REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

A cat is a soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion --thus:_Major Premise_: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man._Minor Premise_: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds; therefore --_Conclusion_: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second. This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.