That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.

Mephistopheles: Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it.
Think'st thou that I, who saw the face of God
And tasted the eternal joys of heaven,
Am not tormented with ten thousand hells
In being deprived of everlasting bliss?

Trust me, the being-dead part is much easier than the dying part. If you can watch much television, then being dead will be a cinch. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

What will happen if you can't say that this wasn't a film?

Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar.