Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.
STEVE MARTIN I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
STEVE MARTIN When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way ...
STEVE MARTIN I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period.
STEVE MARTIN I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easi...
STEVE MARTIN What I mean is that none of my talents had a - what's that great word - rubric. A singer, an act...
STEVE MARTIN Tweeting is really only good for one thing - it's just good for tweeting... It is rewarding, bec...
STEVE MARTIN Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
STEVE MARTIN I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.
STEVE MARTIN What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They ca...
STEVE MARTIN I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the ...
STEVE MARTIN Everything is fraught with danger. I love technology and I love science. It's just always all in...
STEVE MARTIN I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent re...
STEVE MARTIN I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
STEVE MARTIN Well, excuuuuuse me!
STEVE MARTIN What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
STEVE MARTIN Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
STEVE MARTIN You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do.
STEVE MARTIN I think there are people out there writing original bluegrass songs, but it's hard to get them o...
STEVE MARTIN I feel good about being able to take bluegrass on to television like 'Letterman' and 'Th...
STEVE MARTIN Well, excuuuuuse me!!!!.
STEVE MARTIN If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if y...
STEVE MARTIN A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working ...
STEVE MARTIN Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be...
STEVE MARTIN Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
STEVE MARTIN Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
STEVE MARTIN Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.
STEVE MARTIN Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you...
STEVE MARTIN Well, excuuuuuse me!!!!
STEVE MARTIN Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTIN First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
STEVE MARTIN I loved to make people laugh in high school, and then I found I loved being on stage in front of peo...
STEVE MARTIN Be so good they can't ignore you.
STEVE MARTIN The banjo is truly an American instrument, and it captures something about our past.
STEVE MARTIN I love comedy. That's what got me into the arts. I don't even know how to categorize myself ...
STEVE MARTIN I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness...
STEVE MARTIN I'm enamored with the art world. Anytime you look at anything that's considered artistic, th...
STEVE MARTIN Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played ...
STEVE MARTIN An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might ...
STEVE MARTIN Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.
STEVE MARTIN Love is a promise delivered already broken.
STEVE MARTIN You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's ...
STEVE MARTIN There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won'...
STEVE MARTIN I was raised with 'Laurel and Hardy' and 'I Love Lucy' and Jerry Lewis, and I just l...
STEVE MARTIN I cringe at backstory. Because it never quite explains or gets into some psychological thing that is...
STEVE MARTIN When I was in college, I was debating to try my hand at show business, or to become a professor. I j...
STEVE MARTIN Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
STEVE MARTIN I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
STEVE MARTIN There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't s...
STEVE MARTIN Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
STEVE MARTIN I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians....
STEVE MARTIN I was very interested in vaudeville. It was the only sort of discipline that was a five-minute act o...
STEVE MARTIN Well, today the Grammys is much much better than the Oscars. I think the differences in the shows ar...
STEVE MARTIN 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a rea...
STEVE MARTIN I just brush it off and try to make a joke about it. Over the years it's been interesting.
STEVE MARTIN I'm enamored with the art world.
STEVE MARTIN I was not naturally talented. I didn't sing, dance or act, though working around that minor deta...
STEVE MARTIN There's a lot of thought in art. People get to talk about important things. There's a lot of...
STEVE MARTIN When I first started doing my comedy act, I just desperately needed material. So I took literally ev...
STEVE MARTIN Movies always are open to being remade because times change so much, and the tempo of movies changes...
STEVE MARTIN I don't like to look back, and I'm always worried about the next thing rather than resting o...
STEVE MARTIN I was always a huge fan of E. E. Cummings. He did a series of lectures at Harvard or Princeton, and ...
STEVE MARTIN We've taken what was just once a racetrack and made it a multifaceted gaming destination for the ent...
STEVE MARTIN I like all kinds of music. I listen to Abigail Washburn, the Punch Brothers, and Marc Johnson, the g...
STEVE MARTIN I think when I was young, let's call it high school, and even before that, I just loved comedy, ...
STEVE MARTIN I'm the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I'...
STEVE MARTIN Comedians don't get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can't really speak about the...
STEVE MARTIN It doesn't behoove us not to ask these questions. It makes us look like fools.
STEVE MARTIN When we started building out here, we knew this was where we were headed. After we built our first o...
STEVE MARTIN It's hard to find the right expression for this, but her beauty that she keeps within, you know? The...
STEVE MARTIN I'm happy with how the day has gone and we've made positive steps forward each time I've gone out. M...
