FastSaying

Poetry is like making a joke. If you get one word wrong at the end of a joke, you've lost the whole thing.


W. S. Merwin

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KEVIN NEALON There is nothing like a live performance. You can look at things on television, and you can look at ...
LONI LOVE People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing....
TOMMY CHONG Making people uncomfortable is one of my hobbies. I'm always hoping that half the people get the...
JOSH HOMME Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?'
'He is making a joke, no,'...
JOHN FLANAGAN I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should al...
ADAM CAROLLA And I admit it: there's a rather dirty thrill when 700 people laugh at a joke you've written...
LAURA WADE It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb...
STEVEN WRIGHT A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' ...
JENNY ECLAIR A joke's a very serious thing.
CHARLES CHURCHILL After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a ...
AZIZ ANSARI When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's now...
BOB NEWHART You've really got to start hitting the books because it's no joke out here.
HARPER LEE My joke is that three black people watch 'The Daily Show' at any given time. So if I'm w...
LARRY WILMORE Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. ...
SUZANNE COLLINS If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
STEPHEN WRIGHT That was part of being a girl--you were resigned to whatever feedback you'd get. If you got mad, you...
EMMA CLINE It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
KARL PILKINGTON I joke, but only half joke, that if you show up in an American hospital missing a finger, no one wil...
ABRAHAM VERGHESE If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the number of p...
JOE HARSEL But if they didn't think it was a joke, or if anybody took it the wrong way other than a joke, when ...
JOE GIBBS If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.
GREGORY DAVID ROBERTS When was the last time you were super offended? I might be like, 'That's the dumbest thing I...
JUSTIN THEROUX I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't thin...
DAVID WALLIAMS Everyone's like sheep on social media; like, one person starts making noise, and everyone's ...
EARL SWEATSHIRT It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone...
DAVID WALLIAMS The whole place is a practical joke.
DAVE BALDWIN The whole westward expansion myth is seen as romantic. But it's a joke, a blot on American histo...
FRANK WATERS When you're in the editing room, the dangerous thing is that it becomes like telling a joke agai...
RIDLEY SCOTT If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.
UNKNOWN The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with £10m.'
BRUCE DICKINSON It was like, here comes a joke. Here's the joke. I just told a joke!
FRED ARMISEN If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.
HUGH ELLIOTT The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with £10m....
BRUCE DICKINSON After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a ...
AZIZ ANSARI I've been joking that 'On the Road' is the prequel to 'The Road.' I don't kn...
KODI SMIT-MCPHEE No horse jokes," he said.
"My lord, I apologize for the horse joke. If you put down the book---...
CYNTHIA HAND Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could jus...
TODD PHILLIPS I don't like irony and sarcasm very much. But I do like it when you think someone is telling you...
JENS LEKMAN I've never been one for late nights, which is why I have always preferred making films to theatr...
CHARLES DANCE You want to know the joke he thinks is stolen from him? It's a Taco Bell joke,
CARLOS MENCIA Because Buffy really has become the straight man, every once in a while it's nice to be the one ...
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR In the back of your mind, you are probably thinking you have to be a little cleaner. But, if you thi...
NICK DIPAOLO For me, the power of the poetry in 'Milk and Honey' is the feeling you get after finished re...
RUPI KAUR Ultimately, at the end of it, it's just trying to get into that space where you feel like you...
CHARLIE HUNTER I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have...
ROMAN POLANSKI Our world will not die as the result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of ban...
CARLOS RUIZ ZAFóN Comedy is such a vulnerable thing. With drama, you're not trying to make someone cry. If you do,...
HARLEY QUINN SMITH I never smile when I have a bat in my hands. That's when you've got to be serious. When I ge...
HANK AARON The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.
RONNIE BARKER I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one.
JOEY MCINTYRE I really like comedy. There's always a choice, when you're writing: you can either go for th...
DAVID CHASE I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
ARTIE LANGE A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off ...
MAX EASTMAN Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different.
JOHNNIE DENT JR. A joke is a very serious thing.
ANONYMOUS A joke is a very serious thing
WINSTON CHURCHILL You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else.
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-...
LEWIS CARROLL One thing I've always been taught at the defensive end is you hit first. In life, you throw the ...
DRAYMOND GREEN The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind happiness
not always...
LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI A Swedish newspaper reporter called and said, You've been awarded the Prize. I was quite sure it...
JOSHUA LEDERBERG I believe if you start a business with the intent of making it huge, you're already prioritizing...
JASON FRIED If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, an...
PAUL SIMON The joke was that we were retiring at the end of every year.
BOB HERMAN If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
JON STEWART No matter how much you've done before, you wonder if there will be a light at the end of this pa...
R. J. CUTLER I like to say, 'Chop suey's the biggest culinary joke that one culture has ever played on an...
JENNIFER LEE It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.
MAX EASTMAN Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.
JOE BOB BRIGGS Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
ANONYMOUS I hate people who say, “Good moaning,” instead of, “Good morning.” What kind of a wanker, ar...
KARL WIGGINS You have people partying at different hours. It used to be the joke at the end of the evening, but n...
ERIN BREEN Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling t...
RITA RUDNER When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banan...
NORA EPHRON Laughter brings you to reality as it is. The world is a play of God, a cosmic joke. And unless you u...
BHAGWAN SHREE RAJNEESH If a joke isn't working after two years, you can't blame the actors.
JEFF WHITTY In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an acc...
TOM ROBBINS Running for me is a sport. It's not a joke. It's serious.
J. R. MARTINEZ Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're n...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I was at a photo shoot, and I was wearing a cross necklace that my mom bought me, and somebody made ...
KATE UPTON The one thing I think I've noticed about shows that are supposed to be funny on television is th...
ALAN ALDA There's a joke that, if you can ride through Texas with somebody, which is 700 miles of just str...
KATEE SACKHOFF Hour-long TV is no joke. It tests you as a human being. It makes you a stronger person, but it's...
REBECCA ROMIJN Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's...
HANK AZARIA You deserve to be with somebody, who knows you're the one, from that very first moment he lays eyes ...
C. JOYBELL C. It's a joke - a bad joke, but a joke.
JULIAN KURTZ Sometimes I know a joke I'm going to yell out ahead of time, but most of the time it's strea...
ADAM MCKAY A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.
CLIFTON FADIMAN Every bad joke, every endorsement deal, all of the things that a typical host would normally get cre...
MIKE ROWE Stewardesses were a joke to many of us coming of age in the liberated Sixties. They were no joke in ...
CATHLEEN SCHINE Colin is the sort of name you give your goldfish for a joke.
COLIN FIRTH In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.
LEA THOMPSON It's OK to joke about yourself and have self-perspective, but, like, when you constantly put you...
TOVE LO If George W. Bush is the kind of person folks might like to have a beer with, John McCain is the guy...
ELLEN MALCOLM So many people would like to have guidance from God because obviously, if you have a word from God, ...
DALLAS WILLARD If you enjoyed making a thing, and you’re proud of the thing you made, that’s enough. Not everyone...
WIL WHEATON

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in constant fear
then we might miss
the beauty of the moment
r...
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S. RAMAKRISHNAN வெற்றி பெற்றவனை விட தோற்றவனிடம் தான்...
S. RAMAKRISHNAN Whenever you're late, make others wonder if they can handle your success if you came on time
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W. C. FIELDS The love that lasts longest is the love that is never returned.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM It was the rainbow gave thee birth, and left thee all her lovely hues.
W. H. DAVIES If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
W. EDWARDS DEMING Quality is pride of workmanship.
W. EDWARDS DEMING It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and then do your best.
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RALPH W. SOCKMAN When the dictators and the opportunists are gone, the cross will still stand before us and something...
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RALPH W. SOCKMAN Love is the outreach of self toward completion.
RALPH W. SOCKMAN What makes old age hard to bear is not the failing of one's faculties, mental and physical, but ...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
GEORGE W. BUSH Rational behavior requires theory. Reactive behavior requires only reflex action.
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W. EDWARDS DEMING You should not ask questions without knowledge.
W. EDWARDS DEMING Declining productivity and quality means your unit production costs stay high but you don't have...
W. EDWARDS DEMING The prevailing - and foolish - attitude is that a good manager can be a good manager anywhere, with ...
W. EDWARDS DEMING Whenever there is fear, you will get wrong figures.
W. EDWARDS DEMING When a system is stable, telling the worker about mistakes is only tampering.
W. EDWARDS DEMING The emphasis should be on why we do a job.
W. EDWARDS DEMING We are here to make another world.
W. EDWARDS DEMING People with targets and jobs dependent upon meeting them will probably meet the targets - even if th...
W. EDWARDS DEMING I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. FIELDS Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butle...
W. C. FIELDS If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn f...
W. C. FIELDS I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm ...
W. C. FIELDS Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for th...
W. C. FIELDS A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
W. C. FIELDS It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS Writing is the supreme solace.
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W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM We learn resignation not by our own suffering, but by the suffering of others.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM Like all weak men he laid an exaggerated stress on not changing one's mind.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM I'll give you my opinion of the human race in a nutshell... their heart's in the right place...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM In the country the darkness of night is friendly and familiar, but in a city, with its blaze of ligh...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM It's very hard to be a gentleman and a writer.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the ba...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM The essence of the beautiful is unity in variety.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get...
