We've got to find a way to harmonize this so it's rational. There are going to be new technologies t...
MITCH BAINWOL It is critical that this activity be treated for what it is -- dealing in stolen property and profit...
MITCH BAINWOL the best plan is changeable
MITCH I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
MITCH HEDBERG Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
MITCH HEDBERG I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
MITCH HEDBERG I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
MITCH HEDBERG I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was proli...
MITCH HEDBERG If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
MITCH HEDBERG I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
MITCH HEDBERG I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
MITCH HEDBERG People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has...
MITCH HEDBERG This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
MITCH HEDBERG When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
MITCH HEDBERG All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
MITCH HEDBERG I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that b...
MITCH HEDBERG The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a w...
MITCH HEDBERG Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Rob...
MITCH HEDBERG Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
MITCH HEDBERG A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, s...
MITCH HEDBERG People in the industry foresee a time in which, for many people, the only thing they'll need on ...
MITCH KAPOR When business leaders ask me what they can do for Indiana, I always reply: 'Make money. Go make ...
MITCH DANIELS I think we need to respect the wishes of voters. They have been busily at work making these decision...
MITCH MCCONNELL I give Bill Gates an A for vision because, as a business person and a strategist, he's brilliant...
MITCH KAPOR We did the two-year extension of Bush tax cuts in 2010. We negotiated the Budget Control Act in Augu...
MITCH MCCONNELL I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're g...
MITCH HEDBERG I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
MITCH HEDBERG The border is way more porous than it should be, and I think we'd be open to discussing anything...
MITCH MCCONNELL My funeral," the Blue Man said. "Look at the mourners. Some did not even know me well, yet they came...
MITCH ALBOM We're living under the Obama economy. Any CEO in America with a record like this after three yea...
MITCH MCCONNELL People come down for baseball or football or hockey and drive by the refurbished Fox and State theat...
MITCH ALBOM If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it's goi...
MITCH ALBOM My jaw dropped, ... I felt shame that I had to find out over the television, then felt sorrow and a ...
MITCH ALBOM Since everyone was going to die, he could be of great value, right? ... He could be research. A huma...
MITCH ALBOM You're not a wave, you're a part of the ocean.
MITCH ALBOM A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions ...
MITCH RATCLIFFE Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a we...
MITCH ALBOM You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense o...
MITCH ALBOM Now you know how badly someone wanted you, Charley. Children forget that sometimes. They think of th...
MITCH ALBOM Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.
MITCH ALBOM You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, y...
MITCH ALBOM But she wasn’t around, and that’s the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead of goin...
MITCH ALBOM I drive a beat-up Mercury Cougar, with the windows down and the music up. I seek my identity in toug...
MITCH ALBOM So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy do...
MITCH ALBOM All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prin...
MITCH ALBOM But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Som...
MITCH ALBOM Death ends a life, not a relationship.
MITCH ALBOM Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring t...
MITCH ALBOM The reason kids like rock 'n roll is their parents don't.
MITCH MILLER A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possibl...
MITCH RATLIFFE Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that
MITCH ALBOM Time is not what you think. Dying? Not the end of everything. We think it is. But what happens on ea...
MITCH ALBOM People are only mean when they're threatened, and that's what our culture does. That's what our econ...
MITCH ALBOM Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks th...
MITCH ALBOM My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got h...
MITCH HEDBERG A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possibl...
MITCH RATCLIFFE Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, wit...
MITCH RATCLIFFE My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so......
MITCH HEDBERG Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, yo...
MITCH HEDBERG I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the...
MITCH HEDBERG when all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, ...
MITCH ALBOM I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, becau...
MITCH HEDBERG I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the d...
MITCH HEDBERG I mumble a lot off-stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend and I say something, he won't ...
MITCH HEDBERG I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio?...
MITCH HEDBERG I love you every day. And now I will miss you every day.
MITCH ALBOM I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.
MITCH ALBOM I don't know what it is about food your mother makes for you, especially when it's something that an...
MITCH ALBOM Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna...
MITCH HEDBERG Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is aweapon that attacks the...
MITCH ALBOM I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
MITCH HEDBERG The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to yo...
MITCH ALBOM Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
MITCH HEDBERG The widespread adoption of broadband and the continued advances in personal computing technology are...
MITCH KAPOR I had an amazing experience doing 'Skins.' It was the first acting I'd ever done in my e...
MITCH HEWER Political corruption is endemic all over this country, in some places worse than others, right? On c...
MITCH LANDRIEU There's an admirable belief about the virtues of meritocracy - that the best ideas prove the bes...
MITCH KAPOR I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-ci...
MITCH HEDBERG I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
MITCH HEDBERG My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfwa...
MITCH HEDBERG I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. Th...
MITCH HEDBERG If our nation goes over a financial Niagara, we won't have much strength and, eventually, we won...
MITCH DANIELS It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have han...
MITCH HEDBERG Among the weeds choking out growth and good government are the hundreds of boards, commissions, and ...
MITCH DANIELS The critical thing in developing software is not the program, it's the design. It is translating...
MITCH KAPOR I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
MITCH HEDBERG Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
MITCH HEDBERG I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
MITCH HEDBERG My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
MITCH HEDBERG I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and...
MITCH HEDBERG An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporari...
MITCH HEDBERG I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
MITCH HEDBERG You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't...
MITCH HEDBERG We all lose somebody we care about and want to find some comforting way of dealing with it, somethin...
MITCH ALBOM We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mort...
MITCH ALBOM There's a great deal of suspicion and misunderstanding about IT among practicing doctors. One he...
MITCH KAPOR Today, Democrats not only have the White House; they have the Senate too. So we have to be realistic...
MITCH MCCONNELL I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters,...
MITCH ALBOM The perverse presumption that places the burden of proof on the challenger of spending must be inver...
MITCH DANIELS I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
MITCH HEDBERG You have peace," the old woman said, "when you make it with yourself.
MITCH ALBOM A human textbook. Study me in my slow and patient demise. Watch what happens to me. Learn with me. M...
MITCH ALBOM Secrets tear you apart.
MITCH ALBOM Reversing the escalation of health care costs is going to need more than legislation, yet it can be ...
MITCH KAPOR Time," the Captain said, "is not what you think." He sat down next to Eddie. "Dying? Not the end of ...
MITCH ALBOM It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just ...
MITCH ALBOM Scenery without solace is meaningless.
MITCH ALBOM That's because no one is born with anger. And when we die, the soul is freed from it. But now, here,...
MITCH ALBOM Courage is confused with picking up arms and cowardness is confused with laying them down.
MITCH ALBOM It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just t...
MITCH ALBOM That's what heaven is. You get to make sense of your yesterdays
MITCH ALBOM No story sits by itself, Sometimes stories meet at corners and sometimes they cover one another comp...
MITCH ALBOM It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their ...
MITCH ALBOM There are five people you meet in heaven. Each of us was in your life for a reason. You may not have...
MITCH ALBOM Life has to end. Love doesn't.
MITCH ALBOM Fairness," he said, 'does not govern life and death. If it did, no good person would ever die young.
MITCH ALBOM Every life has one true love snapshot.
MITCH ALBOM People say they 'find' love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, an...
MITCH ALBOM This is the greatest gift God can give you: to understand what happened in your life. To have it exp...
MITCH ALBOM Love like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking joy. But sometimes, under the...
MITCH ALBOM Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. T...
MITCH ALBOM Heaven can be found in the most unlikely corners.
MITCH ALBOM Each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the st...
MITCH ALBOM There are no random acts...We are all connected...You can no more separate one life from another tha...
MITCH ALBOM The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.
MITCH ALBOM Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to as...
MITCH ALBOM Often, the disconnect between the marketing hype around a new product and what the product actually ...
MITCH KAPOR It just doesn't occur to an American that someone else will solve their problems. Americans take...
MITCH MCCONNELL All great enterprises have a pearl of faith at their core, and this must be ours: that Americans are...
MITCH DANIELS It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
MITCH HEDBERG Successful entrepreneurs develop products that inspire their passion. They have to. It's that pa...
MITCH KAPOR I used to be a classic workaholic, and after seeing how little work and career really mean when you ...
MITCH ALBOM Physicians today, as human beings, are not exempt from the perverse economic pressures created by fe...
MITCH KAPOR As a kid, I used to be equal parts drawn to and horrified of the circus. They would have these beaut...
MITCH GLAZER I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good...
MITCH HEDBERG For people who know both New York and the Bay Area, it is a complement to say that Oakland is San Fr...
MITCH KAPOR Before I started a company, I was an employee with a bad attitude. I was always felt like, bosses ar...
MITCH KAPOR Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a...
MITCH HEDBERG If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because ...
MITCH ALBOM I've witnessed first hand the impact the Benchmark team has had on new ventures, and I believe t...
MITCH LASKY My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's ha...
MITCH HEDBERG If freedom's best friends cannot unify around a realistic, actionable program of fundamental cha...
MITCH DANIELS I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other...
MITCH HEDBERG Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, beca...
MITCH HEDBERG I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store...
MITCH HEDBERG Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile whe...
MITCH HEDBERG In college, I had a course in Latin, and one day the word "divorce" came up. I always figured it cam...
MITCH ALBOM Death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being tak...
MITCH ALBOM Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them.....
MITCH ALBOM It's such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it.
MITCH ALBOM When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth...
MITCH ALBOM When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely...
MITCH ALBOM All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time.
MITCH ALBOM The failure of national economic policy is costing us more than jobs; it has begun to weaken that un...
MITCH DANIELS Things happen in American politics in the political center. If the President will meet us in the cen...
MITCH MCCONNELL She loved me coming and going, at my worst and at my best. She had a bottomless well of love for me.
MITCH ALBOM No feature of the Obama presidency has been sadder than its constant efforts to divide us, to curry ...
MITCH DANIELS Life in cyberspace is often conducted in primitive frontier conditions, but it is a life which, at i...
MITCH KAPOR I always think a debt ceiling is a good tool to carry something.
MITCH MCCONNELL The culmination of all of that was the decision to start a company, which became Lotus, to do a prod...
MITCH KAPOR For all that was happening to him, his voice was strong and inviting, and his mind was vibrating wit...
MITCH ALBOM He had refused fancy clothes or makeup for this interview. His philosophy was that death should to b...
MITCH ALBOM If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you ca...
MITCH ALBOM You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.
MITCH ALBOM We all yearn for what we have lost. But sometimes, we forget what we have.
MITCH ALBOM It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be.
MITCH ALBOM I thought about the days i had handed over to a bottle..the nights i can't remember..the mornings i ...
MITCH ALBOM The public is increasingly disgusted with a steady diet of defamation, and prepared to reward those ...
MITCH DANIELS The distributor used to get 10, 12, 14 percent in most cases, but the App Store or Steam - they'...
MITCH LASKY Not exactly what the world was looking for, a musical on 'Don Quixote.' It was required read...
MITCH LEIGH Today, in the Internet gold rush, so many people go into dot-com jobs right from school or even befo...
MITCH KAPOR Detroit is a place where we've had it pretty tough. But there is a generosity here and a well of...
MITCH ALBOM And this year, when we end the cruel, defeatist practice of passing children who cannot read into fo...
MITCH MCCONNELL There either is or is not, that’s the way things are. The colour of the day. The way it felt to be...
MITCH GLAZER Old ways of thinking die hard, particularly when they were weaned by legally enforced monopolies.
MITCH KAPOR The Senate is allowed to work the way it was designed to - meaning a place where nothing is decided ...
MITCH MCCONNELL Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.
MITCH HEDBERG I've turned down soap and deodorant commercials - it wasn't my route.
MITCH GAYLORD After adding trillions to the debt on big-government policies most Americans didn't ask for and ...
MITCH MCCONNELL His eyes were more sunken than I remembered them, and his cheekbones more pronounced. This gave him ...
MITCH ALBOM In the last 100 years, three presidents suffered big defeats in Congress in their first term and the...
MITCH MCCONNELL Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
MITCH ALBOM I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you...
MITCH HEDBERG I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally w...
MITCH HEDBERG I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was tryi...
MITCH HEDBERG Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over...
MITCH HEDBERG I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all ...
MITCH HEDBERG But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time.
MITCH ALBOM Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.
MITCH ALBOM Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it...
MITCH ALBOM Life has to end, love doesn't.
MITCH ALBOM Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from the inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attack...
MITCH ALBOM And in that line now was a whiskered old man, with a linen cap and a crooked nose, who waited in a p...
MITCH ALBOM The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.
MITCH ALBOM I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with the...
MITCH HEDBERG I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would nev...
MITCH HEDBERG You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at m...
MITCH HEDBERG With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quit...
MITCH HEDBERG The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
MITCH HEDBERG