People say sometimes, gosh, that was brave of you to write such-and-such last week. 'Brave?' What do they mean 'brave?' It's right! How could you not write it?

People say I'm difficult and sometimes that's a badge of honour.

There's so much hate that we direct externally that we forget we have our own psychos. But that's the role of the satirist - you have to examine your own country and say, 'look!'

When you're given a newspaper column, you're not being paid to sit on a fence and scratch your chin and say 'On the one hand this' and 'On the other hand that.' You're getting paid for your opinion.

People say I don't write books, I make Christmas presents.

People say, 'Well everybody needs a cellphone.' Well, what does 'need' mean? Do you need an iPad? How about a computer? A printer?