Oh, but my stomach, she is like a waterbed covered in flannel. When I lie on my side in bed, my stomach lies politely beside me, like a puppy.

I realized I was going to get through this disappointing service, and anyway, you have to be somewhere: better here, where I have heard truth spoken so often, than, say, at the DMV, or home alone, orbiting my own mind. And it's good to be out where others can see you, so you can't be your ghastly spoiled self. It forces you to act slightly more elegantly, and this improves your thoughts, and thereby the world.

Laughter is carbonated holiness.

Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.

The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.

You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.