Terrorists convince thousands of people to kill themselves in the name of God. I can't convince two of my friends to help me move.

Anytime I get to help the firefighters, I will. I'm real lucky to be in a position to help.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell - I'll never know why!

In California, the lines on the road are just a suggestion. They're in the left lane with the left indicator on, so naturally it's time to turn right! Are you kidding me? In your Prius? I know, you're saving the Earth by trying to kill the people!

He was real close to his family, his friends and God. He just wanted to help people. He had a very caring attitude.

When I meet people after stand-up shows, they'll bring their cars.