Man is a free agent; were it otherwise, the priests could not damn him

The first priest was the first rogue who met the first fool

Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion –- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven.

A clergyman is one who feels himself called upon to live without working at the expense of the rascals who work to live

It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not

Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal.