She came towards me with a juicy gash between her legs that smelled like my best friend's sister" Just when I thought I'd escaped them all She comes reeling herself in pulling at my strings her hand quick to find my zipper She moaned the way a drunk old lady does And I wasn't even inside her yet "You don't have anywhere else to be," she managed to say... "My wounds have been reopened tonight already," I muttered I caught wind of the gully ...the part of her she once kept sacred as a Christian I smelled the information I lifted my hand into the air and hailed a cab He rolled down his window and saw her "Find another cab," he said, and sped off into the night I took her home because she said she was lonely really she was drunk off something some memory or some choice she walked funny... -one of her heels had broken On the couch I left her, Before I could go, she grabbed my cock I slapped her across the face and she pulled harder Her eyes stayed closed Her lips dripped Her grip clenched I wasn't getting out of this one unscathed "If I take my pants off, will you let me go?" I asked "If you take your pants off, I'll be suckin' that cock till you pass out from all the screamin'..." I slapped her again, because she needed it She laughed Saying her cousin beat her harder Saying her father knew how to really... ...make things happen I asked her what her father's number was Let's get his motherfucking self up here to take you away, that's what I said She said he died, or killed himself "What's the difference really," she said, chewing on her hair She let go of my cock on her own accord And she opened her eyes for a moment She closed them again And I could tell she was sleeping Her eyes opened once more Her face red where I'd hit her She tasted the blood on her lip "Do you think if we remind ourselves enough, we can make up for all the pain we've caused others?" I said to her, "We can't. All we can do is keep ourselves from all those who don't deserve it.
Dave Matthes
Related She wondered If I had woken up, would I have smelled his sadness, his desperation, and his detachmen... RACHEL THOMPSON I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. Write, for instance: "The night is full of ... PABLO NERUDA Tonight I Can Write Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for e... PABLO NERUDA Her phone beeps and she pulls it out again. She frowns. I give her a side-eye. “Everyth... ASHLEY POSTON For the Wife Beater's Wife With blue irises her face is blossomed. Blue Circling to ... BRUCE WEIGL Sweet Grace amazes me The way that she can see Beyond the man I am To the man that I ... JASON GRAY she is no longer the beautiful woman she was. she sends photos of herself sittin... CHARLES BUKOWSKI Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write, for example,'The night is shattered an... PABLO NERUDA Edie Sedgwick (1943-1971) I don't know how she did it. Fire She was shaking all over... PATTI SMITH Your daughter is ugly. She knows loss intimately, carries whole cities in her belly. ... WARSAN SHIRE Survive ... Some women survive by creating walls, big walls guarding their heart... IJEOMA UMEBINYUO Did she say anything before she died?" he asked. "Yes," the surgeon said. "She said, 'Forgive h... SHERMAN ALEXIE What does Éloa mean?” He narrowed his gaze, answered her literally. “It’s the name... SARAH MACLEAN What do you want to show me?" "Nothing, really. I just want to be alone with you for a mi... RAINBOW ROWELL MOM Wholeheartedly, She loved me- And inspired me- With transcending devot... GIORGE LEEDY I was only kidding about the hundred," she says. oh," I say, "what will it cost me?" CHARLES BUKOWSKI Love Sorrow Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must take care of what has... MARY OLIVER I love you," he said. She looked up at him, her eyes shiny and black, then looked away. "... RAINBOW ROWELL Sick of body, unable to rise up, vehemently intoxicated without wine . . . And it is as t... AL-MUTANABBī Voodoo Girl Her skin is white cloth, and she's all sewn apart and she has many colore... TIM BURTON So what's your doll's name?" Boo asked me. "Barbie," I said. "All their names are Barbie." SARAH DESSEN Hope Was but a timid friend; She sat without the grated den, Watching how my fate would te... EMILY BRONTë I want you,” she said. “Naked.” His nostrils flared as if he was soaking in the sc... NALINI SINGH When she comes She pulls you close She breathes in short bursts Her eyes close H... HENRY ROLLINS [T.J.] Without thinking, I held them out to her. She stopped laughing, and looked at me like she was... TRACEY GARVIS-GRAVES The multicolored kitten snuggled between her breasts. Lucky cat. "I thought ma... CANDIS TERRY As I saw it, all my mother's life, my father held her down, like lead strapped to ... LOUISE GLüCK As he took her hand he gave her all she had been waiting for-- a shiver dow... ATTICUS POETRY Do you think you might be able to love me someday?" He asked and heard her laugh softly. ... JASMINE DUBROFF he turns to the sunlight, And lifts her face up, She searches for the light, The ligh... ASHISH BHARDWAJ She lends her pen, to thoughts of him, that flow from it, in her solitary. LANG LEAV You want to know my sweet?" I ask her. She nods. I kiss her on the forehead. "... COLLEEN HOOVER Be to her, Persephone, All the things I might not be; Take her head upon your knee. S... EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY You really love her don't you," she said. With all my heart." She looked as sad as I'd eve... NICHOLAS SPARKS Daffodowndilly She wore her yellow sun-bonnet, She wore her greenest gown; She... A.A. MILNE She died--this was the way she died; And when her breath was done, Took up her simple ward... EMILY DICKINSON Lash had been explaining to her that it's impolite to refer to an African American as a nigga, unles... CHRISTOPHER MOORE I believe in you, my darling. I believe in you." He closed his eyes. And when he opened th... ELIZABETH HOYT Power Living in the earth-deposits of our history Today a backhoe divul... ADRIENNE RICH I just want to know—are you rooting for me? Are you hoping I pull this off?" Cath's eye... RAINBOW ROWELL Do you love him?” I jumped out of my skin. She was standing right beside me. “Who?” JULIE ANNE PETERS Everyone has always said I look like Bailey, but I don't. I have grey eyes to her green, a... JANDY NELSON Not only did I love her, but I could tell the universe loved her, too. More... CHRISTOPHER POINDEXTER Everything ok here ?" Ryan grunted urging her with a hand on her lower back. "He thinks yo... SUZANNE WRIGHT I brush her hair out of her eyes and run my finger along the edge of her face. "I love you, Lake." COLLEEN HOOVER How would you like it if I said to you, 'It kills me to say this, but you're actually a tiny bit bea... MELINA MARCHETTA MY MOTHER GETS DRESSED It is impossible for my mother to do even the simplest... DAPHNE GOTTLIEB So what was that all about?" "I think," Jace said, "that she asked if she could touch my mango.... CASSANDRA CLARE Peter..." He straightened, his back to her like a wall. Then, slowly, he turned his face toward... SARAH BLAKLEY-CARTWRIGHT There once was a girl who found herself dead. She peered over the ledge of heaven and saw ... JANDY NELSON He then kissed her. It was a very long time before he let her go. When he did, she looked... EVA IBBOTSON My phone pinged. It was a text from Cookie.I'm not good at cocking guns. DARYNDA JONES She tossed her towel on her dresser and turned to the bed where shed left her PJs. Only it wasn't ju... C.C. HUNTER Papa, do you like my new friend?" Frances Catherine asked when they were halfway across the field. JULIE GARWOOD She was like the sun, She knew her place in the world - She would shine again regardless... NIKKI ROWE “Here’s my number. I almost forgot to give it to you.” I swallow as I stare at t... KATIE MCGARRY What are you doing?" she asked. Grimacing, he considered returning his mouth to hers and ... LORRAINE HEATH A bird who hurt her wing, now forgotten how to fly. A song she used to sing, bu... LANG LEAV I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me... She showed me her room, isn't it good, ... NORWEGIAN WOOD (THE BEATLES) Summerset, don't you ever sleep?" "It's Lieutenant Dallas. She's--" Roarke dro... J.D. ROBB Her close friends have gathered. Lord, ain't it a shame Grieving together Sharing the... KRIS KRISTOFFERSON But why did she come back and take her card away?" asked Miss Mackintosh. "I told Florence that Miss... E.F. BENSON She murmured, "You're unfinished." "Aye, precisely." "I need to go." When she moved t... KRESLEY COLE She stared into his eyes and announced, “A good-bye kiss.” It was at that Raid stopped dead... KRISTEN ASHLEY It’s not her shape, her face, or her hair that makes her beautiful. Neither is it t... PIERRE ALEX JEANTY I said, I want to tell you something. She said, you can tell me tomorrow. I had never told... JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER Faris turned on him. "Why choose to wear black today, of all days? I know why I'm in black. Why are ... CAROLINE STEVERMER Mia stayed where she was, distrust plain in her eyes. "I've got tea," Mercurio sighed. "And cak... JAY KRISTOFF Ô, the wine of a woman from heaven is sent, more perfect than all that a man can in... ROMAN PAYNE So, having found a lady, could you not have come to her aid, or left her alone? Why drag her into yo... NEIL GAIMAN Keep an eye out for her, she tends to disappear intermittently, leaving no note for o... AKASH MANDAL Abby touched her palm to my cheek. "You know what, Mr. Maddox?" "What, baby?" Her expressi... JAMIE MCGUIRE And then that voice from behind her said her name again. "Celaena." They had d... SARAH J. MAAS Dread was always with her, an alarm system in her head, alert to her next disaster. Despit... G.G. RENEE HILL She knew it was time, What for was the mystery but focused; she remained. She turne... NIKKI ROWE I can't see why you should want to dance with me now, when you never have before." The statement