Squiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?'

'Oh, rather!'

'What do you do about it?'

'I generally take a couple of cocktails.


P.G. Wodehouse

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The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I li...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
P. G. WODEHOUSE
I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.
P. G. WODEHOUSE
"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first,...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
P. G. WODEHOUSE
If I had had to choose between him and a cockroach as a companion for a walking-tour, the cockroach ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress rou...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thou...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were ...
P. G. WODEHOUSE
Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
I always advise people never to give advice.
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up ...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
My only objection to the custom of giving books as Christmas presents is perhaps the selfish one tha...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
Golf...is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge th...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is f...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
Flowers are happy things.
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE
It is good rule in life to never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and t...
P. G. [SIR PELHAM GRENVILLE] WODEHOUSE