Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.


Ellen DeGeneres

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, tha...
NORM MACDONALD
I find that it's nice to work with somebody and spin off on someone else's feelings. You get...
HERB ALPERT
Art is interesting because there can be so many different perspectives in a piece of art. The way I ...
JOAKIM NOAH
With drama, you know if you're having a true moment, but in comedy, if somebody doesn't laug...
BROOKE NEVIN
I love making music, but if you make something that inspires somebody else to make something, withou...
HOZIER
People is, I think, it's their nature - some people's nature, in a way, to be angry or jealo...
JILL SCOTT
I like somebody who's not so crazy but likes to have a good time... and who is thoughtful and ki...
KATE BOSWORTH
I don't care if it's somebody else's song. Most of the time, you'll find that I'...
TAJ MAHAL
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn o...
JENNY ECLAIR
I don't want to be in somebody else's movie, and then they make all the money. I've gott...
EAZY-E
Putting somebody else's pants on and pretending to be somebody else is occasionally, as you grow...
JAMES GANDOLFINI
Kevin Hart. He's the man! I like his style. He's short, so I can relate. All the stories he ...
CAMERON BOYCE
I always leave that for other people to decide, because some of the things I consider to be disaster...
CHRISTIAN BALE
I loved to make people laugh in high school, and then I found I loved being on stage in front of peo...
STEVE MARTIN
The only thing that I don't like is my kids watching comedy that isn't actually funny. There...
STEPHEN COLBERT
The thing with food is that you can give 20 people the same recipe and the same ingredients, and som...
DWEEZIL ZAPPA
I do love comedy, and when it's a comedy moment and you can make people laugh, of course it is w...
MAGGIE SMITH
The first purpose of comedy is to make people laugh. Anything deeper is a bonus. Some comedians want...
TREVOR NOAH
I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'...
JIMMY FALLON
The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I ju...
BILL BURR
Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a ban...
SHAH RUKH KHAN
I'd done a ton of movies here in Hollywood, and I realized that every movie I'd done was som...
HARLAND WILLIAMS
It's funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast, loose and impr...
ABEL FERRARA
When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We ...
MITCHELL HURWITZ
People expect us to be different, but we're not. We're very similar people, and it's bec...
ADRIAN EDMONDSON
An actor is somebody who communicates someone else's words and emotions to an audience. It's...
MAGGIE SMITH
It's hard being a hostage in somebody else's mouth - or a character in somebody else's n...
DAVID ANTIN
I love a good laugh as well, I think that's so important in life, which is probably why I've...
PAUL KANE
I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can...
LUKE WILSON
You see somebody on a football field make a great, athletic 70-yard run, but the athleticism is imme...
ASHTON EATON
I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the pur...
ALBERT BROOKS
I don't want to play earnest. I'd rather play somebody who's kind of sleazy. It's mu...
JACK COLEMAN
I'm kind of a laugh junkie. It's what I appreciate in life, because life is rich and sometim...
MARY STEENBURGEN
Some of my fans don't really like it when I respond to people who say things that are trying to ...
RICKIE FOWLER
Stand-up and sketch and improv - that's the most direct contact you can have with somebody, maki...
T. J. MILLER
Being able to laugh at a situation can help you hang on to your perspective. And there's an inti...
ERIC MABIUS
As authors, most - most authors, our art is portraying the human condition. Trying to show you what ...
PATRICK ROTHFUSS
And then as I got older, see, I think a lot of times with comics, your life kind of permeates your a...
BILLY GARDELL
I love somebody who can make me laugh and be a goofball. I think it's incredibly sexy if a guy c...
JESSICA BIEL
I can't tell if I want to be a rapper who's funny because I kind of enjoy just doing really ...
AWKWAFINA
Over the years, I think, people - actors, writers, whatever - lose their frame of reference. Their f...
MICHAEL KEATON
I want to be part of Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame, but I don't want to be part of th...
BARRY BONDS
If I can tell someone a story that makes them bend over and laugh, that's bigger than anything e...
BERNIE MAC
I have my own biography of Gram Parsons - I don't want to be part of somebody else's.
EMMYLOU HARRIS
I'm definitely one of those chicks who want to be in a relationship. I need somebody who can mak...
ALY MICHALKA
My life choices are not supposed to be the gateway to somebody else's. That's my journey.
DREW BARRYMORE
Look, I want to be able to make the stupidest movies ever, because they make people laugh and they m...
MARLON WAYANS
If I'm going to go out to be a solo artist, it's because I want to do something different wi...
CHRIS CORNELL
It's real easy in a lot of businesses for your head to swell up, and you become somebody else. S...
BRANTLEY GILBERT
I think - you know, I want to intimidate people when I'm on the field. I want people to be scare...
CARLI LLOYD
I have such an ego 'cause I'm a double Leo. I can't let go of me, you know, so it's ...
PAUL MOONEY
I think there's nothing better than laughing in life, so that's nice, to be thought of as so...
JOAN CUSACK
The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else'...
MAYA ANGELOU
I like to do comedy. It's my real passion. I want to make people laugh.
GAD ELMALEH
I love making people laugh and feel good, and that's awesome and special for me to be able to do...
DWAYNE JOHNSON
I laugh a lot in horror films. If I'm scared in a horror film, I try to think about what's s...
JASON REITMAN
I see it every day: People trying to create a home that somebody else tells them they should have. I...
NATE BERKUS
In general, in any kind of stepparent relationship, I'm happy that there's somebody else lov...
ELIN NORDEGREN
I think comedy is a good way to help people change their minds. I think that if you're laughing ...
MAZ JOBRANI
I'm definitely more at ease with comedy - that's where I started out - and so it's my fi...
OMAR SY
I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of peopl...
DAVE CHAPPELLE
I really like 'Shameless' because it brings up important issues, but we get to talk and laug...
JUSTIN CHATWIN
I'm all in favor of people - myself included - going into the same territory if there's some...
MICHAEL LEHMANN
People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it'...
NICK CAVE
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers...
JERRY SEINFELD
I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER
Something that's good in the mini-culture of 'Happy Endings' is that the goal is to try ...
CASEY WILSON
If you have a character that doesn't have anything wrong with him, there's nothing funny abo...
WILL ARNETT
It's kind of like a challenge to myself to be able to hear somebody else's hook and kind of ...
EMINEM
It's a very brave thing to fall in love. You have to be willing to trust somebody else with your...
NICOLE KIDMAN
I don't even know where to start in terms of people having such an issue about color, especially...
ALEK WEK
Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewh...
SAM KINISON
Life is too short to be living somebody else's dream.
HUGH HEFNER
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're al...
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
WILL ROGERS
I think we simply all like to project ourselves into somebody else - somebody who is better-looking,...
RICHARD D. ZANUCK
It's strange: I've done so many things up until I did 'Obvious Child,' including wri...
JENNY SLATE
On the road we're somebody else's guests - and we play in a way that they're not going t...
KNUTE ROCKNE
I'd rather get a good clean laugh with good material, than an easy laugh by swearing or shocking...
JIM DALE
If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them an...
BILL COSBY
When you're a woman, you have to work harder to get a laugh... I follow so many hilarious women ...
RAINBOW ROWELL
I'm not trying to get myself up a notch on the ladder by shoving somebody else down on the ladde...
GEORGE H. W. BUSH
Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could jus...
TODD PHILLIPS
The fantasy that appeals most to people is the kind that's rooted thoroughly in somebody looking...
TAMORA PIERCE
What's funny is funny. The same thing that made you laugh a hundred years ago makes you laugh no...
CHEVY CHASE
I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people la...
ROSEANNE BARR
It's funny: most people who recognize me on the subway and stuff - it's much more they think...
PAUL GIAMATTI
It's great fun if you get a good piece of writing and you can pretend to be someone else, tell a...
COLIN HAY
I'm doing my best to be mindful about how I'm living: to be kind and patient, and not to imp...
DEIRDRE O'KANE
When I'm writing, I need to amplify my thoughts and feelings on just a conversation that I might...
JAMES BAY
I don't want to use my creative energy on somebody else's user interface.
JEFF BEZOS
On the field, you have to be aggressive; you're thinking how to get the better of a situation. I...
YUVRAJ SINGH
There's something in the moment when you can make them laugh or cry and show and incredibly comp...
GEDDE WATANABE
It's so great to love somebody and, out of that, to make a child. So that's my goal.
NASTASSJA KINSKI
Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and ...
DAVID BYRNE
There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you...
JEFF GARLIN
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
WILL ROGERS
I don't want to go slumming in somebody else's pain just to write a book. I want to go into ...
PATRICIA MCCORMICK
Hate is self-destructive. If you hate somebody, you're not hurting the person you hate. You'...
LOUIS ZAMPERINI
I never breathe through the nose, not when I'm singing. In the opera, you don't have so much...
BEVERLY SILLS