was... LISA KLEYPAS And I'm not sensitive at all, Philip. Just mean." He smiled down at her. "Have you ever co... NORA ROBERTS For Lucie," Peter said quietly, the flame of a gilded saint's candle fluttering in his hand." "... SARAH BLAKLEY-CARTWRIGHT I caught a red bird once, I fell in love with her, Took the red bird home with me, I... QUETZAL One of them has to break,” the queen said to the princess. “Only then can it begin.” SARAH J. MAAS She moaned, long and low, wanting to arch, to thrash, to scream. Instead she opened her mouth and bi... ELIZABETH HOYT I walked a mile with Pleasure; She chatted all the way; But left me none the wiser Fo... ROBERT BROWNING HAMILTON Sorry,” he said. “Let me drop the belt-" “No.” She held on when he would have pulled aw... JILL SHALVIS I was told The average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7 She picks the color... RUDY FRANCISCO I begged her, 'Please don't leave me stranded in the middle of some primitive zarking forest with no... DOUGLAS ADAMS Can she be divorced?" I asked. "And famous for her commercials and ideas?" She can be anyt... SARAH DESSEN Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs. She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppi... J.R. WARD Soeur Marie Emelie" Soeur Marie Emelie is little and very old: her eyes are ony... CARYLL HOUSELANDER You know," Marion said, "I met a woman once when I was a teenager. I knew she had gone through a lot... ERICA BAUERMEISTER You're cute when you're worried," she muttered. "Your eyebrows get all scrunched together." "Y... RICK RIORDAN Stop! Stop!” Sophie shrieked with laughter as she ran down the stone steps that led to the g... JULIA QUINN Lia pulled back, moonlight dancing in her dark eyes. “If you’re trying to make me go easy on you... LISA KESSLER Put your arms around my neck, sweetheart." "Whatever for?" He grasped her wrists and lifte... CATHERINE ANDERSON After a steadying breath, Aislinn turned to Keenan. "I'm sure you can figure out lunch without help.... MELISSA MARR Her hands brushed Shane's, and he let go of the cards and took hold. And then somehow she... RACHEL CAINE He grasped her by the wrist , running a thumb along the sensitive skin underneath. "Then let me call... SARAH J. MAAS Right," Chaol said. "So you're just...memorizing that information now?" "If you're sugges... SARAH J. MAAS When Kai fell silent, she risked a glance at him. He was staring at her hands [which she always hold... MARISSA MEYER i deem her insecurities insufferable turn-offs as if the male standard for sexiness i... BRITT GREIFELD Lovecraft says he knows about tentacles but that motherfucker never bedded a girl from We... DAVE MATTHES
More Dave Matthes
There just isn’t enough cock in this world to be caught suckin’ and be called anything but a slu... DAVE MATTHES ...you're either gonna spend your life fucking pussy, or taking it to church. DAVE MATTHES Plans never go as planned, ever; that’s just how life is. People spend way too much time dreaming ... DAVE MATTHES When you can no longer differentiate between the insanity spewed onto the blank page, and the madnes... DAVE MATTHES When it happens and it hits hard, we decide certain things, and realize there's truth in all those d... DAVE MATTHES Life will hack off your head and shit down your neck every chance it gets. I've found that consuming... DAVE MATTHES Sad, slow music in the small hours of the morning isn't just sad and slow music. It's a narration. A... DAVE MATTHES I see things in windows and I say to myself that I want them. I want them because I want to belong. ... DAVE MATTHES Lovecraft says he knows about tentacles but that motherfucker never bedded a girl from We... DAVE MATTHES Embrace all emotions: sadness, happiness, sorrow, hate, love, prejudice, fear; they are weapons agai... DAVE MATTHES In the hours waking, when we're still all still, and you can hear the floorboards creaking... DAVE MATTHES That's the beautiful thing about innocence; even monsters have a pocketful of childhood memories wit... DAVE MATTHES ~Posters with torn edges hanging from rotten walls~ The doctor told me something once DAVE MATTHES Hemingway is overrated, Twain is even more lost at sea, And all truths point to the mouth ... DAVE MATTHES Some people's glasses are half full. I'm the one drinking them. Some people have forgotten tha... DAVE MATTHES I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never ... DAVE MATTHES To all the boys, for when you become men: you'll leave women all throughout your life because they'r... DAVE MATTHES The piano sounds vibrating from the bar below made the floor a playground for my shoeless toes. Down... DAVE MATTHES So you mean to tell me you won't fuck anyone you don't share some kind of deep emotional connection ... DAVE MATTHES Let me ask you this: How many days do you have left, if any, in the life you promised for yourself y... DAVE MATTHES Being crazy, for the rest of us, is a form of sanity. DAVE MATTHES ...ya can't get to Nevada on five bucks and a