FastSaying

Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do that on people.


David Sedaris

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You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS I started out as a writer. Poetry and prose and also kind of satirical David Sedaris-esque stuff.
PAULEY PERRETTE I always loved comedy, but I never knew it was something you could learn to do. I always thought tha...
PAUL REISER I always imitated other people and thought, 'Well, maybe I'll do standup,' but I was too...
JEFF BENNETT Experience has shown me that standing by oneself reading from one's book isn't especially co...
GAYLE FORMAN I thought he should have realized sooner that important people don't show up very often, and you sho...
LORRAINE ZAGO ROSENTHAL I went on a children's roller coaster once when I was maybe 12-or some age when I was considered a l...
RACHAEL LEIGH Maybe a deal was possible earlier. And maybe, in retrospect, looking back, you could say this was a ...
ARTHUR JR Maybe a deal was possible earlier. And maybe, in retrospect, looking back, you could say this was a ...
ARTHUR SULZBERGER JR Anytime you wonder about something, keep in mind and remember, there is something that can make you ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I have always thought it was a terrible shame that the women's movement didn't realise how m...
NORA EPHRON So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.
MARK TWAIN If tomorrow was yesterday then yesterday would be tomorrow, if we think about the past why not think...
GARY F EVANS... People were saying that David Geffen and I had gotten married and it just blew me away. Not that the...
KEANU REEVES A clear passion, a resolute determination, a can-do spirit; these are the rods for creating a great ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR Back at home, everybody always thought that David was going to be big time. When he was in Minnesota...
MANNY ACTA My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.
ANNA HELD It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER There are so many things we do in life that define the real meaning of our lives. There are so many ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I think it's part of the business. The only thing that's bothersome is the way you approach your tho...
DEAN MCAMMOND I come home that morning, after I been fired, and stood outside my house with my new work shoes on. ...
KATHRYN STOCKETT Stairs to climb are difficult it takes time and effort and going down is easies job... what do I mea...
DEYTH BANGER Just do it ! Just don't waste your time learning how to do it !
EPHDAN I think it was always there and it was maybe a matter of bringing it out. It was harder than I thoug...
GUY LAFLEUR He looked at the viewscreen and couldn’t believe it. If the other ship were any closer, then it wo...
CHRISTINA ENGELA blackmagic on a person http://www.astrodost.com/how-to-do-black-magic-on-a-person blackmagic on a pe...
ASTRODOST To change yourself you have to move from where you are and take a step, then you have to be willing ...
BRENT M. JONES He considered it a shame when people couldn't grasp the infinite-a failure not just of imagination b...
JESS WALTER I hate it. I hate taxidermy shops and all that crap.
MICHAEL JACKSON I think they maybe didn't like my demands and they thought I was really hard on them and I was never...
BILL HOWARD Maybe that's why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn't able to do what it ...
BRIAN SELZNICK ive loved an ive falllen but yet until now ive always gotten back up but ur blow to the heart has su...
AMBER FAITH HUN It has always been that way with David, people pick up on any mistake he makes,
STUART PEARCE I believe that you can always learn from observation.
TAMARA TUNIE When I was a teenager, I thought maybe I'll be a filmmaker, making film documentaries. My dream ...
ISABELLA ROSSELLINI I find people interesting. People trying hard are interesting. People with a passion are interesting...
CLARE BALDING Maybe that's all that praying was, she thought, just wishing good outcomes on other people.
KATHARINE MCGEE Art is never finished, only abandoned.
, (MAYBE) I loved all fantasy, and I always thought that the ideal job as a performer and an entertainer would...
ERICA CERRA YOU are YOU! Know YOU can! YOU must not be afraid because God has a prosperous future plan for YOU! ...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR To know the hurt of what losing a loved one brings. Well put it this way time does not heal, you lea...
GARY F EVANS... When the prospects of fame fortune bring thought to a life of no worry, it brings other worries in t...
GARY F EVANS... If you do good, you may forget it; but if you do ill, you will always remember it.
VIKRANT PARSAI he called you a hoe cuz he couldnt stop thinking of you with someone else and that scared him he cal...
WOW I didn't play as much as maybe I thought I should or maybe I thought I would have. It wasn't the tot...
CURT WHEELER I have had my labor for my travail; ill-thought-on of her, and ill-thought-on of you; gone between ...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I think we're better than people maybe thought. I really do,
JEB PUTZIER During that first round of cancer treatment, he [David] was by my bedside the whole time. And, it wa...
