One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.

It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Remember this, George, the birds fuck the bees.' Then he told me he once banged a girl so hard her freckles came off.

I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's nothing wrong with suckin' dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That's my advice. I'm here to help.

If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.