Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

People thought this would be an award show -- but we couldn't get anybody to open up the envelopes. I've been backstage at a lot of rock concerts, and I've never seen musicians run away from white powder before!