bad heart... DAVE MATTHES Reaction time Touch the underside of a penny you find on the street Doesn't fe... DAVE MATTHES The door is cracked We used to meet like water does land no not that ... DAVE MATTHES I didn't recognize it as such then, because I was only thirteen years old, but later I found it a bi... DAVE MATTHES You don't have to go back to the way things were. Just go back to the point where you left off. Don'... DAVE MATTHES You know one day, you're going to look back on these days. And everyone you went to high school with... DAVE MATTHES ...people who don't live at least a little bit in fear, have nothing left to live for. DAVE MATTHES The day I became a writer it wasn't the day a whore paid me in sex in exchange for one of ... DAVE MATTHES There's folly in her stride that's the rumor justified by lies I've seen her up close... DAVE MATTHES She once told me of a night that fumed with escapes and was filled with bedsides reeking of ecstasy;... DAVE MATTHES Confidence don't mean jack shit in the real world, sis," she once said. I feel myself finding the co... DAVE MATTHES An empty bottle of Jack is almost just as beautiful as a new and unopened bottle...in the same sense... DAVE MATTHES I've always felt that distant train whistles heard in the dead of night are the universe's way of le... DAVE MATTHES I do still get shocked every once in a while when I catch my reflection when I'm walking past a ... DAVE MATTHEWS Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But... DAVE ATTELL Everyone has a breaking point, turning point, stress point, the game is permeated with it. The fans ... DAVE WINFIELD Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. DAVE BARRY We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi... DAVE BARRY Instead of sailing off into the sunset, he hopes to sail into the next century. DAVE ANDERSON For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. DAVE BARRY What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe... DAVE BARRY Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. DAVE BARRY Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ... DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ... DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a... DAVE BARRY The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso... DAVE BARRY The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. DAVE BARRY I never excelled at one sport or had a very strong passion for anything other than wrestling and bod... DAVE BAUTISTA A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are t... DAVE ATTELL As an individual, I think you have to find your own path. I like the simplicity and purity of Hindui... DAVE DAVIES I had a few brushes with death, where I nearly chose to go. The final one in 1996 did it for me. I s... DAVE GAHAN The important thing to remember is that bugs don't actually talk. DAVE FOLEY When people get disillusioned and get insecure and content about the future, they tend to brood abou... DAVE DAVIES Jazz isn't dead yet. It's the underpinning of everything in this country. Whether it's a... DAVE BRUBECK And that's actually the brunt of what we do is, people going straight from their workplace, stra... DAVE EGGERS That's country music for you - bourbon and the Bible. DAVE HAYWOOD So this is the space during tutoring hours. It's very busy. Same principles: one-on-one attentio... DAVE EGGERS You can do and use the skills that you have. The schools need you. The teachers need you. Students a... DAVE EGGERS The Left likes to think of itself as the bulwark of progressive liberal individualism, and yet it se... DAVE BRAT Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. DAVE BARRY A standard sitcom... is a very standard idea, like these people falling in love and living with each... DAVE FINKEL Standing out as a writer today requires more than a bright idea and limpid prose. Authors need to be... DAVE MORRIS Empire Square production finishes in about a month's time, so at the moment, right now, I'm ... DAVE ROWNTREE It is criminal to put our servicemen and women in harm's way and to put the lives of so many civ... DAVE MATTHEWS We don't have enough people going into those fields and there is a high burnout rate in some hea... DAVE OBEY Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th... DAVE BARRY If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. DAVE BARRY The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i... DAVE BARRY I go to see some big shows of other bands, and I feel like I'm so bombarded and over-stimulated ... DAVE GAHAN I'm tired of high policy talks. I want to focus on nuts and bolts. DAVE FREUDENTHAL The thing that will never go away is that connection you make with a band or a song where you're... DAVE GROHL I played a homosexual bodyguard in 'The Last Detective,' and that was quite a pleasure to do... DAVE LEGENO It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso... DAVE BARRY The baby boomer surge is forcing society to face decisions about costs - and particularly what is va... DAVE DEBRONKART Granted, a long book can be as daunting as a hard one. I nearly reached for 'Game of Thrones'... DAVE MORRIS Joy comes from places you least expect it. It's usually the simple things, like watching my son ... DAVE GAHAN If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to... DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or... DAVE BARRY The waves of love roll throughout the Universe, and overflow in our hearts.. Everything is ONE! DAVE ZEBIAN I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor... DAVE BARRY I'm so alive. As I stand facing the beauty of the never-ending Pacific Ocean, a late afte... DAVE PELZER 'Breaking Bad' and 'The Shield' were planned right from the start so that their narr... DAVE MORRIS I found there's a fairly blatant racism in America that's already there, and I don't thi... DAVE MATTHEWS I want to make hand-held music, undiminished by the need to make everybody in the world listen at on... DAVE SITEK We all have to die some day, if we live long enough. DAVE FARBER We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless... DAVE BARRY The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio... DAVE BARRY I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. DAVE BARRY That’s what books do. They are the building blocks, the DNA, if you will, of you. Think of everyth... DAVE EGGERS I will not wait to love as best as I can. We thought we were young and that there would be time to l... DAVE EGGERS Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on. DAVE BARRY It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ... DAVE BARRY You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." DAVE BARRY Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! DAVE BARRY I'd take a nerf bullet for you. DAVE BARRY What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car... DAVE BARRY The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ... DAVE BARRY It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have... DAVE BARRY I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r... DAVE BARRY Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. DAVE BARRY I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. DAVE BARRY In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba... DAVE BARRY Books have a unique way of stopping time in a particular moment and saying: Let’s not forget this. DAVE EGGERS Wake up naked drinking coffee Making plans to change the world While the world is changing... DAVE MATTHEWS Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi... DAVE BARRY Can you imagine the reaction of a British tabloid newspaper if they found a small school in rural En... DAVE GORMAN We have advantages. We have a cushion to fall back on. This is abundance. A luxury of place and time... DAVE EGGERS How could I have been anyone other than me? DAVE MATTHEWS My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit... DAVE BARRY As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, ... DAVE PARNAS Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading. DAVE STORER Giving half answers won't make the conversation half as long. DAVE JOHNSON Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b... DAVE BARRY A theme is a memory aid, it helps you through the presentation just as it also provides the thread o... DAVE CAREY What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be... DAVE BARRY Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula... DAVE BARRY Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ... DAVE BARRY Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told. DAVE BARRY There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ... DAVE BARRY The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ... DAVE BARRY It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in... DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went... DAVE BARRY Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h... DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo... DAVE BERRY Anything done for the first time unleashes a demon. DAVE SIM I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ... DAVE BARRY The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. DAVE BARRY A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer DAVE BARRY It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer... DAVE BARRY Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p... DAVE BARRY The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they... DAVE BARRY My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst... DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris... DAVE BARRY The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. DAVE BARRY The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas... DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y... DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h... DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa... DAVE BARRY And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta... DAVE