One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Groucho Marx
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I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Not 'eight,' Dad, 'aids.' Hearing aids.
ALICE PENDERGRAST I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss.
PAT ROBERTSON I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss
PAT ROBERTSON The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I can see why many people would not want to wear the 'stereotypical' hearing aids of the bygone era,...
GEORGE KENNEDY I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX The hearing aids are very helpful for speech reading. Without the hearing aids, my voice becomes ver...
MARLEE MATLIN I have serious hearing loss. I'm challenged if I don't have my hearing aids in.
AL JARREAU She's one of our children I fitted with hearing aids. She's going to be one our poster children; a 2...
BILL AUSTIN Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Dad. Are your hearing aids in?
ALICE PENDERGRAST I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who ...
LANA TURNER I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I learned to speak first, and then to sign. I have never really known what it was like to hear, so I...
MARLEE MATLIN Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. You know it's very difficult to be an actor, and to have people depending on you to say the righ...
LESLIE NIELSEN Meditation is a state of mind which looks at everything with complete attention, totally, not just p...
JIDDU KRISHNAMURTI According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX The best dowry, a man can get in his marriage is a brand new house along with his wife and a man des...
APURVA GAGLANI An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no...
OGDEN NASH I am sure that, on the one hand, the Rothschilds appreciate the merits of Marx, and that on the othe...
MIKHAIL BAKUNIN Every man sees his wife like an angel; until he gets a better one.
M.F. MOONZAJER I'm fucking the grave, I thought, I'm bringing the dead back to life...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI The bulk of my learning - if I may call it such - has come within the past three months, after I bec...
LANCE LOUD One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.
JOSH BILLINGS To me, AIDS is an international epidemic and every country can be affected by it. Therefore, it can ...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
JOSH BILLINGS The best argument I know for an immortal life is the existence of a man who deserves one.
WILLIAM JAMES I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.
SOURCE UNKNOWN I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
ANONYMOUS I try to be the best man I can for the day.
JIM CAVIEZEL Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is an art.
FRANK TYGER If I were offered a cochlear implant today, I would prefer not to have one. But that's not a sta...
MARLEE MATLIN Saudi Arabia is taking a Chinese wife. The Saudis are not divorcing us. In Islam, you can have more ...
CHAS FREEMAN The only other home I can enter without an invitation, is my parents home.
BEN OAK Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
MILTON BERLE AIDS is an absolutely tragic disease. The argument about AIDS' being some kind of divine retribu...
CALVIN KLEIN An unlearned carpenter of my acquaintance once said in my hearing: 'There is very little difference ...
WILLIAM JAMES Perfect wife is the one who knows that no man is perfect.
VIKRANT PARSAI The clog of all pleasure, the luggage of life, is the best can be said for a very good wife.
EARL ROCHESTER One feels the excitement of hearing an untold story.
JOHN HOPE FRANKLIN One feels the excitement of hearing an untold story.
JOHN HOPE FRANKLIN The president has realized ... that AIDS is an epidemic. That we do have an obligation,
JOHN MCCAIN I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX I'm particularly proud of my work with the Starkey Hearing Foundation for whom I raised a millio...
MARLEE MATLIN Real socialism is inside man. It wasn't born with Marx. It was in the communes of Italy in the M...
DARIO FO There is one good thing about Marx: he was not a Keynesian.
MURRAY ROTHBARD A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.
DOUGLAS PAGELS A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.
DOUGLAS PAGELS He who speaks without an attentive ear is mute.
STEPHEN KING The clog of all pleasure, the luggage of life,
Is the best can be said for a very good wife.
JOHN WILMOT (2ND EARL OF ROCHESTER) I don't have a bunch of mates. I don't have a man cave. My wife and I, we are each other'...
CORBIN BERNSEN Now that I am alone, I don't have to hide it; I don't have to hide anything any longer. I can let my...
ROALD DAHL Listening to your wife is intelligence; hearing every word she doesn't say is wisdom.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO Self-examination is an important part of AIDS prevention and control. It helps HIV carriers and AIDS...
CHEN JIE Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.
KIN HUBBARD Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best
KIN HUBBARD The gods alone know, what kind of wife a man will have.
UNKNOWN The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN One of the drawbacks of English is you can't spell things by hearing them.
BILL NYE I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind.
C LIONG When people have hearing loss, I think they often take that burden and pass it on to their friends a...
NORM CROSBY A man of guilt acknowledges and changes himself immediately on being hinted slightly about his fault...
ANUJ SOMANY When I die it will be game over,... but I know one life is short, to be selfish is not the best deci...
DEYTH BANGER I may be wrong, but the essential illustrative nature of most documentary photography, and the worsh...
AARON SISKIND A man can love her wife, or he can be her husband.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA It's not really that I've been an advocate for hearing aids for a long time, it's just t...
LESLIE NIELSEN I dunno how much AIDS scares y'all, but I got a theory: the day they come out with a cure for AIDS, ...
BILL HICKS The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wi...
WILL DURANT The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor
WERNER VON BRAUN The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
WERNHER VON BRAUN Some people are too severely deaf to benefit from conventional hearing aids; a cochlear implant may ...
ANGELA KING A man and wife should see the best in each other, should work together, should enjoy each other.
GENA SHOWALTER One of the purposes of this hearing is, of course, to explore everything because we know there's a n...
ED WHITFIELD A child's hearing is so critical for development. Even partial hearing loss can result in an impaire...
ALISON CASSADY A responsive audience is the best encouragement an actor can have.
AL JOLSON The buzz I'm hearing around town is he's a relatively unknown choice, but an interesting one. It wil...
ANDREW SHERMAN You should know that I've been hearing-impaired, not quite since birth, but I've been wearin...
VINT CERF Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft, and the only one that can be mass produced ...
WERNER VON BRAUN Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred
LAO TZU Just as an individual of pre-eminent worth transforms democracy into a monarchy of the best man, eve...
APOLLONIUS OF TYANA It was an event when you could get all three of them on the set at the same time. The minute you sta...
BUSTER KEATON I have the best husband a wife could possibly have. He's the best father my children could have.
VERA FARMIGA This is the best kind of voyeurism, hearing joy from your neighbors.
CHUCK SIGARS Hearing aids didn't cause any problem with my social life, my career, no problem at all, and I...
NORM CROSBY I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying tr...
JOHN GREEN The chancellor is an individual who has to act in the best interest of the university, taking into a...
BOB HOOPER I have an AIDS ribbon tattooed on my arm.
RYAN LEWIS His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX