The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.

Waiters are seldom socialists.

When is the last time you were a tourist?” she asked archly.

He just looked at her. Charles, she had to agree, was not tourist material.

“Right,” Anna told him. “Buck up. You might even enjoy it.”

“You might as well have ‘hapless victim’ tattooed across your forehead,” he muttered.

It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential

I have little patience with anyone who is not self-satisfied. I am always pleased to see my friends, happy to be with my wife and family, but the high spot of every day is when I first catch a glimpse of myself in the shaving mirror.

Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.