FastSaying

That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.


Lewis Black

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ELLEN WRIGHT ...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says...
TINA FEY What use is revelation or religion if it doesnt change anything?
ABU BAKAR BASHIR If the placebo effect was a week or two, I would understand that and say, 'Yes, youre right.' You kn...
BOB GREEN It doesn't matter what i think, how i feel, or where i see going. It only matter how you seem to tak...
IJIRASHIIJACK Expectations are a good thing to have!!! But when someone doesnt live up to yours it shouldnt be wha...
HEATHER MONTANO If it's about what I like, I like opera as a music and deathstep and dubstep.
DEYTH BANGER When you write about faith, people will be upset with you no matter what. I've heard from reader...
RAE CARSON I'm a normal person. You say something about me, I'm going to say something back, funny or n...
AUSTIN SEFERIAN-JENKINS The thing about me is, I don't care what religion you are. If someone is attacking your religion...
KIRSTIE ALLEY At the very least, people are re-discovering some great stories, listening with modern minds, and di...
JOSH BERNSTEIN Do you think I’ll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of ...
STEPHENIE MEYER It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going...
JULIA ROBERTS I want Jesus to come back and say 'THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT'" -
MARGARET CHO That's the funny thing – no one really knows who's going to enforce this. No one's said here's wha...
DAVE NELSON That's the funny thing – no one really knows who's going to enforce this. No one's said here's what...
DAVE NELSON it doesnt matter how slow you go, as long as you dont stop
ELIN I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts ...
KATE BECKINSALE I have good idea, for if you meet some person from different religion and he want to make argument a...
ELIZABETH GILBERT I have to accept the fact that, no matter what I do, it's going to annoy someone.
NATHAN LANE People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do a...
CHRISTOPHER GUEST It doesn't matter what people say about me, I weather the storm.
TERRELL OWENS Personally, when things upset me, I get quiet and closed off. I have nothing to say, and a chill set...
FREDDIE PRINZE, JR. if you love someone,you did not think if it was right...all you know was you love the person so much...
VERONICA LAPPAY I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not ...
ISSA RAE I try not to read the blogs or what people say about me. Because that's what brings everybody do...
VANESSA HUDGENS Fashion is a funny thing to talk about. I think what you wear is definitely an extension of you, but...
TESSA THOMPSON Dont force noone to see your worth, it doesnt matter how much you love them, love yourself first, ev...
JHERRERA It doesnt matter how good you are,if you re a champion,good will never be enough!
RAJA It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't li...
JULIA ROBERTS Its a funny thing, I noticed that when people are joking theyre usually dead serious, and when theyr...
JIM MORRISON Thats what a ship is, you know. Its not a keel and a hull and a deck and sails. Thats what a ship ne...
JOHNNY DEPP It was never about the money. To me, I've won what I wanted to win. Now it's actually proved that sh...
RUTH IRENE GARRETT They say if you wanted to talk to someone, you would of.. no matter what. But if that someone wanted...
CADIR LAMPE I just wanted someone to say 'you know, that looks like a fun place to be' because that's what I thi...
TONY BLAKE If it doesnt help, I damned sure dont know what will.
JACK MOORE I don't really talk about my personal life. It's a strange and funny and weird thing. Someti...
TRACEE ELLIS ROSS I'm going to go to school. It doesn't matter what the outcome is as long as I did it. I can say I di...
TATYANA ALI Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a f...
P. J. O'ROURKE You're not going to say anything about me that I'm not going to say about myself. There'...
EMINEM I looked into a black hole today...I said ' Yes!! thats where I belong', the black hole said ' you b...
AMANDA THORP The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what ot...
PAUL MERTON Religion declined abruptly in England and the Netherlands. It is stagnant in West Germany, and it is...
ANDREW GREELEY I will always remenber the old days,doesnt matter how brilliant the future is, i will always remenbe...
