Self-publishing a shitty book doesn't make you an author any more than singing in the shower makes you a rockstar or squeezing your pimple makes you a dermatologist.


Oliver Markus

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That's what's happening....
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More Oliver Markus

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The red lipstick? It's supposed to signal fertility and readiness to mate. Just like the swollen red...
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God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
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When you push someone's head under water for 5 minutes, they will drown. It doesn't matter if the pe...
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Men have always wanted to have sex with as many fertile young women as possible. It's part of a man'...
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Media censorship is a prohibition of words and pictures. The war on drugs is a complete failure, and...
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If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and y...
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Do flat-earthers believe that other planets are also flat?
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The secret to good writing is to use small words for big ideas, not to use big words for small ideas...
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Why ban guns? Let's give everyone rocket launchers! What could possibly go wrong?
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I grew up in Germany. Europe is far more liberal than America. Even most conservative right-wing par...
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What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?

Philosophers have pondered that question fo...
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Introverts think about more than just being introverts.
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No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes th...
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Ladies,

I have bad news for you. Men are pigs. No really. I know you think you know what ...
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Some people looove to feel offended because it makes them feel important. When your only tool is a h...
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There is neither a Heaven for a Hell. Life after Death is an oxymoron. Life is just another word for...
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Men feel about sex the way vampires feel about blood. They don't just like it, they crave it. That's...
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Reading books doesn't make you smarter. Reading smart books makes you smarter. Reading dumb books ma...
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There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The...
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You probably think you know all about men, because you read a lot of romance novels, so you think yo...
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It would appear that a lot of people out there are hiding their own dark, socially unacceptable sexu...
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Sometimes, just for fun, I type some random, silly word in front of the word porn and google it. Jus...
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We all know that sex is the most interesting topic in the world. We love to talk about sex. There's ...
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Why do some people feel offended by the word shit, but not by the word poop? Because some little old...
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Medical studies have shown that cursing reduces levels of stress and pain. Repressing your anger is ...
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I curse when I get really upset. Letting off steam that way makes me feel a little bit better. I've ...
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We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, na...
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Why do some people feel offended by the word shit, but not by the word poop? Because some little old...
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I saw a documentary about prostitution in Holland a few years ago, that said over there health insur...
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Prostitution is not exactly a reputable business over there either, even though the girls actually h...
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In Germany, people will agree in theory that prostitution should be legal, but they usually won't ad...
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Right now we live in an age of extreme Political Correctness. It has gone way too far. I hope it's j...
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No matter what you do, no matter what you say, someone out there will proclaim how outraged they are...
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People don't believe in God because it's true, but because they were the victims of early childhood ...
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There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The...
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Everything we men do, everything we men have done for the past 100,000 years, is all about attractin...
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It's hard to argue over money when a girl flashes you her pussy.
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It's easy not to abuse your power when you don't actually have any power.
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In Europe, nobody will bleep you, if you want to say a "bad" word on TV. The idea that some self-rig...
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Being self-employed means you work 12 hours a day for yourself so you don't have to work 8 hours a d...
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Being a self-employed means you work 12 hours a day for yourself so you don't have to work 8 hours a...
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These social media shamings bear an uncanny resemblance to medieval witch hunts.”

If y...
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Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! ...
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A lot of women are ashamed of their pussies. They think it's not pretty enough. Not the right color....
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Every word serves a purpose. It conveys an idea. And the idea behind words like feces, stool, or poo...
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Why do women love to read about sexually aggressive billionaire bad boy alpha males but condemn the ...
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Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! ...
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Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! ...
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If a girl wants to sell her body, so be it. None of my business. Don't athletes sell their bodies, t...
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Mating has been programmed into our DNA. And that programming always influences our interaction with...
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I don't think any responsible performer would go on stage high. If he convinced himself he is better...
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I don't try to analyze my style now or I might lose it. Right now it's automatic and I don't want to...
OLIVER
I think some entertainers have been very irresponsible in their part in making drug use a fad among ...
OLIVER
I wouldn't say I'm happy, but I look at things in a soft way. I try to convey more personal interact...
OLIVER
My job is to entertain people by playing my music well. You shouldn't really be upset because people...
OLIVER
I like working alone. I feel freer, less constrained. I know what I have to do and I try to do it. T...
OLIVER
I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm not a CEO. I'm a nerdy computer programmer who likes to hav...
MARKUS PERSSON
No matter how many times she was told that she was loved, there was no recognition that the proof wa...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Most of the results of using technical bugging devices were of little importance for my service. It ...
MARKUS WOLF
I guess humans like to watch a little destruction. Sand castles, houses of cards, that's where they ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
You ever hear a dog cry, Steve? You know, howling so loud it's almost unbearable?' He nodded. 'I rec...
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How does it feel, anyway?"
How does what feel?"
When you take one of those books?"
At...
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We used to languish when we walked, or sidle down the street like dogs that have just done something...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I..." He struggled to answer. "When everything was quiet, I went up to the corridor and the curtain ...
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The words. Why did they have to exist? Without them, there wouldn't be any of this.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.
MARKUS HERZ
Si lance was not quiet and calm, and it was not peace.
MARKUS ZUSAK
A human doesn't have a heart like mine. The human heart is a line, whereas my own is a circle, and I...
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Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they...
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Imagine smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day.
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He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He m...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Maybe everyone can live beyond what they're capable of.
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We don't need a point, son. We're juvenile, we're dirty, we don't have girls, we have noses full of ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
There are so many moments to remember and sometimes I think that maybe we're not really people at al...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Together, they would watch everything that was so carefully planned collapse, and they would smile a...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I told her I loved the howling sound of her harmonica. That seemed to be the limit of my courage tha...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Ed?" Ritchie says later. We're still standing in the water. "There's only one thing I want."
"W...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Somewhere, far down, there was an itch in his heart, but he made it a point not to scratch it. He wa...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Humans, if nothing else, have the good sense to die.
MARKUS ZUSAK
I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
MARKUS ZUSAK
All my friends seem to be smart arses. Don't ask me why. Like many things, it is what it is.
MARKUS ZUSAK
She looks at the swings, and I can see she’s imagining what they’d look like if the kids weren�...
MARKUS ZUSAK
She leaned down and looked at his lifeless face and Leisel kissed her best friend, Rudy Steiner, sof...
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A DEFINITION NOT FOUND
IN THE DICTIONARY
Not leaving: an act of trust and love,
often...
MARKUS ZUSAK
The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.
MARKUS ZUSAK
She took a step and didn't want to take any more, but she did.
MARKUS ZUSAK
He was the crazy one who had painted himself black and defeated the world.

She was the bo...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Any email that contains the words 'important' or 'urgent' never are, and annoy me to...
MARKUS PERSSON
I had many boxing matches with my brother in the backyard when we were younger, and I guess while ot...
MARKUS ZUSAK
The sky is blue today, Max, and there is a big long cloud, and it's stretched out, like a rope. At t...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Well, this is basically the end, so the answers should be in these next few pages. I doubt they will...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Living in Sydney, I've taken the chance to start surfing again. One of my best memories of growi...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I guess people feel like they kind of know me. The game developer me, or the Twitter persona, that&#...
MARKUS PERSSON
It's not so much that the old friend is a better friend. It's just that you know the person better, ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Best friends one, and now we have almost nothing to say to each other. It was interesting, how he ha...
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I thought for a moment about the dog. Miffy. I guess no matter how much Rube and I complained about ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
... And the boy whose hair remained the color of lemons forever.
MARKUS ZUSAK
***A SMALL THEORY***
People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and its ends, bu...
MARKUS ZUSAK
The point is, Ilsa Hermann had decided to make suffering her triumph. When it refused to let go of h...
MARKUS ZUSAK
A couple of them were school beauty-queen pretty while a few were that more real-looking type. A rea...
MARKUS ZUSAK
My mouth opened.
It happened.
Yes, with my head thrown into the sky, I started howling. MARKUS ZUSAK
I remember disassembling and putting an old analog alarm clock together. It was a lot of fun figurin...
MARKUS PERSSON
It felt as though the whole globe was dressed in snow. Like it has pulled it on, the way you pull on...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Awkward.
That's exactly how it was when we walked over to our sister and stood on each side of ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
When life robs you, sometimes you have to rob it back.
MARKUS ZUSAK
I procrastinate in spades. In my defence, I also try to have all other distractions solved before I ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I think to be writer you have to enjoy being alone. I was a loner as a teenager and was always drawn...
MARKUS ZUSAK
When I was young, we didn't have indie games. We had 'garage developers' or similar term...
MARKUS PERSSON
The city was dark except for the building lights that seemed to appear like sores - like bandaids ha...
MARKUS ZUSAK
The happening that happened was that I met this girl ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Feast of Martin, Monk, Bishop of Tours, 397 When no tensions are confronted and overcome, because...
MARKUS BARTH
Commemoration of Richard Meux Benson, Founder of the Society of St John the Evangelist, 1915 It i...
MARKUS BARTH
Feast of Cuthbert, Bishop of Lindisfarne, Missionary, 687 It seems clear that those people who p...
MARKUS BARTH
Specifically, my favorite tool in Java is hot code swapping in debug mode, meaning I can edit the co...
MARKUS PERSSON
I really wanted to make a dungeon crawler, but this game came out, 'Legend of Grimrock 2,' w...
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A SMALL PIECE OF TRUTH
I do not carry a sickle or scythe.
I only wear a hooded black robe ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Of course, I'm being rude. I'm spoiling the ending, not only of the entire book, but of this particu...
MARKUS ZUSAK
It’s a small story really, about, among other things:

* A girl
* Some words
MARKUS ZUSAK
A small but noteworthy note. I've seen so many young men over the years who think they're running at...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I am haunted by humans.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Sometimes you read a book so special that you want to carry it around with you for months after you'...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Hair the color of lemons,'" Rudy read. His fingers touched the words. "You told him about me?"
...
MARKUS ZUSAK
One was a book thief. The other stole the sky.
MARKUS ZUSAK
People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I have to say that although it broke my heart, I was, and still am, glad I was there.
MARKUS ZUSAK
A small fact:
You are going to die....does this worry you?
MARKUS ZUSAK
She was saying goodbye and she didn't even know it.
MARKUS ZUSAK
My heart is so tired
MARKUS ZUSAK
The consequence of this is that I'm always finding humans at their best and worst. I see their ugly ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I carried [Rudy] softly through the broken street...with him I tried a little harder [at comforting]...
MARKUS ZUSAK
His soul sat up. It met me. Those kinds of souls always do - the best ones. The ones who rise up and...
MARKUS ZUSAK
How about a kiss, Saumensch?"

He stood waist-deep in the water for a few moments l...
MARKUS ZUSAK
If only she could be so oblivious again, to feel such love without knowing it, mistaking it for laug...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. "I'm okay" we say. "I'm alright". But sometim...
MARKUS ZUSAK
A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Even death has a heart.
MARKUS ZUSAK
I wanted to tell the book thief many things, about beauty and brutality. But what could I tell her a...
MARKUS ZUSAK
It kills me sometimes, how people die.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.
MARKUS ZUSAK
I haven't had much contact with Mayer. I don't know what he has done wrong now or why he shouldn't c...
MARKUS GANDLER
I just don't understand what is going on here. We have nothing to do with Walter Mayer.
MARKUS GANDLER
Summer came.
For the book thief, everything was going nicely.
For me, the sky was the colo...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I kept walking. Have you ever done that? Just walk. Just walk and have no idea where you're going? I...
MARKUS ZUSAK
'Minecraft' certainly became a huge hit, and people are telling me it's changed games. I...
MARKUS PERSSON
There are still some significant differences of opinion. But a century ago, pacifists were guilty of...
MARKUS FURRER
Facebook is not a company of grass-roots tech enthusiasts. Facebook is not a game tech company. Face...
MARKUS PERSSON
I think the more realistic you try to make the graphics and the experience, the more you limit yours...
MARKUS PERSSON
I tried to instill a different motivation, to give them the security and the conviction that they we...
MARKUS WOLF
As we walk back, it feels like the city is engulfing us. Adrenalin still pours through our veins. Sp...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I like the idea that every page in every book can have a gem on it. It's probably what I love mo...
MARKUS ZUSAK
PC gaming has always been strong, and I see it surviving for quite a few more years. It will be arou...
MARKUS PERSSON
I definitely think 'Minecraft' is a freak thing. There's no way you could replicate it i...
MARKUS PERSSON
You can't do anything if a person says no. In such a case, there's nothing you can do - unli...
MARKUS WOLF
She stood up and took the book from him, and as he smiled over his shoulder at some other kids, she ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find t...
MARKUS ZUSAK
... I felt something and vowed that if I ever got a girl I would treat her right and never be bad or...
MARKUS ZUSAK
It was the beginning of the greatest Christmas ever. Little food. No presents. But there was a snowm...
MARKUS ZUSAK
***HERE IS A SMALL FACT***
You are going to die.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Había una vez un hombre bajito y extraño que decidió tres cosas importantes acerca de su vida: MARKUS ZUSAK أحياناً تقوم بقراءة كتاب من روعته تريد اصطحابه معك لعد�...
MARKUS ZUSAK
She could smell the pages. She could almost taste the words as they stacked up around her.
MARKUS ZUSAK
If they killed him tonight, at least he would die alive.
MARKUS ZUSAK
And you're Cameron Wolfe. That' gotta start meaning somethin' boy. That's gotta start churnin' insid...
MARKUS ZUSAK
There were some tragic cases of women whose love was abused, who for a certain time procured importa...
MARKUS WOLF
If I had intended for 'Minecraft' to end up on consoles, I wouldn't have developed the g...
MARKUS PERSSON
Not leaving: an act of trust and love, often deciphered by children.
MARKUS ZUSAK
It was a Monday and they walked on a tightrope to the sun.
MARKUS ZUSAK
They ignore the reality that a new version of the same old problem will be waiting at the end of the...
MARKUS ZUSAK
It makes me wonder, Do we spend most of our days trying to remember or forget things? Do we spend mo...
MARKUS ZUSAK
We were maybe passing a little too much and not finishing the plays, but we're starting to move arou...
MARKUS NASLUND
'Minecraft' is to a large degree about having unique experiences that nobody else has had. T...
MARKUS PERSSON
... because a fight's worth nothing if you know from the start that you're going to win it. It's the...
MARKUS ZUSAK
All told, she owned fourteen books, but she saw her story as being made up predominantly of ten of t...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I'd seen glimpses of a different me. It was a different me because in those increments of time I tho...
MARKUS ZUSAK
The bittersweetness of uncertainty: To win or to lose.
MARKUS ZUSAK
I’m Angelina,” she says. “Are you here to save us?” I can see a tiny spark of hope awaken in...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Trust was accumulated quickly, due primarily to the brute strength of the man's gentleness, his ther...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.
CHRISTOPHER MARKUS
The Gunman is useless. I know it. He knows it. The whole bank knows it.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Why can’t the world hear? I ask myself. Within a few moments I ask it many times. Because it doesn...
MARKUS ZUSAK
We both laugh and run and the moment is so thick around me that i feel like dropping into it to let ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
I realize that nothing belongs to her anymore and she belongs to everything.
MARKUS ZUSAK
When her hands reached out and poured the tea, it was as if she also poured something into me while ...
MARKUS ZUSAK
Have you ever noticed that idiots have a lot of friends? It's just an observation.
MARKUS ZUSAK
Our footsteps run, and I don't want them to end. I want to run and laugh and feel like this forever....
MARKUS ZUSAK