Screw technicolor, red, and foreign languages. I dream in status updates.

Josh turns to me. “I can’t believe she’s writing these things.” “Not she,” I say. “Me.” “Why would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? It’s crazy!” “Exactly,” I say. “I’m going to be mentally ill in fifteen years, and that’s why my husband doesn’t want to be around me.

In porn, men give blow jobs like they love men. Women give blow jobs like they love the camera.

Who would have believed that a Wushu Master of the tenth degree black sash could need such a release?

Nothing was like knowing you were the appetizer for a feast of orgy, that you were what whetted the guests and enticed them to devour.

Amazing, life-altering anonymous picture quotes on FaceBook: Are they created by graphic designers who steal quotes or don't bother to research the author, or are they original and just have exceptionally less ego than I do? Cos if I ever write something that brilliant it's gonna have flashing headlights.