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM In 1975 I decided that there was no future in flying (airline jobs were impossible to get, and who w...
W. RICHARD STEVENS After graduating in 1973 I went into the programming field.
W. RICHARD STEVENS I drove across country in my yellow 1970 VW bug (which I drove until 1986) to Los Angeles, having ha...
W. RICHARD STEVENS Most writers are unhappy with film adaptations of their work, and rightly so. 'Field of Dreams,&...
W. P. KINSELLA I can still put down some pretty nasty stuff on paper, which is what I enjoy doing.
W. P. KINSELLA Most people write a lot of autobiography, but when I came to write autobiography I discovered that n...
W. P. KINSELLA Read, read, read, read and then read some more.
W. P. KINSELLA I knew how to read box scores and who the baseball heroes were before I had ever seen or even heard ...
W. P. KINSELLA Baseball is meant to be a contemplative game. They play music to draw young people to the game. If y...
W. P. KINSELLA If I have a choice between looking something up and making it up, I'll make it up every time.
W. P. KINSELLA I have no interest in non-fiction. I don't read it and don't watch it and don't write it...
W. P. KINSELLA I don't believe in the afterlife.
W. P. KINSELLA The crack of the bat, the sound of baseballs thumping into gloves, the infield chatter are like bird...
W. P. KINSELLA Find something that thrills you, and when you finish reading it for enjoyment, read it again line by...
W. P. KINSELLA The Bureau doesn't have any secret files.
W. MARK FELT I haven't leaked anything to anybody. They are wrong!
W. MARK FELT I have to do this my way.
W. MARK FELT I'm the guy they used to call Deep Throat.
W. MARK FELT I never leaked information to Woodward and Bernstein or anyone else!
W. MARK FELT The more the soul knows, the more she loves, and loving much, she tastes much.
W. H. MURRAY All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.
W. H. MURRAY Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
W. H. MURRAY It was a proof of Welsh good nature: so long as I had a friend that knew and could introduce me, the...
W. H. DAVIES I had now been in the United States of America something like five years, working here and there as ...
W. H. DAVIES Summer boarders often left clothes behind, and of what use were they to the landladies, for no rag-a...
W. H. DAVIES I had made up my mind to find a woman to share my life: one who would leave London altogether and go...
W. H. DAVIES I dislike society because conversation exhausts my brain more than silent thought - again, I cannot ...
W. H. DAVIES However careful a tramp may be to avoid places where there is abundant work, he cannot always succee...
W. H. DAVIES My impression of Americans from the beginning is of the best, and I have never since had cause to al...
W. H. DAVIES It has always been a wonder to me where my conversational power has gone: at the present time, I can...
W. H. DAVIES I like to see a good scientific bout by men who know the use of their hands but would rather walk tw...
W. H. DAVIES Mother's father and brothers all took great interest in pugilism, and they knew the game well fr...
W. H. DAVIES But cats to me are strange, so strange I cannot sleep if one is near.
W. H. DAVIES Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink.
W. H. DAVIES How the snow falls in the north! Flake on flake falling incessantly, until the small dingles are alm...
W. H. DAVIES Being in this fine mood, I spoke to a little boy, whom I saw playing alone in the road, asking him w...
W. H. DAVIES What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?
W. H. DAVIES I like to give pennies to children, but unfortunately, a man cannot do these things if he lives in a...
W. H. DAVIES As long as I love Beauty I am young.
W. H. DAVIES May it not be that, just as we have to have faith in Him, God has to have faith in us and, consideri...
W. H. AUDEN All that we are not stares back at what we are.
W. H. AUDEN A poet can write about a man slaying a dragon, but not about a man pushing a button that releases a ...
W. H. AUDEN To save your world you asked this man to die; would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
W. H. AUDEN You owe it to all of us all get on with what you're good at.
W. H. AUDEN In relation to a writer, most readers believe in the Double Standard: they may be unfaithful to him ...
W. H. AUDEN 'Healing,' Papa would tell me, 'is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature...
W. H. AUDEN Art is born of humiliation.
W. H. AUDEN Good can imagine Evil; but Evil cannot imagine Good.
W. H. AUDEN In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag.
W. H. AUDEN Death is the sound of distant thunder at a picnic.
W. H. AUDEN Comparing oneself with one's fellow writers is a bad idea. I would not review a fellow writer un...
W. G. SEBALD