My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

I am a Millionaire. That is my religion.

Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.