FastSaying

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.


Groucho Marx

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW anybody can write a book, 'cause everybody has a story to tell
MARIANNE MOORE The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX If I can write, who possibly can’t. Even drawing a line in the sand is writing
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA When I write, I aim in my mind not toward New York but toward a vague spot a little to the east of K...
JOHN UPDIKE When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Curran's whore comes to visit us," Jarek said in accented English.

The three men laughed ...
ILONA ANDREWS I am not a supporter of burning books; but like poison, some books should be kept away from simple m...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The new boy in town is Wayne Huizenga [Jr.], and he's coming through with practically a blank check ...
MARTHA BABSON How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS Every book is worth reading. If it cannot make you wiser it will make you a critic
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I am what I have ever read
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The power of the writer is to capture the thoughts live and present them as they appeared in his min...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA When I write sometimes I strike gold, sometimes I labor in vain and keep producing rubbish
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA A writer reports on the universe. When he presents his credentials, the gates of heaven and hell are...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The world would have been a better place if some men had just shut their mouths.
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA A writer is a thought smith; he educates men to think for themselves
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA One author said "I write because I want to live a footprint in the sands of history.” It's hard to...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Don't believe in everything that is written. Not everything that is written is true
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Many writers write because they’ve been there, seen that, did it and burnt their fingers
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I used to be afraid about what people might say or think after reading what I had written. I am not ...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The power of a writer is that he is a god of sorts. He can create his own worlds and populate them w...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Able writers let us into their minds and show us how they think and by that open our minds to oursel...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Sometimes I have a good idea, something I wish I could remember, and instead of writing it down, com...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX If you are afraid of the critics you will never write a word
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA The person that gives you a good book to read is more valuable than the one that gives you money,bec...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) I always figured Metropolis was north of New York, actually. Between New York and Boston, in my mind...
JIM LEE In New York in the Forties or Fifties, everybody's in a suit, an overcoat and a hat.
JOHN MALKOVICH The internet is killing the art of writing. The big "publish" button begs you to publish even before...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Your book is a springboard and integral strategic part of your overall game plan. Being an author po...
KYTKA HILMAR-JEZEK Everybody in New York is looking for something. Once in a while, somebody finds it.
DONALD E. WESTLAKE I come from a family that has a long history in the legal community of New York and New York state.
DAVID ZABEL We write, not because we claim to know more than others, but perhaps because we want to know more th...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA They're running someone who is not a New Yorker. Someone who has not paid taxes in New York, someone...
GEORGE PATAKI I shove him back. “I can convince him.”
“What? By seducing him?” Morpheus scof...
A.G. HOWARD If you're writing a book that takes place in New York in the moment, you can't not write about 9-11;...
RICHARD PRICE To write a story about New York that only deals with people in your age and socioeconomic bracket, t...
JOSH RADNOR New York and Connecticut belong to the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative to cut carbon emissions, a...
FRANCES BEINECKE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I would say I live half in New York and half in Claridge's. How decadent! How hysterical!
ERIN O'CONNOR Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay.
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS The defense came out strong in the first half to make a statement that New York was in for a fight.
JASON FERGUSON A new day simply means all our errors of the previous day has been forgiven us,we can now re-begin a...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) A new year is another vantage opportunity to re-strategize the venture called life.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) New York is more than a state of mind. It is the completion of a dream. ( "New York at arm's length ...
ERIK PEVERNAGIE Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton...
JAY LENO This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Po...
TERRY PRATCHETT I had in mind a minister friend in New York, who's just the coolest reverend ever.
BRENDA HAMPTON The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over ha...
SAMUEL JOHNSON The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write: a man will turn over ha...
SAMUEL JOHNSON Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said:
I am not commanding you, but I ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me.
NICHOLAS SPARKS As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the...
NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on...
HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them.
HARPER LEE Half these kids are originally from New England or New York.
JOE CAIN He's so slow that he takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
EDWIN EDWARDS While there may not be a book in every one of us, there is so often a damned good short story.
JEFFREY ARCHER Autumn in New York, why does it seem so inviting?
VERNON DUKE Money comes with a price, and for me, the price is both freedom and a real life.
SAVI SHARMA I graduated from Brown in 2001, moved to New York, and spent a year and a half just looking up '...
DAVID WALTON ...and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.
P.G. WODEHOUSE Imagine life as a game, a game that is filled with obstacles and hazards to overcome but sometimes y...
GARY F EVANS... One's ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE Every time I write a new book, I want to push myself to try something different.
LAUREN MYRACLE The agents have figured out that you sell a big book in New York in September, then come here and se...
DANIEL MENAKER New York has cut fees more than other districts. Not that fees are lower in New York, but they cut t...
LYNN LOPUCKI In the house in Beverly Hills where our four children grew up, living conditions were a few thousand...
HARPO MARX The expectation was that 'True Confessions' would be my first published book, but that didn&...
RACHEL GIBSON Kristin Brown looks as though she could have been mailed first-class to New York for about a dollar ...
WILLIAM E. GEIST I began by saying that our history will be what we make it. If we go on as we are, then history will...
EDWARD R. MURROW Does the New York City Ballet affect other places? Yeah, it lets people know they should come to New...
JOHN GUARE It is dangerous for a poor mind to handle money,for they become poorer because of the untimely money...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) We will work with everybody for the good of New York.
DANIEL LIBESKIND I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX From Los Angeles to Singapore, passengers are saving two and a half hours. And to New York passenger...
JAMES BOYD Daring to dream is not difficult, it's making them come true that is hard...
NANETTE L. AVERY New York is a field of tireless and antagonistic interests undoubtedly fascinating but horribly unre...
WALLACE STEVENS Alexander Hamilton, of New York, a signer of the Constitution, was a member of the ratifying convent...
CHARLES A. BEARD He had what he called just a small ration of tools:
A painted book.
A handful of pencils.<...
MARKUS ZUSAK When everyone has a microphone, you can't hear anything. Choose one voice carefully and listen in.
RICHIE NORTON Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE Morality does not come from a book, it comes from the human mind.
ABHIJIT NASKAR We've got three starters, five entrees including the half-pound New York steak, four side dishes and...
TOM MOXCEY New York Tails does a great job of providing unique information and resources for pet owners in the ...
JEDD GOULD A gold book, fastened together in the shape of a book by wires of the same metal, had been dug up in...
CHARLES ANTHON If you're writing a book that takes place in New York in the moment, you can't not write abo...
RICHARD PRICE We just didn't make shots. We hung in OK with it for a half. We weren't fatigued. Frustration caused...
BETH BURNS I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE He's just a fast, fast horse. I know he's a New York-bred, but he's a well-bred New York-bred. He do...
DALE ROMANS Intellectual property is a very important part of the economic development equation. We've created d...
JAMES DENN

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX