Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.

Boys are rewarded for playing games where they line up by height and then run into walls. Perhaps I'm making that up--or perhaps you should do a Google search for "Guy Runs into Wall for Fun."

Not only do women hold up half the sky; we do it while carrying a 500-pound purse.

From age sixteen to age twenty, a woman's body is a temple. From twenty-one to forty-five, it's an amusement park. From forty-five on, it's a terrarium.

Bring your sense of humor with you at all times. Bring your friends with a sense of humor. If their friends have a sense of humor, invite them, too

Women feel like we're fat if we can't wear the clothes we wore in high school. Men, in contrast, only start to feel fat only when they can no longer fit into a foreign car.

I regard other women as my community, not my competition.

If anger were mileage, I'd be a very frequent flyer, right up there in First Class.

Two things I do for maintenance: I get a manicure once a month, and I see my therapist about every six weeks. I am happy to report that, at this point, my nails crack more often than I do.