Thank you," he says.
"Thank who?"
"I don't know. You?"
"No, not me. Jesus."
"Thank you, Jesus?"
"Yes, Toph, Jesus died for your Christmas fun.
Dave Eggers
Related
We are both preachers. He preached the teaching of Jesus Christ, and I preached my philosophy.
...
KHALIL AL-SAKAKINI Dad?" Jesus asked.
"Yes, son?" God replied.
"Why do birds sing?" Jesus asked.
"Birds ...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS Thank you for letting me hijack your wish', I said.
'Thank you for wearing that dress whi...
JOHN GREEN If i sa thank you, will you go away?"
"Yes"
"Thank you" I said eagerly.
"I lied"
JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT Dont test me,
Second guess me,
Protest me,
You will DISAPEAR!
(East Jes...
GREEN DAY Dear Aunt Loretta,
Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted tha...
JEFF KINNEY People always get used to beauty, though.”
“I haven’t gotten used to you just yet,” he ...
JOHN GREEN Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine.
- Gloria
PATTI SMITH Thank you for the day and night,
for rainy spells and summer’s light.
Thank you for the ...
RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Eros mumbled something.
"I'm sorry?" said Aphrodite.
"Whatwouldjesusdo."
"What would ...
MARIE PHILLIPS you
not wanting me
was
the beginning of me
wanting myself
thank you
NAYYIRAH WAHEED For all that has been,
Thank you.
For all that is to come,
Yes!
DAG HAMMARSKJöLD Stomp stomp.
Whirr.
Pleased to be of service.
Shut up.
Thank you.
Stomp s...
DOUGLAS ADAMS Juliette,” he says.
“Yes?”
I can hear him breathing.
“Thank...
TAHEREH MAFI Dad?" Jesus asked.
"Yes, son?" God replied.
"What came before colors?" Jesus asked.
"...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS I wanted to thank you," I said.
She wrinkled her nose and squinted like I'd said something funn...
RANSOM RIGGS Dad?" Jesus asked.
"Yes, son?" God replied.
"Do we look like man or does he look like us?"...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS Dad!" Jesus yelled.
"Yes, son," God said.
"That star's light just went out," Jesus told hi...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS There you are. I've been looking for you.
His first words to me— not a lie at a...
SARAH J. MAAS O Lord I thank Thee for this wonderful body which by itself is a miracle.
Thank you for this wo...
LATIKA TEOTIA BEATRICE
Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
BENEDICK
Fai...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE girls
please give your
bodies and your
lives
to
the young men
who
CHARLES BUKOWSKI I know, I know, I know, ... I don't know why, but thank you, Jesus!
KELLY CLARKSON I'm done peeing now."
"Thank you for letting me know.
JESSICA PARK For all the people who have infected me with amor deliria nervosa in the past
- you know who yo...
LAUREN OLIVER Are you here for a reason, Cheshire?
Why, yes, I would enjoy a cup of tea. I take mine wi...
MARISSA MEYER You've never been in love?
Not even close.
And no ones ever in love with you?
Men always...
JAMES FREY There is nothing else to say, so I just murmur, "I know. Thank you for the chance." And I add, "Merr...
KATHRYN STOCKETT Jesus, Shep. I told you . . .”
“I know what you said. You have eighteen missed calls.” JAMIE MCGUIRE Dad?" Jesus asked.
"Yes son?" God replied.
"Why does man have so many religions?" Jesus as...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS There are parts of me that are broken. Thank you, they don't need fixing.
There are places and...
MISHI MCCOY I took a deep breath. 'For you I've got something better than love.'
What's that?'
I...tru...
AVI Dad?" Jesus asked.
"Yes, son?" God replied.
"Do we still have any wrapping paper?" Jesus a...
ANTHONY T. HINCKS I'm making a list
I'm making a list of things I must say
For politeness,
And goodness...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN Knock! knock!
who's there?
me!
me who?
that's right?
what's right?
mee...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN People are not an interruption of our business. People are our business.
A man's worst difficulties begin when he is able to do as he likes.
It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground.
