I think, therefore I'm single.
ROSE FRANKEN Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
ROSE FRANKEN You can't change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything ...
AL FRANKEN My spiritual life is... sometimes I have access to it and sometimes I don't. When I do have acce...
AL FRANKEN When I first started writing for television in the seventies and eighties, the Internet didn't e...
AL FRANKEN not good enough to be endorsed by Fox News.
AL FRANKEN A brief digression on whether that suspicious-looking mole is actually cancer. ... Take this simple ...
AL FRANKEN The irony upon irony of this lawsuit was great. First, Fox having the trademark 'fair and balanced' ...
AL FRANKEN He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four po...
AL FRANKEN When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them b...
AL FRANKEN I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-one it, people like me.
AL FRANKEN It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
AL FRANKEN Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lesson...
AL FRANKEN The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings...
AL FRANKEN I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's butt from 94 to 98. I got that from Briti...
AL FRANKEN I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh de...
AL FRANKEN Net neutrality isn't a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues ...
AL FRANKEN To make the argument that the media has a left- or right-wing, or a liberal or a conservative bias, ...
AL FRANKEN Some of George W. Bush's friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during th...
AL FRANKEN But in the right-wing media, they do have a right-wing bias. And they also have an agenda. So their ...
AL FRANKEN Teen pregnancy went way down in the '90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of c...
AL FRANKEN The point is that there is tremendous hypocrisy among the Christian right. And I think that Christia...
AL FRANKEN Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lesson...
AL FRANKEN Does the mainstream media have a liberal bias? On a couple of things, maybe. Compared to the America...
AL FRANKEN I don't consider myself an artist necessarily, but craftsmen or people in the arts, their spirit...
AL FRANKEN I'm a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I'm invited to all...
AL FRANKEN If you use a cell phone - as I do - your wireless carrier likely has records about your physical mov...
AL FRANKEN It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
AL FRANKEN As someone who's spent time with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours and met wounded...
AL FRANKEN It's hard to have that debate around secret programs authorized by secret legal opinions issued ...
AL FRANKEN Veterans report that service dogs help break their isolation. People will often avert their eyes whe...
AL FRANKEN I hope you realize, in a democracy, laughter is assent.
AL FRANKEN Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spect...
AL FRANKEN I couldn't think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow's leaders.
AL FRANKEN Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of ...
AL FRANKEN The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting rat...
AL FRANKEN When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about pro...
AL FRANKEN The government must give proper weight to both keeping America safe from terrorists and protecting A...
AL FRANKEN Most Americans don't think about antitrust law when they look at their cable bill, flip channels...
AL FRANKEN Antitrust law isn't about protecting competing businesses from each other, it's about protec...
AL FRANKEN Changing technologies, changing marketplaces, and even changing trends in anti-competitive practices...
AL FRANKEN When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that...
AL FRANKEN I don't think I'm an angry person. I think I'm a person who's angry. I'm angry a...
AL FRANKEN Our laws need to reflect the evolution of technology and the changing expectations of American socie...
AL FRANKEN We owe an historic debt to American Indians. They have a unique set of concerns that haven't bee...
AL FRANKEN Minnesotans lost their jobs because the credit rating agencies didn't do the only job they'r...
AL FRANKEN I ask the American people not to fall victim to disinformation. There are no death panels. The Affor...
AL FRANKEN There's no comparison between NPR and the propaganda that you hear from Rush or from Sean Hannit...
AL FRANKEN For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them w...
AL FRANKEN As a source of innovation, an engine of our economy, and a forum for our political discourse, the In...
AL FRANKEN Liberals like me love America. We just love America in a different way.
AL FRANKEN Demagoguery sells. And therefore, radio stations will put it on. But that doesn't mean that you ...
AL FRANKEN Demagoguery sells. And therefore radio stations will put it on. But that doesn't mean that you c...
AL FRANKEN Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
AL FRANKEN People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made ke...
AL FRANKEN I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.
AL FRANKEN Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
AL FRANKEN The Founders who crafted our Constitution and Bill of Rights were careful to draft a Constitution of...