AMY DULWORTH It was me, David and one phone line. David was up here on Labor Day answering phones. People would c...
ADAM YOUNG I always thought it was an old person's disease. My grandmother had both eyes done, so maybe it was ...
TODD WHITE People who achieve big things are those who decide to try ideas that were previously rated and grade...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR I thought it was pretty cool. Not many people get a chance to do that.
MARGO MUHLBAUER Do the thing and you will have the power.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON I've learned that you learn best by modeling. If you want people to learn, do it!
LEO BUSCAGLIA How do you create chemistry? If only I knew that! Some people say it's a natural thing that you ...
KAREN GILLAN Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautif...
HENRY BROMEL Heck gave us some problems. I thought maybe we needed to introduce David Patten to him at halftime s...
JOE CRAVENS I was never looking to be popular. The trade-off for me in seeking other people's opinions is th...
CHRIS CUOMO Some people are so busy learning the tricks of the trade that they never learn the trade.
VERNON LAW The ballot did two things. One was to indicate teams that you thought ought to be considered - 1 to ...
CHARLES HARRIS Don't you feel shame? I thought scum like you could at least feel shame
KOHTA HIRANO I didn't want her to rush into it. I thought maybe it was a little early, and since it wasn't obliga...
EANASS FAHMY There were a lot of ideas, maybe even some we had not considered. It was good to get that feedback.
DANA HARTLEY It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.
NAPOLEON HILL By doing nothing we learn to do ill.
PROVERB You learn more from your mistakes than you do from your success, and last year I learned a lot. That...
DALE EARNHARDT JR I always thought acting was all lights, camera, action. It's a job; you have to do your job corr...
COREY HAIM I've thought about it a hundred times. I even buy bridal magazines sometimes. I want David Tuter...
MARLEN ESPARZA I was always a dreamer, in childhood especially. People thought I was a little strange.
CHARLEY PRIDE I've always considered making it legal for Americans to import their prescription drugs a free-t...
CHUCK GRASSLEY 'Red Dawn' was very resonant with a lot of people - they love that movie. I always thought i...
LEA THOMPSON I always thought that if people got a chance to tune in to my message, hear what I have to say, that...
ANTHONY WEINER If you want to really learn your playbook, you just do it.
ERIC BERRY People are supposed to read it, maybe learn a little bit, maybe have a chuckle, and then have an int...
HOWARD BLOOM Beyonce was just always full-out. She's like a beast. So you learn that no matter how you feel, ...
HEATHER MORRIS We always trained together because the training is so intense, ... Hindsight is 20-20 - maybe that w...
DON CHERRY Usually, the drug of choice for African-Americans is cocaine, ... Ive battled with it even though I ...
BRIAN CALDWELL Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, ... I don't think people are going to fall f...
LORNE CALVERT There are people who are profoundly mentally ill. But we now have a very weird perspective on mental...
K. FLAY I have always considered David Hume as approaching as nearly the idea of a perfectly wise and virtuo...
ADAM SMITH Nothing to me seems insurmountable. We can always find a way to reach a goal. I have never thought, ...
KATIE MURPHY Once she exclaimed, "But I always thought that sorceresses were evil!"
"What do you mean 'evil'...
GERALD MORRIS Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But Im not concerned about ...
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I went to a private school, and I struggled academically. It was really disheartening to always be c...
GIA COPPOLA I realized at one point that David and I had not made a record together in almost 26 years and I tho...
GRAHAM NASH Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever ...
SUSANNA KAYSEN Puck’s eyes gleamed, feral and menacing. “Oh, I don’t know, princess. Maybe it was because I w...
JULIE KAGAWA I was a student at SF State, and I honestly didn't know where I was headed. I thought maybe some...
LISA CHOLODENKO (On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".
SPIKE MILLIGAN Throughout my life people considered me a fool just because I thought they were not.
ARSLAN AHMAD I've always thought that I'm sexy in my own right, but not in a way that people thought was ...
LAURA LINNEY I always thought 'love at first sight' was silly and incredibly irresponsible. Then, you came along ...
LANEY SMITH I'd always thought telling the truth to other people was hard, but maybe that was a snap compared to...
DEB CALETTI I was always pretty good at school, but a lot of it was memorising, maybe cheating off your mates, s...
FRANK LAMPARD It makes you wonder why the human race can be so selfish and self-centered sometimes, when on cold w...
GARY F EVANS... I thought she had a good heart, though not much respectability- or maybe it was because of that.
MARY WEBB I think a lot of people thought that was it. We've done everything we could do, and I think that wou...
BRUCE PEARL Deep down, my ego always thought that I would outlast a lot of people that I was competing against.
GEORGE MICHAEL My brother and I have always had this theory that, as stupid as it sounds, in video games, there is ...
LANDON DONOVAN That was big. Last year I remember he hit three in a game where (Garner) was ill. ... Maybe I should...
CECIL COOPER

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If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
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DAVID SEDARIS On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From ...
DAVID SEDARIS When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that,...
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DAVID SEDARIS There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus “Leave me the fuck alone” comes o...
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DAVID SEDARIS On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot...
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DAVID SEDARIS Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt...
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DAVID SEDARIS Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and...
DAVID SEDARIS Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
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DAVID SEDARIS I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little fing...
DAVID SEDARIS Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
DAVID SEDARIS … [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve...
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DAVID SEDARIS When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shi...
DAVID SEDARIS the lower bunks, both of us longing to be pinned. “You kids think you invented sex,” my mother w...
DAVID SEDARIS Someone in our family had taken to wiping his or her ass on the bath towels. What made this exceptio...
DAVID SEDARIS The whole notion of the nursing home was something dreamed up by people like my mother; American wom...
DAVID SEDARIS The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were w...
DAVID SEDARIS the beauty of an art school: as long as you can pay the tuition, they will never, even in the gentle...
DAVID SEDARIS The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing some...
DAVID SEDARIS You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholi...
DAVID SEDARIS What are you, tap dancing up there? You want a put on a show, do you? Well, the theater's closed for...
DAVID SEDARIS You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, j...
DAVID SEDARIS My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for _who_ I am. Concentrate too hard...
DAVID SEDARIS They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of...
DAVID SEDARIS Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out o...
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DAVID SEDARIS He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!
DAVID SEDARIS Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where ...
DAVID SEDARIS We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy han...
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DAVID SEDARIS As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
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DAVID SEDARIS I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
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DAVID SEDARIS I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.
DAVID SEDARIS College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for...
DAVID SEDARIS between the disfigurement and the muzzle, it's nearly impossible to catch what she's saying. Always,...
DAVID SEDARIS Shit is the tofu of cursing.
DAVID SEDARIS I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective c...
DAVID SEDARIS Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that t...
DAVID SEDARIS When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had no...
DAVID SEDARIS If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven...
DAVID SEDARIS The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as lo...
DAVID SEDARIS Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
DAVID SEDARIS That man tried to picka my frienda’s pocketoni!
DAVID SEDARIS They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should...
DAVID SEDARIS All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is sa...
DAVID SEDARIS He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
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DAVID SEDARIS I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no...
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DAVID SEDARIS Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the...
DAVID SEDARIS Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in th...
DAVID SEDARIS whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn ...
DAVID SEDARIS If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
DAVID SEDARIS I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk mo...
DAVID SEDARIS I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
DAVID SEDARIS I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
DAVID SEDARIS My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
DAVID SEDARIS I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
DAVID SEDARIS But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
DAVID SEDARIS The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I ...
DAVID SEDARIS Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has...
DAVID SEDARIS Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconvenienc...
DAVID SEDARIS Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his ...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were ...
AMY SEDARIS I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my...
AMY SEDARIS My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
AMY SEDARIS I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someo...
AMY SEDARIS You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use y...
AMY SEDARIS I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to mak...
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's ...
AMY SEDARIS People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
AMY SEDARIS I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But...
AMY SEDARIS I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be'...
AMY SEDARIS More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it becaus...
AMY SEDARIS I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
AMY SEDARIS If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I alway...
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character acto...
AMY SEDARIS Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny ...
AMY SEDARIS But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
AMY SEDARIS My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
AMY SEDARIS When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yoursel...
AMY SEDARIS Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
AMY SEDARIS I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
AMY SEDARIS I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, includ...
AMY SEDARIS I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd ge...
AMY SEDARIS I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff ...
AMY SEDARIS We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
AMY SEDARIS My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea m...
AMY SEDARIS I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
AMY SEDARIS My characters always like themselves.
AMY SEDARIS It's all about process to me - as long as it's fun to me, I don't care about the final product.
AMY SEDARIS It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high...
AMY SEDARIS I'm satisfied just thinking of the idea.
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS I'm not a first-place person.
AMY SEDARIS You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors w...
AMY SEDARIS I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
AMY SEDARIS It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby...
AMY SEDARIS I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS