Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air.

He'll say some pretty funny stuff at the expense of a lot of people in the audience, but then he'll come back and redeem himself five minutes later.

I heard a few people gasp. Then, Tom had this funny conversation with the beer like it was a breakup with an old girlfriend. It had the crowd just howling.

My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.

It's a great compliment that people think they're fast reads. It's always funny to me because it takes so long to get a book (written) -- for me, it's never quick.

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.