My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

My love is pizza shaped. Won’t you have a slice? It’s circular, so there’s enough to go around.


I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.

I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all.

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

I had a dream about you. You were wearing Sylvester Stallone's sneer as pants, but his lips were saggy on your legs, so you had to wear a mustache as a belt.