More Ellen DeGeneres

I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I would love for the world to be happier.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me...
ELLEN DEGENERES
So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying i...
ELLEN DEGENERES
If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wan...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think peop...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
ELLEN DEGENERES
And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happe...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
ELLEN DEGENERES
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens....
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual....
ELLEN DEGENERES
Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear a...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should reali...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
ELLEN DEGENERES
If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
ELLEN DEGENERES
If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birt...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and sl...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Haiku sounds like I'm
Saying hi to someone named
Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school. ELLEN DEGENERES
Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help som...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim thr...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yours...
ELLEN DEGENERES
So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless y...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all di...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't ev...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also ha...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for brea...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clappin...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.
ELLEN DEGENERES
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neigh...
ELLEN DEGENERES
What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is ab...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
ELLEN DEGENERES
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when...
ELLEN DEGENERES
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the c...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if peo...
ELLEN DEGENERES
If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should u...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, So...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is c...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Don't give advice. It will come back and bite you in the [butt]. Don't take anyone's advice. So, my ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anyb...
ELLEN DEGENERES
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
ELLEN DEGENERES
The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with any...
ELLEN DEGENERES
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beauti...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity an...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatr...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Whatever you define family as, family is just a part of belonging to something that takes care of yo...
ELLEN DEGENERES
We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours a...
ELLEN DEGENERES
If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the w...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with.
ELLEN DEGENERES
We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I didn't grow up in a house - we moved a lot, and we always lived in apartments. But we looked a...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dia...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I love kids. But that's such a big commitment. And it seems long-term. It seems like a commitmen...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about w...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we'r...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'...
ELLEN DEGENERES
My father was a first reader in the Christian Science Church, which is similar to being a preacher. ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
ELLEN DEGENERES
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tabl...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an i...
ELLEN DEGENERES
When I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought, " When I grow up, I want to...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I thi...
ELLEN DEGENERES
What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. B...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I...
ELLEN DEGENERES
They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thou...
ELLEN DEGENERES
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was s...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and ha...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. I...
ELLEN DEGENERES
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but lo...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if t...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the wo...
ELLEN DEGENERES
People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.
ELLEN DEGENERES
And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is abo...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had...
ELLEN DEGENERES
its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow
ELLEN DEGENERES
I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a rel...
ELLEN DEGENERES
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
ELLEN DEGENERES
And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards.
ELLEN DEGENERES
We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Soap Talk.
ELLEN DEGENERES
There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly,...
ELLEN DEGENERES
[I went to a] coffee shop here and the smallest coffee is a tall... "I need a coffee with a side of ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I didn't want the Web site to be impersonal and I wanted to interact with people, ... The hammer and...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on...
ELLEN DEGENERES
[Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eigh...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of w...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw eve...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I do fantasize about having my own shop one day.
ELLEN DEGENERES
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's g...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.
ELLEN DEGENERES
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. The...
ELLEN DEGENERES
If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one...
ELLEN DEGENERES
...if you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's...
ELLEN DEGENERES
When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistaken...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'

Ellen: 'No, not unless y...
ELLEN DEGENERES
My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost...
ELLEN DEGENERES
My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and th...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." ELLEN DEGENERES "I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just lik...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet - to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-fe...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, ever...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I think I let go of the need for approval,
ELLEN DEGENERES
I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used t...
ELLEN DEGENERES
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get o...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincid...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me be...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain.
ELLEN DEGENERES
That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.
ELLEN DEGENERES
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and list...
ELLEN DEGENERES
[• Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my g...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises."
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It's definitely a heterosexual feeling, but it's directed at you.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old w...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from......
ELLEN DEGENERES
Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right be...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got re...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gros...
ELLEN DEGENERES
New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my...
ELLEN DEGENERES
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There w...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.
ELLEN DEGENERES
I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getti...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses,...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slo...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these d...
ELLEN DEGENERES
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's c...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm grateful for everything. I'm grateful for my health, and I'm so grateful for the lov...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I say always follow your passion, no matter what, because even if it's not the same financial su...
ELLEN DEGENERES
There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would ...
ELLEN DEGENERES