Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.

TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy. Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need and immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day.""Pork?" shrieked the patient --"pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!""Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked."I swear it!""Good! --then I will undertake to cure you."

A physician who treats himself has a fool for a patient.

The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.

Depending on your culture, you can make physician which treats you feel himself like a veterinarian.