STEVE MARTIN By expressing his heart, anger and joy, Richard Pryor took comedy to its highest form.
STEVE MARTIN It eventually appeared to be me, cinematically. When I was writing it I was actually an author, you ...
STEVE MARTIN Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
STEVE MARTIN [On his breakthrough 1977 album] Let's Get Small, ... There's a million people onstage and everythin...
STEVE MARTIN a pile of near-misses.
STEVE MARTIN I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role.
STEVE MARTIN We're absolutely thrilled to be named as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It's an hon...
STEVE MARTIN It's kind of a dream come true, because we've always loved these films. We've loved this character, ...
STEVE MARTIN As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it ...
STEVE MARTIN We're going to look at it again in June, we just want to make sure we when we do increase purses we ...
STEVE MARTIN These times are much franker. For example, in the first movie we have to assume that the daughter an...
STEVE MARTIN The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is wh...
STEVE MARTIN First, my doctor told me the good news. He said I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTIN There was a point when I was around 14,
STEVE MARTIN I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless the...
STEVE MARTIN Owning a cat is a lot like being an American tourist in a fancy French restaurant- you will be overc...
STEVE MARTIN I gave my cat a bath the other day. . .they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, if was fun for me....
STEVE MARTIN I would get records by Earl Scruggs... I would tune my banjo down and I'd pick out the songs not...
STEVE MARTIN It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos...
STEVE MARTIN When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of t...
STEVE MARTIN We are comfortable, collectively, that those 12 [shootings] are related.
STEVE MARTIN It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into th...
STEVE MARTIN In my banjo show with the Steep Canyon Rangers, I do do comedy during that show. It'd be absurd ...
STEVE MARTIN She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.
STEVE MARTIN With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, an...
STEVE MARTIN I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as mu...
STEVE MARTIN I was reading an article in the 'New York Times;' it talked about being in the zone, and bei...
STEVE MARTIN I couldn't see his face, because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said...
STEVE MARTIN So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.
STEVE MARTIN ...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled ...
STEVE MARTIN I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you...
STEVE MARTIN . . . Now you see . . . they' re not fit for humans . . ." "Put them on me.
STEVE MARTIN I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of soc...
STEVE MARTIN Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.
STEVE MARTIN You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! Then you can gi...
STEVE MARTIN There was a time in my life when I was very interested in relationship psychology. Relationships end...
STEVE MARTIN I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.
STEVE MARTIN You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are ...
STEVE MARTIN They're going to ask those questions.
STEVE MARTIN It takes time though for owners and trainers to invest that additional purse money to start cultivat...
STEVE MARTIN If she doesn't get an Academy Award nomination, I will kill myself.
STEVE MARTIN Claire is actually younger in life than the role calls for, but her emotional knowledge continued to...
STEVE MARTIN That's a device. I like to think about it as a little bit of a mystery ... the director describes it...
STEVE MARTIN I just think they should get a fair shake. They didn't. They didn't have the rights regular criminal...
STEVE MARTIN I am really happy to stay with FPR for next year, especially after the amount of progress that we ha...
STEVE MARTIN There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and tal...
STEVE MARTIN I'm surprised even now that I was aware of things like that at that age. I don't know why. But I dec...
STEVE MARTIN We are just happy that we are here in Brazil and that this was a good ending.
STEVE MARTIN The environment changed with Martha Stewart and Enron,
STEVE MARTIN I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal - high enough so you can look up her dress
STEVE MARTIN I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic region cov...
STEVE MARTIN Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy C...
STEVE MARTIN A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true
STEVE MARTIN Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke
STEVE MARTIN I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was. . . a large Arctic region covered wi...
STEVE MARTIN Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.
STEVE MARTIN Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between mom...
STEVE MARTIN Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Bil...
STEVE MARTIN I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the...
STEVE MARTIN It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it s...
STEVE MARTIN I loved doing 'Pennies from Heaven.' Because you have to understand that I'd been doing ...
STEVE MARTIN You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are ...
STEVE MARTIN Theories, for me, are just about freeing your mind. It doesn't mean the theory is going to work ...
STEVE MARTIN L.A. is only where you live, because otherwise it's just a sprawling mass of everything, and I t...
STEVE MARTIN You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do. You want to be focused on i...
STEVE MARTIN You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
STEVE MARTIN Had his room been facing west he would have noted the sparkling twenty-five-mile vista to the sea wh...
STEVE MARTIN Free love, man, Free Love! Which, by the way, was the single greatest concept a young man has ever h...
STEVE MARTIN Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live ch...
STEVE MARTIN Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus
Be dull and boring and omnipresent
Criticize things yo...
STEVE MARTIN Carl Reiner. He had an entrenched sense of glee; he used humor as a gentle way of speaking difficult...
STEVE MARTIN career in the irrational world of creativity not only made sense but had moral purpose.
STEVE MARTIN Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between mom...
STEVE MARTIN Doing comedy alone onstage is the ego's last stand.
STEVE MARTIN These word games bothered and intrigued me. Appearing to be silly nonsense, on examination they were...
STEVE MARTIN In logic class, I opened my textbook—the last place I was expecting to find comic inspiration—an...
STEVE MARTIN In a sense, this book is not an autobiography but a biography, because I am writing about someone I ...
STEVE MARTIN pinching my swollen fingers in between. Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one elemen...
STEVE MARTIN One day I was particularly gloomy, and Jim asked me what the matter was. I told him my high school g...
STEVE MARTIN Enjoyment while performing was rare—enjoyment would have been an indulgent loss of focus that come...
STEVE MARTIN You’re nuts, but you’re welcome here.
STEVE MARTIN I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a by-product. The course was more plodding t...
STEVE MARTIN But my mother was aglow. She had a continuing fascination with celebrities, and now she had one of h...
STEVE MARTIN ...teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
STEVE MARTIN Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.
STEVE MARTIN It was easy to be great. Every entertainer has a night when everything is clicking. These nights are...
STEVE MARTIN What if there were no punch lines? What if there were no indicators? What if I created tension and n...
STEVE MARTIN Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.
STEVE MARTIN ...My father muttered something to me, and I responded with a mumbled "What". He shouted, "You heard...
STEVE MARTIN In my opening seconds, I would say, "It's great to be here," then move to several other spots on the...
STEVE MARTIN I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, w...
STEVE MARTIN But Carroll's were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way:

1) Babies a...
STEVE MARTIN My most persistent memory of stand - up is of my mouth being in the present and my mind being in the...
STEVE MARTIN How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTIN I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this st...
STEVE MARTIN Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: na�...
STEVE MARTIN You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This ...
STEVE MARTIN I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.
STEVE MARTIN A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death...
MARTIN Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love ca...
MARTIN Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve.. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul gene...
MARTIN A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.
MARTIN It would have been a lot of fun as a receiver to play.
STEVE LARGENT YouTube is a platform, a distribution vehicle.
STEVE CHEN We're allowing technology to take out the non-value-added manual elements of the McDonald's ...
STEVE EASTERBROOK Ultimately, the bread and butter of McDonald's is delivering great service, great quality food, ...
STEVE EASTERBROOK Take the crocodile, for example, my favorite animal. There are 23 species. Seventeen of those specie...
STEVE IRWIN There's a waterfall of content that you're missing out on.
STEVE CHEN The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy.
STEVE COOGAN Snakes are just very instinctive to me. I've been playing with snakes since before I could walk....
STEVE IRWIN The first crocodile I ever caught was at nine years of age, and it was a rescue.
STEVE IRWIN So fear helps me from making mistakes, but I make lot of mistakes.
STEVE IRWIN No, snakes are no problem. I'd go to any country, anywhere, any snakes, not a problem.
STEVE IRWIN I believe sustainable use is the greatest propaganda in wildlife conservation at the moment.
STEVE IRWIN I sincerely believe that there's room for cutting down trees for forestry and grazing, so as we ...
STEVE IRWIN That might have a lot to do with it, but you know, I probably don't show fear, but I suffer from...
STEVE IRWIN We've evolved from sitting back on our tripods and shooting wildlife films like they have been s...
STEVE IRWIN Every cent we earn from Crocodile Hunter goes straight back into conservation. Every single cent.
STEVE IRWIN The only animals I'm not comfortable with are parrots, but I'm learning as I go. I'm get...
STEVE IRWIN When I talk to the camera, mate, it's not like I'm talking to the camera, I'm talking to...
STEVE IRWIN No matter where you go and what you do in America, you turn the tele on and you're confronted wi...
STEVE IRWIN I am optimistic globally. So many scientists are working frantically on the reparation of our planet...
STEVE IRWIN Crikey means gee whiz, wow!
STEVE IRWIN Yeah, I'm a thrill seeker, but crikey, education's the most important thing.
STEVE IRWIN Where I live if someone gives you a hug it's from the heart.
STEVE IRWIN