She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
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She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.
JOAN RIVERS Believe me what I did came from my heart. She asked me for help and I gave it to her. She wanted her...
JOE SPARICO I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN She is also a young woman who falls in love, has her heart broken, worries about her looks, doesn't ...
JUDITH REGAN I told her I wanted a plastic surgeon to sew me up, and I wanted her to freeze my ovaries, so I coul...
FRAN DRESCHER The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Her history and her quest for stardom will make a compelling television series: she is a musician, a...
JUDITH REGAN I learned from her that every woman is worried
about her looks, no matter how beautiful she is.
RICHARD FEYNMAN Jenny, she's aw weet, peer body,
Jenny's like to cry;
For she hes weet her petticoats
In...
MISS SUSANNA BLAMIRE AND MISS CATHERINE GILPIN She's saying that she was raped by her father, he threatened her, he threatened her and her mother i...
MIKE WRIGHT She got a lot of open looks today. We didn't do a very good job of getting out on her.
KAROLINA PIOTRKIEWICZ Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW She looks like a million dollars but she only knows a hundred and twenty words and she's only got tw...
ERIC LINKLATER Nan Gorman was born in Memphis, Tenn., on St. Patrick's Day. She moved to Hazard in 1929 when he...
ELAINE CHAO Elizabeth did a great job for us, and she got a lot of support from her defense behind her.
BRANDY FRAZIER Hillary Clinton bothers me a lot. I realized the other day that her thoughts sound a lot like Karl M...
DICK ARMEY The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX She looks like she combs her hair with an egg beater.
HEDDA HOPPER She has deceived her father, and may thee.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Whom she refuses, she treats still / With so much sweet behaviour, / That her refusal, through her s...
WILLIAM CONGREVE Oh, my wife is a wonderful cook. She comes from a food-loving Italian family - her father owned a pi...
BUDDY VALASTRO But she loved her dad; she was a daddy's girl. She said her father had changed the life insurance an...
MALINDA GONZALES You should see how she looks at her daddy.
MICHELLE WILLIAMS She looks really tired. She had really black circles under her eyes and her hair was kind of messed ...
ELLEN KNICKMEYER Amy pulls away and looks into my face. Her pale skin is blotchy red, her eyes are veined and shadowe...
BETH REVIS I always wanted to be a surgeon, because I had a lot of admiration for my father, who is also a surg...
MAGDI YACOUB She was holding, her sister was on top of her, and she got the impact from being thrown and that's w...
BARBARA GREEN She looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth
JONATHAN SWIFT i'm sorry she never got her miracle.
she did get her miracle, Landon, her miracle was you.
NICHOLAS SPARKS She started really slow, and her opponent is a very hard hitter who dominated the 'T' for a while. O...
GAIL RAMSAY Beauty lasts five minutes. Maybe longer if you have a good plastic surgeon.
TIA CARRERE I think her emotions got to her a little more than she anticipated.
JOHN ZIMMERMAN Harpo Marx looks like a musical comedy.
WALTER KERR She really carried us right when we needed her the most. We did a great job finding her for open loo...
BRIAN BAUM Her beauty lies in her work. She looks the most beautiful in the field -- natural, no makeup, nothin...
WYCLEF JEAN Her grandmother was a drug dealer. Her mother was a drug addict, and she never knew her father. Nico...
GARY W. ADAIR She looks at him (Andrew) with such love in her eyes.
APRIL GODRA I play the unsinkable Molly Brown, which is where she got her name from, because she survived.
MARILU HENNER When you have a beanpole body, everything looks cute. Like Alexa Chung. I like her style, but she...
KIRSTEN DUNST And the LORD said unto Moses, If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seve...
BIBLE Yes, for a long time but I admired her and respected everything that I could sort of see in her from...
ANDRE AGASSI A woman is like your shadow - follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows
CHAMFORT She had some money left over from her allowance that I made her give her father for gas, driving his...
MARIA PARTON One girl who stands out was this Miami stripper. She still lives with her mother and father, and the...
METHOD MAN When my father died, my mother came back from being Mrs. Birkin to being Judy Campbell. She was a st...
JANE BIRKIN She's from out of town, and it was just given to her from her parents from out of town and they got ...
DR. THERESA SPALDING We were poor. But my mom never accepted that. She worked hard to become a residential contractor - g...
FRANK OCEAN I cannot speak on her behalf, after all President Saddam is her father, but her morale is good becau...
ISSAM GHAZZAWI Obviously, her bat is what got me interested. She hit the ball extremely well, but her arm strength ...
HOLLY VAN VLYMEN I think a girl looks good when she wakes up with nothing on her face.
JACKSON RATHBONE Think about her bound with duct tape. With a gag in her mouth, as the defendant walks toward her wit...
WENDY WILSON She buys "mixed salad greens" for seven dollars a bag, triple-washed with who knows what. And to get...
RUDOLPH DELSON She wanted a fucking cock... she wanted sex look in her eyes... you see that... look how she looks a...
DEYTH BANGER We did make it hard on her. She got winded early but she got a second wind. As you could tell late, ...
RANDALL SCHOEN I remember when it happened she didn't know where her father or her aunts or her grandmother was and...
JANICE WILLIAMS She had a really good race. This was her second top-10 finish, so it looks like she's on her way to ...
JANIS SERRANO She was hyperventilating. Acid started turning up in her stomach. By the time she got away from ever...
ANDREA STILLMAN Taylor has been running since the 6th grade. Her freshman year was her best, she had leg problems la...
DAN SATKOSKI . . . she tried to weave the strength of her father and the young beauty of her first love with Davi...
ZELDA FITZGERALD She's really focused and knows what's in her mind and her vision. It's shocking, stunning. She looks...
GAVIN ROSSDALE Do you think she is?" Her voice trembled. Her heart throbbed as she waited for him to answer. "You t...
MARISSA MEYER If a girl comes to me first for a prom or a bar mitzvah and she likes the way she looks and her boyf...
BETSEY JOHNSON I often joke that 100 years from now I hope people are saying, 'Dang, she looks good for her age...
DOLLY PARTON It looks like someone we got a (mailing) list from had some inaccurate information. I'm sure we need...
DIANA DON I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD She has been having a lot of trouble with her car recently. I got mad at her and told her that her v...
RICK ADAMS She struggled. She started good, but then she put on these wool gloves and got a rash. Her hands tur...
PAT BOWLIN Her father had brought her a bookbag. It had pencils and pens in it and even a yo-yo to play with. S...
PHYLLIS HUNTER Her mother said she was abducted a few days before in Houston, Tex., and that Scout basically got aw...
MANON CARRIE Italy, like areas of her childhood, is a part of her world she has always kept secret from her husba...
GLENN HAYBITTLE She looks healthy. Her pregnancy, as far as I can tell, is going fine.
LAURA PERKOVIC Her entire life was obeying orders. She’d left her Father behind, only to fall into the hands of a...
CALLIE HUNTER When my first daughter was born, my husband held her in his hands and said, 'My God, she's s...
AYELET WALDMAN Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER She's got a deletion of a certain strand of DNA that produces survival motor neurons. Because she do...
CLINT CHRISTOPHER He had had to be father and mother to her, and he had taken to his tasks with determination, seeking...
PAULA BRACKSTON She's thinking that what she's been doing all these years isn't what she wants to do anymore. Someti...
LEILA COBO My father has acted in over 700 films. My mother acted in one film, 'Kismat with Mithun Chakrabo...
SHRADDHA KAPOOR A Western woman is not her brother's or her father's property. She's just herself. She c...
AYAAN HIRSI ALI Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX There is a girl.
I named her love.
She has a father.
His name is desire.
Her mo...
DEBASISH MRIDHA I can't put into words what I felt when I saw the look on her face as she realized something she did...
HEATHER CASEY She was burned in multiple places over her body from her head to her toes.
GREGORY CLARK My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied, "Whatever ...
UNKNOWN She wore her pain like lingerie, only who loved her enough, got to see it.
HIMANSHU CHHABRA We wanted to double team her every time she got the ball. And make her work for everything she gets.
KRISTEN NEWLIN My father was a dark-skinned brother, but my mother was a very fair-skinned lady. From what I unders...
ICE T He sneered at his father. “He’ll live. I’m going after her.”
“What?” His sister sto...
G.A. AIKEN They took everything from her, her job, friends, boyfriend, freedom, choices, income, access to her ...
TALIDARI She has talent, but it is her heart that has got her this far. She has a lot of heart. When I first ...
CINDY VIRDO God created you. If you are up to another miracle, try with the plastic surgeon.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA The queen, I say, is the mother bee; it is undoubtedly complimenting her to call her a queen and inv...
JOHN BURROUGHS She's in the zone. She has sense of confidence. Her swing looks good. She's relaxed.
DENA MONTINI Shaun get your sister her glasses. She looks naked without them. It's creeping me out.
MIRA GRANT When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX