She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a Star Trek matter transporter accident.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.

Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!

Captain Jibby looked at the door, clenched his teeth, and worked his face into a scowl so fierce you would think the door had insulted his mother - which, for the record, it had not.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.