RAJA My parents would always say, 'It doesnt' matter if it's a guy picking up the garbage or ...
DAN MARINO I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he&...
NORM MACDONALD No matter what you think, no matter what you say, I will love you always.
JAYSON ENGAY The truth of the matter is, I am a black woman, and I am an actor. I don't try to get caught up ...
CONDOLA RASHAD I know what she is upset about. You go out there.
JULIE TOVEY I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anythin...
DON RICKLES With the Black Lives Matter movement, a lot of the focus is on the protest and dissent. I'm hopi...
AVA DUVERNAY The great thing about us is it doesn't matter who you expect to step up. There's always someone else...
DALE REED You can say whatever you want about me, I'm not really bothered. But when it starts to upset peo...
ZAYN MALIK It's funny, because when I came here, something made me think about what it was going to feel like g...
BOBBY HOLIK I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I&#...
AMY SCHUMER The one thing I can assure you is that I'm not going to do a Prescott.
DAVID TRIMBLE I always say, no matter what happens to me as a black man in country music, I can handle it if Charl...
DARIUS RUCKER I always tell students that writing a poem and publishing it are two quite separate things, and you ...
WENDY COPE Your past doesnt have to determine who you are today. Sexual abuse nad rape can only break you if yo...
JANIKA EMBERSON I spent seven months in Africa and came back saying there isn't anything you can say about black peo...
LARRY RIVERS I think your tendency when you play yourself is to accentuate something about you that you think is ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I'm going to go to school. It doesn't matter what the outcome is as long as I did it. I can ...
TATYANA ALI Nothing's going to change if you're just thinking about it. No matter how much you worry about someo...
INIO ASANO Never say i m bored because its not your life thats boring its all you that make it boring!
SUPERNA BATHEJA Laughter heals all wounds, and that's one thing that everybody shares. No matter what you're...
KEVIN HART The way black women say "girl" can be magical. Frankly, I have no solid beliefs about the survival o...
ABIGAIL PADGETT It's a pretty common thing with an orchestra. When I was living in the Village and going to see the ...
JACK MANNO I'm living my life the way I want it...living it with NO regrets. I'm not sorry for anything I've do...
MATTIE JONES She could be white, black, Asian. It's very nondescript and that's the great thing about the show. I...
EVA LONGORIA Here's the funny thing about the world coming to an end. Once it gets going, it doesn't seem to stop...
SUSAN BETH PFEFFER Black or white.. Doesn't matter, what matter most is what you have to offer to the world.
OLASOT "Fashion is about good energy. Its about feelings. Thats what I have to give the people, good energy...
ADRIANA LIMA My plays are talky; I say shut up and listen. They are about black men talking, and in American soci...
AUGUST WILSON I, um, I have this problem. I broke up with my boyfriend, you see. And I'm pretty upset about it, so...
JODI PICOULT You are going to make mistakes and you hope that they are not big ones. I'm going to come out fighti...
JAKE PLUMMER You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you and you'll never treat yourself right darling ...
NIALL HORAN No matter what you do, no matter what you say, someone out there will proclaim how outraged they are...
OLIVER MARKUS MALLOY I always SAY and DO the RIGHT thing regardless of what others think and say about what I say and do.
LORRIN L. LEE I enjoy playing someone who doesn't show up and say, 'This is what I am, and this is what I&...
DALLAS ROBERTS I wanted to be Amish when I was a kid. You just wear black and white - what could be better? One les...
ANDERSON COOPER I would say to people of a libertarian conservative position on an issue, do not do a taped intervie...
PETER SCHIFF How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's ...
LES DAWSON I know myself and Ray Lewis have similar builds. People say what they want to, but (Savage) was one ...
D'QWELL JACKSON "We all have a call in life... Mine is to be me. No matter how hard, no matter how inconvenient. No ...
NILSA FACCHI-BOLLIER Chemistry's a funny thing. It can be instantaneous, but it helps when you know someone.
DAVID WALTON suffer. you could say it means endure, but thats not exactly right
E. LOCKHART no matter if you try to be funny, there will always be someone to kick you down. so not fair
MIKE GRIST D.B. asked me what I thought about all this stuff I just finished telling you about. I didn't know w...
J.D. SALINGER It doesn't matter, it shouldn't matter. It's just about what you're going to do. Obviously you look ...
NILS EKMAN I was in the Black Power movement. I feel as energized about Black Lives Matter. I don't feel in...
SHEILA JACKSON LEE When people ask me about being portrayed onscreen by Leonardo DiCaprio, I always say, 'I love it...
FRANK ABAGNALE One thing I cannot understand - and people are probably going to be upset about this - is why local ...
LAWRENCE M. KRAUSS What I always say is that we're the illegitimate children of Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lewis.
KEVIN MCDONALD I wouldn't say it was nasty; it was intense. We lost a game we had to win. Guys are going to be upse...
JOHN NEAL When you send someone a card, you're saying... I care about you and that you matter to me.
LORRIN L. LEE today is over. thats what it seems but is alright i will see you in my dreams
CHRIS MACHADO I have to say, if someone literally said to me, 'You're going off to a desert island, what i...
DREW BARRYMORE Someone will always hate what I say. There's always going to be somebody spitting blood about my...
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH When you grow up, you gain experience and realise what youre capable of.
FRANCESCO TOTTI The funny thing about money is that you can't take it with you, so don’t try to.
AARON LAURITSEN

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LEWIS BLACK These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever ...
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DIANE BLACK We're here tonight to remember one of the heroes of the Scottish culture, ... Cmdr. Montgomery Scott...
ALAN BLACK We rebounded really well and rebounding is the key if you are going to run,
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ALAN BLACK Just because Scotty never got the girl, it did not mean he couldn't get a girlfriend, ... He was jus...
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ALAN BLACK He was a little down afterwards,
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ALAN BLACK To me I'm just a regular person going to the mall with friends, and now I'm in Forever 21 an...
REBECCA BLACK Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.
HOLLY BLACK The real enemy" is the totality of physical and mental constraints by which capital, or class societ...
BOB BLACK You are what you do. If you do boring, stupid monotonous work, chances are you'll end up boring, stu...
BOB BLACK The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when th...
BLACK ELK If you're going to exude naivete, you can't really... walk out there like it's a Sting s...
FRANK BLACK And when I breathed, my breath was lightning.
BLACK ELK I read French much better than I speak.
CARA BLACK One of my assets is my fitness. My fitness around the net and my movement: that's my defense to ...
CARA BLACK Sport's always a good thing - it's healthy, and it takes your mind off other things.
CARA BLACK I need you to be happy. I need one of us to be happy.
HOLLY BLACK I can learn to live with guilt. I don't care about being good.
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HOLLY BLACK They wore their strange beauty like war paint.
HOLLY BLACK If curiosity killed the cat, it was satisfaction that brought it back.
HOLLY BLACK So you'll teach me?" Val asked.

Ravus nodded agin. "I will make you as terrible as you de...
HOLLY BLACK I got bored," he says. "Besides, you know what's creepier than walking around your dead brothers' ap...
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HOLLY BLACK It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first conditio...
HUGO BLACK Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.
DIANA BLACK Crippled things are always more beautiful. It's the flaw that brings out beauty.
HOLLY BLACK Baby," she says in a harsh whisper, "in this world, lots of people will try to grind you down. They ...
HOLLY BLACK I once rode a motorcycle across Tunisia, Algeria and Morocco!
CARA BLACK I loved everything about show business, meeting the stars, the whole ambience. I was living every yo...
CILLA BLACK There's never really been a time when vampires weren't so over that you would be crazy to wr...
HOLLY BLACK Any time anyone fires bullets in an action movie that don't hit the target it immediately underm...
SHANE BLACK An action film can have too much action; picture an equaliser on a stereo, with all the knobs pegged...
SHANE BLACK I've had a blessed life. I've pulled back from trying to control my destiny and gone back to...
CILLA BLACK I never ask for mercy and seek no one's sympathy.
CONRAD BLACK When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his ad...
HUGO BLACK The soldiers did go away and their towns were torn down; and in the Moon of Falling Leaves (November...
BLACK ELK And I say the sacred hoop of my people was one of the many hoops that made one circle, wide as dayli...
BLACK ELK It's hard to watch your life unfold, and sad. Life changes.
CILLA BLACK Our Constitution was not written in the sands to be washed away by each wave of new judges blown in ...
HUGO BLACK Illiteracy is rampant. People are out of communication.
KAREN BLACK 'Friday' is about hanging out with friends, having fun. I felt like it was my personality in...
REBECCA BLACK Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking.
BLACK ELK I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
JACK BLACK You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.
JACK BLACK She looks honestly upset, but then, I’ve learned that I can’t read her. The problem with a reall...
HOLLY BLACK Misogynist is a word used by women about men who are able to describe women directly and accurately ...
ROBERT BLACK People said that video games were bad because they made you numb to death, made you register entrail...
HOLLY BLACK I once thought that I was the only man that persevered to be the friend of the white man, but since ...
BLACK KETTLE I promise I will repay you.”
“Oh yeah?” she asked, looking at him, with his bare feet an...
HOLLY BLACK We sent Lifeline of Ohio a photograph of Bill a few years ago. But we had never been able to see the...
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BILL BLACK If you had a one person, one vote situation and if a Metro candidate was to win, there's a real risk...
BILL BLACK From a pure economic standpoint, I understand that this is a worldwide economic matter, but that sho...
BILL BLACK From a pure economic standpoint, I understand that this is a worldwide economic matter, but that sho...
BILL BLACK A special session may be premature, ... Do we have enough votes to do some of this? Is the governor ...
BILL BLACK They need to perform at a higher level than their competitors. They need to solidify and diversify t...
BILL BLACK Five years ago, he would have sold in a minute. Now selling is just one option.
BILL BLACK Back when I was helping put the swing into the swinging '60s, I used to hang out with Cathy McGo...
CILLA BLACK It's likely these new-to-wireless people might be lower income, and pre-paid might actually be perfe...
ANDREW BLACK There's an awful lot of people that still haven't gotten into the category and we ask ourselves the ...
ANDREW BLACK There was a lot of really useful stuff here. I'm planning on coming back next year.
ANDREW BLACK It appears that due to the sound and the noise, (the co-pilot) was unable to understand what the pas...
ANDREW BLACK We've ruled out foul play on behalf of any of the passengers. We're looking at it strictly as a poss...
ANDREW BLACK It's been slightly busier, and it was busy yesterday but nothing exceptional.
ANDREW BLACK We got it." Val grinned and lifted her fist. "Wonder twin powers activate!"
Ruth grinned back,...
HOLLY BLACK I would remain nearer you for what time there is."

"Gone in one faerie sigh," she quoted....
HOLLY BLACK No," said Luis, "You can't date the Lord of the Night Court."
"Well, I'm not, he dumped me." HOLLY BLACK Curiosity could be almost as powerful as desire.
SHAYLA BLACK I want you to give all these chiefs of the soldiers here to understand that we are for peace, and th...
BLACK KETTLE We all wind up drawn to what we're afraid of, drawn to try to find a way to make ourselves safe from...
HOLLY BLACK They told me I had been sick twelve days, lying like dead all the while, and that Whirlwind Chaser, ...
BLACK ELK You're yourself," Tana said, grinning. "More purely yourself than anyone I know. And if you can't se...
HOLLY BLACK No matter what we're trying to accomplish in life, or what career path we're trying to take,...
LUCAS BLACK Because they could not determine when they were going to be clear to land, it made no sense to conti...
ANTHONY BLACK