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
The more intelligent a man is, the more originality he discovers in men. Ordinary people see no diff...
The intelligence is proved not by ease of learning, but by understanding what we learn.
Communication is something so simple and difficult that we can never put it in simple words.
Like threads of silver seen through crystal beads
Let love through good deeds show.
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
In everyone's heart stirs a great homesickness.
That is the supreme value of history. The study of it is the best guarantee against repeating it.
Our wisdom comes usually from our experience, and our experience comes largely from our experience.
One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first ti...
To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to...
Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of...
Some families can trace their ancestors back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their chi...
A recent survey was said to prove that the people we Americans most admire are our politicians and d...
If a man defrauds you one time, he is a rascal; if he does it twice, you are a fool.
Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Courage is always greatest when blended with meekness; intellectual ability is most admired when it ...
Freedom also includes the right to mismanage your own affairs.
Let your friends be the friends of your deliberate choice.
The man who has strong opinions and always says what he thinks is courageous - and friendless.
Friendship is love with understanding.
So few people think. When we find one who really does, we call him a genius
Your life can't go according to plan if you have no plan.
Practicing the Golden Rule is not a sacrifice; it is an investment.
Conversation is an exercise of the mind; gossip is merely an exercise of the tongue.
An expert gossiper knows how much to leave out of a conversation
To live so that you would not be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip, is to have li...
Gossip is sometimes referred to as halitosis of the mind
If you would attain greatness, think no little thoughts.
We are born brave, trusting and greedy, and most of us remain greedy.
People are changed, not by coercion or intimidation, but by example.
Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good...
The guilty catch themselves.
Good habits are formed; bad habits we fall into.
If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Hatred is a boomerang which is sure to hit you harder than the one at whom you throw it.
Hate pollutes the mind.
If we miraculously became the people we hate, how lovable we would find ourselves.
To feel "fit as a fiddle" you must tone down your middle.
Our health always seems much more valuable after we lose it.
A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, "And whom did you consult before coming t...
"Oh," replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, "he told me to come and see you."
It is impossible to make wisdom hereditary.
Honesty is a question of right or wrong, not a matter of policy.
It is a pleasure to give advice, humiliating to need it, normal to ignore it.
It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the t...
Imagination was given man to compensate for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for ...
Humor - the perfect relationship of the parts to the whole.
Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.
"What made the deepest impression upon you?" inquired a friend one day of Lincoln, "when you stood i...
It isn't easy for an idea to squeeze itself into a head filled with prejudice.
Too many people run out of ideas long before they run out of words.
Imagination is the pontoon bridge making way for the timid feet of reason.
Practical observation commonly consists of collecting a few facts and loading them with guesses.
Friendship is a living thing that lasts only as long as it is nourished with kindness, empathy and u...
Having supplied them with names, omnipotence, justice, knowledge, Providence, - what are they?
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Something is radiating deep within me and it must be transmitted or I will imp...
DAVE EGGERS THE BOUNTY
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DAVE EGGERS First of all, I know it’s all people like you. And that’s what’s so scary. Individua...
DAVE EGGERS I'd rather people just borrow the idea and do their own thing in their own community, ... Whenever p...
DAVE EGGERS [After this interview Eggers is off to a meeting in midtown Manhattan. Then come more appointments a...
DAVE EGGERS The house is a factory.
DAVE EGGERS Through the small tall bathroom window the December yard is gray and scratchy, the tree calligraphic...
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DAVE EGGERS That is when the commitment to change would be put to the test: when the cameras are gone and the re...
DAVE EGGERS it seemed, had some purpose, even if that purpose was just to ask for something.
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DAVE EGGERS I publish my own books, so there isn't a certain editor I owe the book to at a publishing house.
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DAVE EGGERS I have no idea how people function without near-constant internal chaos. I'd lose my mind.
DAVE EGGERS Still though, I think if you're not self-obsessed, you're probably boring.
DAVE EGGERS All we really want is for no one to have a boring life, to be impressive, so we can be impressed. ~ ...
DAVE EGGERS Why do you want to be on The Real World?