AL FRANKEN National security laws must protect national security. But they must also protect the public trust a...
AL FRANKEN Mistakes are a part of being human. Precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unl...
AL FRANKEN If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want. You can't change ...
AL FRANKEN The USO invited me, and when they did, I said yes immediately.
AL FRANKEN I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when g...
AL FRANKEN I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.
AL FRANKEN Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.
AL FRANKEN When the president during the campaign
said he was against nation building,
I didn't rea...
AL FRANKEN Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose, and terror is indiscriminate murder of...
AL FRANKEN The next thing I am doing is moving back home to Minnesota and getting involved in politics. I'm...
AL FRANKEN Dear Mr. Franken, It's possible that I was mistaken about this. Cheers.
AL FRANKEN Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty...
AL FRANKEN During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in...
AL FRANKEN I grew up in Minnesota, where we treasure our tradition of civic engagement - and our record of havi...
AL FRANKEN You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln...
AL FRANKEN To ask whether the mainstream media has a conservative or liberal bias is like asking whether al-Qai...
AL FRANKEN The Medicare Part D prescription drug bill, which might be the most corrupt piece of legislation in ...
AL FRANKEN The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we sta...
AL FRANKEN I think Hell exists on Earth. It's a psychological state, or it can be a physical state. People ...
AL FRANKEN If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces, that is eventually going to h...
AL FRANKEN It was such a stupid lawsuit,
AL FRANKEN When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building, I didn't realize he mean...
AL FRANKEN reject the government's cruel and cynical interpretation.
AL FRANKEN it was absurdly hilarious.
AL FRANKEN The nature of the Internet and the importance of net neutrality is that innovation can come from eve...
AL FRANKEN Today I will masterbate!

Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will ma...
AL FRANKEN You have to love your country like an adult loves somebody, not like a child loves its mommy. And ri...
AL FRANKEN I would like a dark chocolate Almond Joy.
AL FRANKEN He'd be natural liberal Senator. Nobody listens to him.
AL FRANKEN There premise involves repeating idiotic crap over and over...
AL FRANKEN Armed with nothing more than a Facebook user's phone number and home address, anyone with an Int...
AL FRANKEN If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces, that is eventually going to h...
AL FRANKEN I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh de...
AL FRANKEN The thing that interests me least about the radio business is the radio business. But I've had t...
AL FRANKEN Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.
AL FRANKEN They would elect a comedian like me,
AL FRANKEN My parents didn't make a lot of money. My dad was not a high school graduate - he didn't hav...
AL FRANKEN In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the res...
AL FRANKEN Thank you for the quick and forthright response.
AL FRANKEN There's been a lot of back and forth between the two of us and this is just a good way to clear the ...
AL FRANKEN I heard versions of the speech before and I thought it was great. You go with your 'A' material. As ...
AL FRANKEN I don't know why they did it and I don't know where the money went. I don't know if it was used for ...
AL FRANKEN Hi, James. I have a radio show on Air America Radio, and something we do is check stuff that doesn't...
AL FRANKEN Hey, (Rep. Lindsey) Graham is going to give some reply. Why don't you come to this press conference?
AL FRANKEN Lies, and The Lying Liars who Tell Them
AL FRANKEN The next thing I am doing is moving back home to Minnesota and getting involved in politics, ... I'm...
AL FRANKEN You don't stand up and say 'Your president is lying to you and you are dying for no reason.' I don't...
AL FRANKEN It's the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you.
AL FRANKEN Ralph Nader is a hero. I know Ralph, and I call him up occasionally. He's helped me out on a cou...
AL FRANKEN Some of my colleagues seem more interested in using every procedural method possible to keep the Sen...
AL FRANKEN I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals.
AL FRANKEN I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.
AL FRANKEN At 'SNL,' I wrote political stuff, but I never felt the show should have an axe to grind. Bu...
AL FRANKEN No one is more sensitive to the issue of overeating than the creator of Stuart Smalley.
AL FRANKEN It's the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you.
AL FRANKEN I'm sure I've devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.
AL FRANKEN It's hard for a liberal to go on between Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, because it's like d...
AL FRANKEN Comedy to the Senate? Well, there certainly hasn't been a satirist or a political satirist who&#...
AL FRANKEN I've spent my entire career being a satirist.
AL FRANKEN I know that it's probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a pu...
AL FRANKEN Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.
AL FRANKEN I'm crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.
AL FRANKEN We left my birthplace, Brooklyn, New York, in 1939 when I was 13. I enjoyed the ethnic variety and t...
IRWIN ROSE I went to regular schools and I was home schooled a lot but I don't have any history in schools....
ROSE MCGOWAN The worker must have bread, but she must have roses, too. Help, you women of privilege, give her the...
ROSE SCHNEIDERMAN We moved from the East coast to the town of Spokane, Washington, when I was about 13 years old, and ...
IRWIN ROSE Enzymologists usually study the initial rates of reactions measuring product formation as a function...
IRWIN ROSE Looking back on my 50-year eclectic journey in research, I am grateful that it has gone as well as i...
IRWIN ROSE Initially, I thought problems on how the brain works to be the most interesting. But it was necessar...
IRWIN ROSE My Ph.D. thesis problem was to determine if the DNA content of rat tissues increased if there was B1...
IRWIN ROSE I don't have any hobbies. You know, I'm very embarrassed when people ask me what are my hobb...
IRWIN ROSE Me being a compassionate person, I would never hold any grudges against my ex.
AMBER ROSE Everybody's got their poison, and mine is sugar.
DERRICK ROSE 'Shotgun's one of the first songs I ever wrote. It's about a couple I met at Waffle Hous...
CAITLIN ROSE Growing up in Britain, Michael Caine has always been such an icon. Chatting with him, I know I came ...
ROSE LESLIE Designing bridal is perfect for me, because black is my least favorite color, if you could call it a...
LELA ROSE There is a scene in Richard Attenborough's biopic where Gandhi argues with his wife because she ...
ROSE GEORGE I like Barack Obama as a person. He's articulate, he knows sports, his brother-in-law's a co...
PETE ROSE Life is not a dress rehearsal.
ROSE TREMAIN It is very important to me to maintain a consistent workout regimen during the season. The Bulls sta...
DERRICK ROSE Who cares if you bunt for a base hit?
PETE ROSE At 13, when I was a runaway, I was taken in by the most amazing drag queens in Portland, Ore. We did...
ROSE MCGOWAN I just know that for my honeymoon, I'm not going to go to a cabin in the woods.
ROSE LESLIE Aussies are really laid back, and so are Californians.
RUBY ROSE If you wait for customers to tell you that you need to do something, you're too late. Good busin...
STUART ROSE I do not like candid pictures. They are so unattractive.
ROSE KENNEDY Ships are obliged to take on harbor or river pilots - who provide specialized local navigation - whe...
ROSE GEORGE The whole refunding should go reasonably well. Yields are (about 20 basis points) higher than they w...
ALAN ROSE The whole refunding should go reasonably well. Yields are still 15 to 17 basis points higher than th...
ALAN ROSE There's a long-duration triple-A asset about to come to market, and there are a lot of folks domesti...
ALAN ROSE It's the fear there's going to be a mad rush for the exits in the equity market: that's what generat...
ALAN ROSE The market is anticipating a slowing economy.
ALAN ROSE It's a very early indicator of a slowing economy. Historically when the Fed gets into a tightening c...
ALAN ROSE You got a little bit of buying because of the non-defense capital orders ex-aircraft, but now there'...
ALAN ROSE We're just marking time before the Fed meeting.
ALAN ROSE The market was at pretty lofty levels and needed good news to stay at those levels and we didn't get...
ALAN ROSE People are thinking he's going to drive funds higher than is currently priced into the market. He's ...
ALAN ROSE Whether straight, gay, bi, trans... body image and identity can be a struggle for us all.
RUBY ROSE Emancipation from every kind of bondage is my principle. I go for recognition of human rights, witho...
ERNESTINE ROSE Of course, we knew that this meant an attack on the union. The bosses intended gradually to get rid ...
ROSE SCHNEIDERMAN With power comes the abuse of power. And where there are bosses, there are crazy bosses. It's no...
JUDD ROSE My mother watched her loving husband look at her with blankness or contempt and sometimes hatred. An...
ROSE GEORGE I have this friend who has a theory that lots of towns have energies. And, for instance, certain pla...
CAITLIN ROSE I like buying iTunes. It's instant.
CAITLIN ROSE It wasn't my dream to make music. It was just something I ended up doing, and no one said stop.
CAITLIN ROSE I started making music for fun, but I had two parents who were very much in the business. I didn'...
CAITLIN ROSE I had an indie pop phase, I had just about every phase you could think of.
CAITLIN ROSE The only two shows I watch are 'Walking Dead' and 'Nashville,' but both just went of...
CAITLIN ROSE I used to be fast and loose with the term 'country' because I didn't know what else to c...
CAITLIN ROSE I get my gossip from 'Nashville' on ABC.
CAITLIN ROSE I think I definitely learned how to structure songs, just from listening to a lot of 1960s, 1970s po...
CAITLIN ROSE I live in Nashville, and I don't know how many people there would call me country. I really star...
CAITLIN ROSE I went to community college for about a year but I'd started taking music seriously by then so I...
CAITLIN ROSE 'Gorilla Man' is a composite of a few individuals, but the song itself was actually inspired...
CAITLIN ROSE If I could be more vague I'd write more about people in my life, but I hate hurting feelings or ...
CAITLIN ROSE I have a lot of vinyl, but I only buy old records on vinyl. Like secondhand. It's too expensive ...
CAITLIN ROSE If I'm singing something I don't like, it literally feels like stepping on nails.
CAITLIN ROSE Growing up in Nashville, especially in a music business family, means growing up with knowledge that...
CAITLIN ROSE One of the things that I've always loved to do is brainstorm ideas with friends and get together...
KEVIN ROSE Who cares about the men who steered your breakfast cereal through winter storms? How ironic that the...
ROSE GEORGE A hot bath! I cry, as I sit down in it! Again as I lie flat, a hot bath! How exquisite a pleasure, h...
ROSE MACAULAY A lot of these catchers don't understand that they are blocking the plate and they don't hav...
PETE ROSE My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practic...
PETE ROSE See the ball; hit the ball.
PETE ROSE As to the family, I have never understood how that fits in with the other ideals --or, indeed, why i...
ROSE MACAULAY Never bet on baseball.
PETE ROSE I have always believed that God never gives a cross to bear larger than we can carry. No matter what...
ROSE KENNEDY Sell cheap and tell the truth.
ROSE BLUMKIN Cranks live by theory, not by pure desire. They want votes, peace, nuts, liberty, and spinning-looms...
ROSE MACAULAY I tell myself that God gave my children many gifts--spirit, beauty, intelligence, the capacity to ma...
ROSE KENNEDY Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repairing.
BILLY ROSE Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?
ROSE KENNEDY The manager of a team is like a stagecoach, he can't move unless he has the horses.
PETE ROSE Sleeping in a bed -- it is, apparently, of immense importance. Against those who sleep, from choice ...
ROSE MACAULAY It is an interesting and demonstrable fact, that all children are atheists and were religion not inc...
ERNESTINE ROSE I don't care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better.
KEVIN ROSE In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.
AARON ROSE Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains ...
ROSE KENNEDY Diarrhea, 90 percent of which is caused by food and water contaminated by excrement, kills a child e...
ROSE GEORGE When Peru had a cholera outbreak in 1991, losses from tourism and agricultural revenue were three ti...
ROSE GEORGE It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, ...
ROSE KENNEDY Agitate! Agitate! Ought to be the motto of every reformer. Agitation is the opposite of stagnation -...
ERNESTINE ROSE