is that of a rational being who believes in human progress.
RODNEY STARK When I did 'The Tonight Show' and Jay Leno was still there, he was very nice but it was surr...
RODNEY ATKINS But I have vertigo... I lose my equilibrium easily. I can lean out to look at something and just kee...
RODNEY ATKINS That's been our Achilles heel. We knew it. It's just a mental thing. We missed opportunities. But to...
RODNEY WESLEY One of the keys of playing San Francisco is containing Alan when he gets the ball in the high post. ...
RODNEY TENTION He's the best in the business. He's a beast. We miss his leadership. We miss his smile. We miss his ...
RODNEY HARRISON I turned around and I saw him down and I just started praying for him because you never want to see ...
RODNEY HARRISON I don't anticipate any problems. Eric's been in the system. We love both of those guys to death. We ...
RODNEY HARRISON There's nothing easy about winning a game in the National Football League, let alone winning a champ...
RODNEY HARRISON We're not defending anything, because we don't have anything. (This) is a new season, just like 2005...
RODNEY HARRISON It's very hard. You see the score and you want to slack up. But you can't because Cal is on the side...
RODNEY CARNEY I played against him in basketball tournaments back in New York, prep school, anything you can name ...
RODNEY EPPERSON The energy of college football rivals that of a live performance for me. I am an extremely analytica...
RODNEY ATKINS People look at me like I should have been like Malcolm X or Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks. I shou...
RODNEY KING I won some genetic lottery. I always happened to be strangely good at mathematics in my head. I just...
RODNEY BROOKS She took a great angle. We've been stressing that. Early on in the season we weren't taking great an...
RODNEY TAYLOR The great myth that many social scientists want to encourage is that there is an incompatibility bet...
RODNEY STARK Well, he's a fiery guy. He's very competitive. He's high-spirited, he's emotional. ... I guess he's ...
RODNEY HARRISON We have to accept that we are just machines. That's certainly what modern molecular biology says...
RODNEY BROOKS We cannot let these sounds [find] and over-excite a sympathetic resonance.
RODNEY ROCHA The most glaringly obvious fact about the present case is the significant media and public interest ...
RODNEY MELVILLE I couldn't live here. The real estate is too high.
RODNEY CARNEY Do you want me to shut the trial down this afternoon? ... You are not to engage in this kind of inte...
RODNEY MELVILLE We as taxpayers have put in well over $12 to $15 billion of investment in a repository for high-leve...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Let me make it clear: I support health care reform. I just don't support Nancy Pelosi's vers...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN I think it's better to wear outfits because everyone has on the same thing.
RODNEY HUGHES I don't see how you can grow as a world without being able to get along with people. So many peo...
RODNEY KING Hands-on experience is the best way to learn about all the interdisciplinary aspects of robotics.
RODNEY BROOKS I saw my hometown burning that day.
RODNEY KING The purpose of the 'Way Forward Group' is simply to do, in a formal way, what the royal family in Br...
RODNEY BARKER The current sleaze scandal is potentially very, very damaging indeed for the government, because the...
RODNEY BARKER If you look at almost any prominent political thinking intellectual these days, they have all moved ...
RODNEY BARKER This is purely an intellectual endeavor.
RODNEY MARTIN 'It's Alright, Ma' would be the prototype for that tune, I freely admit, ... When I was 12 years old...
RODNEY CROWELL I kicked it in full gear on the last lap, and ran it in like 52 seconds.
RODNEY OYLER The only place for women in football is making the tea at half-time.
RODNEY MARSH ...but we know better now, don't we?
RODNEY LOVELL So maybe with the research robots that are out there, people will come up with ways to use them to t...
RODNEY BROOKS The Keystone pipeline is one of those things that's sort of a political driver. And mostly, the ...
RODNEY FRELINGHUYSEN Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' T...
RODNEY ATKINS Our external experiences are what make us different. Our internal systems are what make us the same.
RODNEY LOVELL Judge yourself fairly. Sentence yourself lightly. Pardon yourself often.
RODNEY LOVELL An infinitesimal illumination is most valuable in the darkest room.
RODNEY LOVELL Sometimes a significant truth is found in a simple sentence.
RODNEY LOVELL