BARRY The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe... DAVE BARRY Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. DAVE BARRY New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ... DAVE BARRY Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza... DAVE BARRY Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won... DAVE BARRY Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. DAVE BARRY Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. DAVE BARRY I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu... DAVE BARRY One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute... DAVE BARRY If you can't excell with talent, triumph with effort. DAVE WEINBAUM People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th... DAVE BARRY Our environmental problems originate in the hubris of imagining ourselves as the central nervous sys... DAVE FOREMAN Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit... DAVE BARRY We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ... DAVE BARRY We are not meant to know everything, Mae. Did you ever think that perhaps our minds are delicately c... DAVE EGGERS You sit at a desk twelve hours a day and you have nothing to show for it except some numbers that wo... DAVE EGGERS It’s not that I’m not social. I’m social enough. But the tools you guys create actually manufa... DAVE EGGERS Even in a country like the USA where fitness has become an obsession, most people exercising do not ... DAVE WILSON Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi... DAVE BARRY We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i... DAVE BARRY Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up. DAVE CHECKETT You can't choose what you're famous for in life. DAVE KELLETT The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dic... DAVE KELLETT A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple lea... DAVE MEURER Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris... DAVE BARRY The future is no place to place your better days. DAVE MATTHEWS Nothing can do what a book can do. Lifts you out of your life... to a whole new world, whole new per... DAVE KELLETT I was trying to make the web more civil. I was trying to make it more elegant. I got rid of anonymit... DAVE EGGERS Gang violence in America is not a sudden problem. It has been a part of urban life for years, offeri... DAVE REICHERT It's all very boring to say that we get along great and all that and sometimes we mock up come a... DAVE EDMUNDS To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. DAVE BARRY American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi... DAVE BARRY Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho... DAVE BARRY In terms of personalities - I don't care about the personalities, I want leadership that's i... DAVE BRAT I became a war hero before going on to critical acclaim as a professional victim. DAVE PELZER Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. DAVE BARRY When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose you self-worth in the process. DAVE PELZER Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re... DAVE BARRY I work 338 days a year, 16 hours a day. DAVE PELZER At a family's most difficult time, I want to make sure at a minimum that they have the very basi... DAVE REICHERT It's tough to go to sleep at night, and I wake up after five hours because I feel like I'm w... DAVE GROHL I taught myself how to play the guitar, I taught myself how to play the drums, and I kind of fake do... DAVE GROHL There's poetry in being the band that can sell out Wembley but also makes a record in a garage. ... DAVE GROHL My mother was a public school teacher in Virginia, and we didn't have any money, we just survive... DAVE GROHL Through Kurt I saw the beauty of minimalism and the importance of music that's stripped down. DAVE GROHL Singing into a microphone and learning to play an instrument - learning to do your craft - that'... DAVE GROHL My songwriting is like extending a hand to the listener. DAVE GROHL I stopped doing drugs when I was 20. I was finished with drugs before Nirvana even started. DAVE GROHL In this day and age, when you can use a machine or computer to simulate or emulate what people can d... DAVE GROHL I've experienced great things, I've experienced great tragedies. I've done almost everyt... DAVE GROHL Wow, I get to wake up again? Ok. You have to make good with what you've got. DAVE GROHL I think people should feel encouraged to be themselves. DAVE GROHL When you're young, you're not afraid of what comes next. You're excited by it. DAVE GROHL Your personal history is a part of what happens with your hands and your head as you play music. DAVE GROHL When there's so much left to do, why spend your time focusing on things you've already done,... DAVE GROHL There's always gonna be rock n' roll bands, there's always gonna be kids that love rock ... DAVE GROHL If there's one thing I'm good at, it's gathering people together to do something fun. DAVE GROHL