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DAVE EGGERS We thought we were young and that there would be time to love well sometime in the future. This is a...
DAVE EGGERS This morning there s first a predictable story about Darfur; an expert on African affairs notes that...
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DAVE EGGERS It was always difficult to get cattle returned once a marriage was dissolved.
DAVE EGGERS But without William K, I would have forgotten that I had not been born on this journey. That I had l...
DAVE EGGERS The issue is complex, but like many matters in Sudan, it is not as complex as Khartoum would want th...
DAVE EGGERS I often cannot believe the things I do.
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DAVE EGGERS I have had friends who I decided were not good friends, were people who brought more trouble than ha...
DAVE EGGERS In hospitals I feel palpable comfort. I feel the competence, the expertise, so much education and mo...
DAVE EGGERS Hello Frances, I have just been to health class, and I was wondering how your feminine parts were de...
DAVE EGGERS Nothing again. No one is listening. No one is waiting to hear the kicking of a man above. It is unex...
DAVE EGGERS I will tell these stories...because to do anything else would be something less than human. I speak ...
DAVE EGGERS I lost someone very close to me and afterward I believed I could have saved him had I been a better ...
DAVE EGGERS I had forgotten that, and so many things. How could I put everything down on paper? It seemed imposs...
DAVE EGGERS My plans are a jumble for now, but I do know certain things that I will and will not do. [...] I wil...
DAVE EGGERS I had the sensation that I might always be running like this, that I would always have to run, and t...
DAVE EGGERS If I ever fall in love again, I will not wait to love as best as I can. We thought we were young and...
DAVE EGGERS This boy thinks I am not of his species, that I am some other kind of creature, one that can be crus...
DAVE EGGERS I cannot count the times I have cursed our lack of urgency. If I ever love again, I will not wait to...
DAVE EGGERS Every part of my body felt electric. My chest ached and my head throbbed with the great terrible lim...
DAVE EGGERS Whatever I do, however I find a way to live, I will tell these stories. I have spoken to every perso...
DAVE EGGERS Humans are divided between those who can still look through the eyes of youth and those who cannot.
DAVE EGGERS But everyone disappears, no matter who loves them.
DAVE EGGERS I can remember exactly where I sat when my teacher first read Roald Dahl's 'James and the Gi...
DAVE EGGERS He was warm, partly because he had on many layers, and partly because boys whoa re part wolf and par...
DAVE EGGERS There are many Saudi women doctors, and there are many wealthy and powerful and well-educated Saudi ...
DAVE EGGERS Because I grew up with this naive expectation of people doing right, I get shocked by every little v...
DAVE EGGERS You have what I can afford to give. You are a panhandler, begging for anything, and I am the man wal...
DAVE EGGERS Having lost people when they were young, you feel intimately acquainted with mortality, I guess. Tho...
DAVE EGGERS I've never had WiFi at home. I'm too easily distracted, and YouTube is too tempting.
DAVE EGGERS I really believe strongly that kids should be spared the runoff of their parents' lives and prob...
DAVE EGGERS So many of the things I invented I honestly did for fun, out of some perverse game of whether or not...
DAVE EGGERS I am myself a failed cartoonist, There are a million reasons to ruin things.
DAVE EGGERS Three-dimensional results are important to me. I did once spend some time just writing, and floating...
DAVE EGGERS You treat a kid with respect and as an adult you talk to them as if they're smart people. But yo...
DAVE EGGERS High school teachers who want to get reluctant readers turned around need to give the students some ...
DAVE EGGERS Existing, period – that is what drives men to irrational acts.
DAVE EGGERS I am myself a failed cartoonist,
DAVE EGGERS –Don’t you think the vast majority of the chaos in the world is caused by a relatively small gro...
DAVE EGGERS You will die, and when you die, you will know a profound lack of it [dignity]. It's never dignified,...
DAVE EGGERS I like the dark part of the night, after midnight and before four-thirty, when it's hollow, when cei...
DAVE EGGERS I wondered quickly if I'd give my life so that a dragon could live. If someone offered me that deal,...
DAVE EGGERS The idea we came up with, well before we left, was something we coined Performance Literature. Excus...
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DAVE EGGERS But criticism, for the most part, comes from the opposite place that book-enjoying should come from....
DAVE EGGERS I think almost every writer in the world would hope that books would be always talked about with res...
DAVE EGGERS Every time I get through the work on a book of nonfiction, I say I'll never do it again; it take...
DAVE EGGERS I grew up north of Chicago, not far from where the Schwinn bicycle plant used to be, and was conscio...
DAVE EGGERS I went to Saudi Arabia in 2010, and spent most of my time in Jeddah and the King Abdullah Economic C...
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DAVE EGGERS Some of these kids just don't plain know how good they are: how smart and how much they have to ...
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DAVE EGGERS One might think that a boy who was out in the snow for so long would get cold, but Max was not. He w...
DAVE EGGERS The country he had left thirty years ago had been a realistic place. There were political realities ...
DAVE EGGERS How do you know this?
Because I'm always watching people. When I watch people I too look...
DAVE EGGERS SECRETS ARE LIES
SHARING IS CARING
PRIVACY IS THEFT
DAVE EGGERS If somebody here isn't tolerant and accepting, we haven't met them yet.
DAVID EGGERS When we moved out of Manhattan - where nobody speaks to anyone else even though they all live close ...
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DAVE MATTHEWS Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But...
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DAVE WINFIELD Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY Instead of sailing off into the sunset, he hopes to sail into the next century.
DAVE ANDERSON For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
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DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY I never excelled at one sport or had a very strong passion for anything other than wrestling and bod...
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DAVE GAHAN The important thing to remember is that bugs don't actually talk.
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DAVE DAVIES Jazz isn't dead yet. It's the underpinning of everything in this country. Whether it's a...
DAVE BRUBECK That's country music for you - bourbon and the Bible.
DAVE HAYWOOD The Left likes to think of itself as the bulwark of progressive liberal individualism, and yet it se...
DAVE BRAT Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY A standard sitcom... is a very standard idea, like these people falling in love and living with each...
DAVE FINKEL Standing out as a writer today requires more than a bright idea and limpid prose. Authors need to be...
DAVE MORRIS Empire Square production finishes in about a month's time, so at the moment, right now, I'm ...
DAVE ROWNTREE It is criminal to put our servicemen and women in harm's way and to put the lives of so many civ...
DAVE MATTHEWS We don't have enough people going into those fields and there is a high burnout rate in some hea...
DAVE OBEY Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
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DAVE BARRY I go to see some big shows of other bands, and I feel like I'm so bombarded and over-stimulated ...
DAVE GAHAN I'm tired of high policy talks. I want to focus on nuts and bolts.
DAVE FREUDENTHAL The thing that will never go away is that connection you make with a band or a song where you're...
DAVE GROHL I played a homosexual bodyguard in 'The Last Detective,' and that was quite a pleasure to do...
DAVE LEGENO It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY The baby boomer surge is forcing society to face decisions about costs - and particularly what is va...
DAVE DEBRONKART Granted, a long book can be as daunting as a hard one. I nearly reached for 'Game of Thrones'...
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DAVE GAHAN If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY The waves of love roll throughout the Universe, and overflow in our hearts..
Everything is ONE!
DAVE ZEBIAN I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY I'm so alive.
As I stand facing the beauty of the never-ending Pacific Ocean, a late afte...
DAVE PELZER 'Breaking Bad' and 'The Shield' were planned right from the start so that their narr...
DAVE MORRIS I found there's a fairly blatant racism in America that's already there, and I don't thi...
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DAVE SITEK We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.
DAVE FARBER We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY There just isn’t enough cock in this world to be caught suckin’ and be called anything but a slu...
DAVE MATTHES ...you're either gonna spend your life fucking pussy, or taking it to church.
DAVE MATTHES I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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DAVE BARRY It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
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DAVE BARRY It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
DAVE BARRY Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY Wake up naked drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing...
DAVE MATTHEWS Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY