No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Groucho Marx
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend until he is unhappy.
THOMAS FULLER No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend until he is unhappy.
THOMAS FULLER Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW No one knows your success or failure best than your enemy who pretends to be your greatest friend.
OSCAR AULIQ-ICE I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX My closest friend, who died not long ago, is buried near Marx's grave in Highgate cemetery, so I...
ALASTAIR CAMPBELL Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER When Sinatra said, 'For my money, Tony Bennett is the best singer I've ever heard,' it c...
TONY BENNETT A man is at his best when he is simply not like the rest in all his life's test
ANUJ SOMANY A man is at his best when he is simply not like rest in all his life's test
ANUJ SOMANY There is no bigger dream than to have your best friend at work with you every day playing your best ...
HEATHER GRAHAM Failure is not your enemy, but rather a best friend, unless you give up.
JEFFREY BENJAMIN No one is a friend to his friend who does not love in return.
PLATO I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN The greatest friend of sucess, is failure
FERNAND ROBERT RIVARD The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH In fact, once he is motivated no one can change more completely than the man who has been at the bot...
MALCOLM X No one likes to get beaten, even if it is to your best friend.
CATE CAMPBELL He is his own best friend, and takes delight in privacy whereas the man of no virtue or ability is h...
ARISTOTLE In my experience, the best creative work is never done when one is unhappy.
ALBERT EINSTEIN God is man's best friend and solitude is his best companion.
APURVA GAGLANI No one goes through life thinking that they're the best friend of the lead character.
LAURA CARMICHAEL The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN There is no loneliness greater than the loneliness of a failure. The failure is a stranger in his ow...
ERIC HOFFER When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
EDWARD ABBEY The Greeks said grandly in their tragic phrase, Let no one be called happy till his death; to which ...
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING Dread the one whose best friend is imagination.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) No one can look back on his schooldays and say with truth that they were altogether unhappy.
GEORGE ORWELL When I crossed Asia with my friend Peter Fleming, we spoke to no one but each other during many mont...
ELLA MAILLART The paw of a dog is first a best friend; as need, his paw is set to the end; my paw is best first as...
RICARDO ALONSO According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
HENRY FORD If you try to do your best there is no failure.
MIKE FARRELL I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE Let no one till his death be called unhappy. Measure not the work until the day's out and the labor ...
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING Let no one till his death be called unhappy. Measure not the work until the day's out and the labor...
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING Let no one till his death
Be called unhappy. Measure not the work
Until the day's out and the...
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX I am not his best friend,
ARSENE WENGER The Greeks said grandly in their tragic phrase, 'Let no one be called happy till his death;'...
ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING No. That's Clary; shes's my best friend." Simon pocketed his phone. "And she has a boyfriend. Like, ...
CASSANDRA CLARE There is no friend like an old friend who has shared our morning days, no greeting like his welcome,...
OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, SR. There is no friend like an old friend who has shared our morning days, no greeting like his welcome,...
OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES JR. The ideal man is his own best friend and takes delight in privacy.
ARISTOTLE There is but one failure, and that is, not to be true to the very best one knows
CANON FARRAR There is no such thing as accidental failure. All failure is at least half imposed.
SOURCE UNKNOWN A child’s best friend is often the one telling bedtime stories.
ERALDO BANOVAC He would stab his best friend for the sake of writing an epigram on his tombstone.
OSCAR WILDE No one tells you what to do if you completely flop at the beginning of a performance.
JOSHUA BELL Now isn´t the time to change yourself to fit into the world... you should be changing the world to ...
ALEXANDRA BRACKEN A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
DOUGLAS PAGELS A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.
DOUGLAS PAGELS “What one experiences at the youthful days (now), does not mean he is being drawn to his failure�...
THE PIONEER WRITERS' SOCIETY I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.
SOURCE UNKNOWN I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
ANONYMOUS No one is completely satisfied with the arrangement. But we all felt we could live with it.
ROBERT MCNAIR He's completely unspoiled by failure
NOEL COWARD We will briefly mention some peculiarities frequently manifested by a degenerate. He is tormented by...
MAX NORDAU The man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure.
B. C. FORBES It is well that there is no one without a fault; for he would not have a friend in the world
WILLIAM HAZLITT No enemy is so annoying as one who was a friend, or still is a friend, and there are many more of th...
WILLIAM SAROYAN No man does his best work in any one day of the year
DANIEL GUGGENHEIM Has not one of the poets said that a noble friend is the best gift and a noble enemy the next best?
C.S. LEWIS When I die it will be game over,... but I know one life is short, to be selfish is not the best deci...
DEYTH BANGER Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
BOB RUBIN He's an only child. He's his best friend.
BOBBY BENNETT There is only one failure in life possible, and that is not to be true to the best one knows.
GEORGE ELIOT The only failure one should fear, is not hugging to the purpose they see as best.
GEORGE ELIOT The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.
BUDDHA One of the most important tasks of a manager is to eliminate his people's excuses for failure.
ROBERT TOWNSEND When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem
EDWARD ABBEY When my son was really little, he assumed everyone was on TV because his uncle is on TV, my best fri...
VIRGINIA MADSEN No man is more unhappy than the one who is never in adversity; the greatest affliction of life is ne...
SOURCE UNKNOWN No man is more unhappy than the one who is never in adversity; the greatest affliction of life is ne...
ANONYMOUS Representative Baker is an embarrassment. He is wrong on the issue of enforceability, ... His respon...
ELIOT SPITZER By the way, my name's Rose Hathaway. I'm seventeen years old, training to protect and kill vampires,...
RICHELLE MEAD 1. An absence of fear of the future and of veneration for the past. One who fears the future, who fe...
HENRY FORD Mind your business" had been the motto of her childhood. But now that seemed like a failing in a fri...
ANITA DIAMANT At the narrow passage, there is no brother and no friend.
BEDOUIN PROVERBS At the narrow passage there is no brother and no friend
ARABIAN PROVERB Sleep is my best friend, When it embraces me no Problem of life can Bother me...!
IRSHAD BAIG I liked myths. They weren't adult stories and they weren't children's stories. They were better than...
NEIL GAIMAN God is my best friend. I talk to God every day. And no one can tell me how to talk to God - not no i...
EVE His father was no man's friend but his owne, and he (saith the
prouerbe) is no man's for else.
THOMAS ADAMS No one is a failure until they blame somebody else.
CHARLES ''TREMENDOUS'' JONES No man ever achieved worth-while success who did not, at one time or other, find himself with at lea...
NAPOLEON HILL There is one good thing about Marx: he was not a Keynesian.
MURRAY ROTHBARD No one is better at what they do than Mark is. He's the best.
MARK NEWMAN
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX