So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix.


Jasper Fforde

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Well, that's it." I said after we had waited for another five minutes and found ourselves still in a...
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extraordinary; I could almost see the Cambrian Mountains
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And the jour...
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Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
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Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day y...
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[from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]

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Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you wor...
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Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.
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I'll tell you what love is" I said, "It is blind devotion, unquestioning self humiliation, utter sub...
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Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.
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Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.
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Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had t...
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After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the re...
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I'm not of the opinion that the next logical step for a book is for it to be made into a film.
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Every book should have a romance.
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There is a contract between the reader and the writer. The readers give me their hard-earned cash, a...
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There is a certain degree of 'steampunkishness' that creeps into my books.
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If you give children the freedom to do very little, quite a lot will do very little.
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The fun one can have writing books about books is limitless, to be honest.
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Agents and publishers only want one thing - good writing.
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It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good.
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Perhaps fantasy offers imaginative escapism more than other genres.
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I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small s...
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Were you listening to a word I said '
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the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe
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I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallio...
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Businessman, philanthropist, large egg.
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So you could value your own life," replied the Titan. "Before that you were under the gods' thumbs, ...
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She opened the door within two seconds of his pressing the doorbell, letting out a stream of cats th...
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This must have been how it all began with Chymes,” sighed Jack. “A small
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If you drive at precisely twenty-nine miles per hour, the rumble strips play ‘Jerusalem’ on the ...
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I loved him, officer. More than any woman ever loved an egg.
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You speak baby gibberish?' asked Jack.
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Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way.
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'Imp...
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Do I have to talk to insane people?"
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So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?
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Are you okay?" asked Finisterre.
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When the amalgam is delivered to your dentist in a special protective box, he has to take extreme ca...
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At first I had some idea that the absence of color made the work more physical. Early on I was very ...
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[To survive has required tenacity. Koreans are reported even to have murdered children and mixed the...
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When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but t...
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Intention involves such a small fragment of our consciousness and of our mind and of our life.
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Everyone is of course free to interpret the work in his own way. I think seeing a picture is one thi...
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The only logical thing I can think of is that I knew there were such things as artists, and I knew t...
JASPER JOHNS
When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jok...
JASPER CARROTT
I decided that if my work contained what I could identify as a likeness to other work, I would remov...
JASPER JOHNS
There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your d...
JASPER CARROTT
Instead we were filling the newspaper with bland, harmless stories, and if there was anything sensit...
JASPER BECKER
The internet is a perfect example of a beautiful mess.
JASPER HARTSUIJKER
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute M...
JASPER CARROTT
I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newsp...
JASPER CARROTT
It's kind of like the old Barry Sanders Rule. The first person to him wouldn't take a shot at him. F...
ED JASPER
Am i on some distant battle field you say? No, I am but in my own mind and dreams replaying the batt...
JASPER WILKERSON
Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles.
JASPER CARROTT
I tend to like things that already exist.
JASPER JOHNS
The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested inte...
JASPER CARROTT
When you're playing every snap, the problem is you can't give 110 percent on every play.
ED JASPER
I spent last year with [former Eagles defensive end Derrick] Burgess in Oakland, and he misses this ...
ED JASPER
We need people. We got money. We don't have people.
ED JASPER
[Gosh can one guy, I mean, only one, change a team so completely? Evidently he can. Yeah, I could qu...
ED JASPER
That's one of the main reasons he deserves this (Pro Bowl). Teams are having to change their blockin...
ED JASPER
Because it's easy to play defense like this. It's harder when the other team has 10 minutes more of ...
ED JASPER
He's a backside runner. If he catches you running to the ball, he'll make you pay for it. Him making...
ED JASPER
I bull-rushed the guy. He tackled me. The ref threw the flag, late. So I'm thinking he's calling hol...
ED JASPER
It's a shame the way that game turned out because Tommy deserves more recognition than he's going to...
ED JASPER
My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the ...
JASPER CARROTT
As one gets older one sees many more paths that could be taken. Artists sense within their own work ...
JASPER JOHNS
My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better.
ELLE JASPER
To do a drawing for a painting most often means doing something very sketchy and schematic and then ...
JASPER JOHNS
Mine,” he whispered against my mouth. He kissed me again. “You are mine.”
In the ...
ELLE JASPER
If Nelson keeps working at things and keeps believing in himself, he can go a long way.
JASPER WILLIAMS
That's the only negative about this. These kids have been working hard all year for a win like this....
JASPER WILLIAMS
This was a big win for us. We stepped up and played with a lot of energy tonight. We made some turno...
JASPER WILLIAMS
The biggest thing is that we out rebounded them. We did a pretty good job on the boards. We pressure...
JASPER WILLIAMS
I was just listening to my coach. He told me to quit thinking about my shot and just shoot it n let ...
JASPER WILLIAMS
We didn't execute down the stretch. We didn't rebound during key possessions and that cost us the ga...
JASPER WILLIAMS
This is definitely a step for Yahoo, and a step for the industry.
JASPER MALCOLMSON
Industry-best prices will actually show up in Yahoo search results. We have created a search engine ...
JASPER MALCOLMSON
I had a good year, but those guys had good years, too. It could have gone to any of us. I know it wa...
JASPER JOHNSON
We're trying to do something that no other team at the school has done. We have a nice run going. We...
JASPER JOHNSON
I have no reason to feel bitter or think about anything in the past. This is the best place I can be...
JASPER JOHNSON
I felt comfortable around the guys. I felt it would be a good place for me. ... I respect Coach Rive...
JASPER JOHNSON
The competition is better than I thought it'd be. And I'm glad of it. I just like to play, and when ...
JASPER JOHNSON
Ideas either come or they don't come.
JASPER JOHNS
We have a lot of good players returning from last year and our recruiting class is excellent. I will...
JASPER EDWARDS
I really admire Rickey Bustle because he kept us up when everybody's head was down. He came in and s...
JASPER EDWARDS
I wasn't there for spring drills last year, and they had me working out at wide receiver. During the...
JASPER EDWARDS
At football practices the coaches and the players are really into it. The coaches are very hands-on ...
JASPER EDWARDS
It's part of a pattern at the Post where they're gradually been getting rid of all the people who wr...
JASPER BECKER
It's been successfully cheating its way with its nuclear program for something like 20 years, so I t...
JASPER BECKER
[Details of that extravagance are drawn from Kim's former lackeys.] For all the immense privileges e...
JASPER BECKER