Suppose neutral angels were able to talk, Yahweh and Lucifer – God and Satan, to use their popular titles – into settling out of court. What would be the terms of the compromise? Specifically, how would they divide the assets of their early kingdom?

Would God be satisfied the loaves and fishes and itty-bitty thimbles of Communion wine, while Satan to have the red-eye gravy, eighteen-ounce New York Stakes, and buckets of chilled champagne? Would God really accept twice-a-month lovemaking for procreative purposes and give Satan the all night, no-holds-barred, nasty “can’t-get-enough-of-you” hot-as-hell-fucks?

Think about it. Would Satan get New Orleans, Bangkok, and the French Riviera and God get Salt Lake City? Satan get ice hockey, God get horseshoes? God get bingo, Satan get stud poker? Satan get LSD; God, Prozac? God get Neil Simon; Satan Oscar Wilde?


Tom Robbins

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The international situation is desperate, as usual.
TOM ROBBINS
Beware the man who considers kissing as nothing more than duty, a sop to the "weaker" sex, an annoyi...
TOM ROBBINS
The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplacable being.
TOM ROBBINS
Whining's unattractive, even when your whine sounds like Kenneth Branagh eating frozen strawberries ...
TOM ROBBINS
Human beings were not well served by permanence or stasis. Obviously, if individuals were progressin...
TOM ROBBINS
Now tequila may be the favoured beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential...
TOM ROBBINS
Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign...
TOM ROBBINS
I believe in nothing, everything is sacred. I believe in everything, nothing is sacred.
TOM ROBBINS
Our Similarities bring us to a common ground; Our Differences allow us to be fascinated by each othe...
TOM ROBBINS
There is no such thing as a weird human being, It's just that some people require more understanding...
TOM ROBBINS
If it is committed in the name of God or country, there is no crime so heinous that the public will ...
TOM ROBBINS
It's been a positive thing for us. I think it's excellent.
TOM ROBBINS
What is it that separates human beings from the so-called lower animals? Well, as I see it, its exac...
TOM ROBBINS
Should one be shallow enough to view existence as a system of rewards and punishments, one soon lear...
TOM ROBBINS
We had a lot of young players this season. I thought they have improved over the course of the year....
TOM ROBBINS
There's always the same amount of good luck and bad luck in the world. If one person doesn't get the...
TOM ROBBINS
That's for God sure. People write memoirs because they lack the imagination to make things up.
TOM ROBBINS
Their desperate craving for simplicity sure can create complications. And their pitiful longing for ...
TOM ROBBINS
Who knows how to make love stay?Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in B...
TOM ROBBINS
Logic only gives man what he needs...Magic gives him what he wants.
TOM ROBBINS
The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only ...
TOM ROBBINS
When life demands more of people than they demand of life - as is ordinarily the case - what results...
TOM ROBBINS
To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.
TOM ROBBINS
The afternoon passed more slowly than a walnut-sized kidney stone.
TOM ROBBINS
Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef
TOM ROBBINS
Religion is not merely the opium of the masses, it's the cyanide.
TOM ROBBINS
I've decided to take advantage of outsourcing. My next novel will be written by a couple of guys...
TOM ROBBINS
To be or not to be isn't the question. The question is how to prolong being.
TOM ROBBINS
On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth w...
TOM ROBBINS
The brutal truth is, we're scarcely 'educating' children at all. Even if you overlook th...
TOM ROBBINS
Whether a man is a criminal or a public servant is purely a matter of perspective.
TOM ROBBINS
Alas, Gulietta, this was an American frog of the last quarter of the twentieth century, a time when ...
TOM ROBBINS
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this...
TOM ROBBINS
Conversation between a princess and an outlaw:
"If I stand for fairy-tale balls and dragon bai...
TOM ROBBINS
There are landscapes in which we feel above us not sky but space. Something larger, deeper than sky ...
TOM ROBBINS
If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe eve...
TOM ROBBINS
Now tequila may be the favored beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential ...
TOM ROBBINS
But why diminish your soul being run-of-the-mill at something? Mediocrity: now there is ugliness for...
TOM ROBBINS
But do we know how to make love stay?'
I can't even think about it. The best I can do is play i...
TOM ROBBINS
Disorder is inherent in stability. Civilized man doesn't understand stability. He's confused it with...
TOM ROBBINS
I am cheerful. I don't know if I'm happy. There is a difference, you know.
TOM ROBBINS
At the typewriter you find out who you are.
TOM ROBBINS