The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.
Mark Twain
Related You often love someone not for what they are, but for what you are when you are with them. JEFFREY FRY Cops aren't really your friends, they are trying to be your friends but they are not.... DEYTH BANGER i dont like when people say you know when they are in the middle of telling you something to me it g... DALLY SALAD It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper. ERROL FLYNN If someone tells you that your not beautiful, well that just means that they are stupid and they don... CECE JACKSON Bums are the well-to-do of this day. They didn't have as far to fall. JACKSON POLLOCK When you will not fly into a passion people know you are stronger than they are, because you are str... FRANCES HODGSON BURNETT We still only had 10 turnovers for the game. They were magnified as far as when they happened a litt... FLIP SAUNDERS They say monsters do exist; they say they are evil and destroy your soul.That they destroy hopes, an... MARK IBRAHIM I'm trying to adapt - they say you have to adapt to vertigo. JASON DAY When people tell you they saw your last picture - well, the way they say it sounds like they hope it... BRODERICK CRAWFORD Bums are the well-to-do of this day. They didn't have as far to fall. JACKSON POLLOCK Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far... MARY KAY ASH Reasons... questions... what they have in common? - All get finded in the hard way. DEYTH BANGER Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as... MARY KAY ASH when you go to a company in Germany you are going to tell them it is for the centrifuge program, whi... DAVID ALBRIGHT When people don't tell you the truth what they really are saying is they don't value you or their re... SHANNON L. ALDER If your leg slips, you will fall down but if your tongue slips,it leads to your down fall... PRABHA Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther. J. P. MORGAN Go as far as you can see; when you get there you'll be able to see farther. THOMAS CARLYLE But as they say about sharks, it's not the ones you see that you have to worry about, it's t... DAVID BLAINE For the first time I felt like they used to feel when they played with me - Mark hits it so hard and... JACK NICKLAUS If you go and talk to most people, they mean well but they don't have much of a breadth on educa... BEN CARSON People see what they want to see. People say what they like to say. People hear what they always try... SALMAN AZIZ I hate to say it, but there seems to have been some sort of dumbing down as far as movies go. SAM NEILL You know what they say? They say, 'The print media is dying' - who says that? Well, the medi... PATRICK CHAPPATTE You take people as far as they will go, not as far as you would like them to go JEANNETTE RANKIN When you try to talk about yourself, you dont know who you are, or what your like, or what your like... CAROL CHANNING They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it'... EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good eno... ANON. Actions speak louder than words. There is a big difference between what people say and what they do.... ALEXANDER OSTERWALDER They say I'm a revolutionary, but they're all wrong. RALPH BAKSHI They say miracles are past. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I cannot remember the books I've read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made ... RALPH WALDO EMERSON We have enough experience as far as our performances are concerned that we know what we have to do. ... CRAIG BUNTIN People dont see you for what you think, they see you for what you say SIMPLETON Things happen to you they happen. They dont ask first. They dont require your permission. CORMAC MCCARTHY "Always love people for who they are, not for whom you like them to be." ~ Tom Baker TOM BAKER AKA THE PONDERING MAN When you find that you are on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect." Mark Twain STEVE J. LEATHERWOOD As far as expectations go, you can never work for expectations. You have to work against them. KAJOL I know what the national crime stats are, they say violence is gong down. But tell that to the lates... ANNEMARIE MATULIS The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. ARTHUR MURPHY you know what the best kind of organic certification would be? make an unannounced visit to a farm a... MICHAEL POLLAN A BMW can't take you as far as a diploma. JOYCE MEYER Reach for it. Push yourself as far as you can. CHRISTA MCAULIFFE There are still some wonderful people left in this world! They are diamonds in the rough, but they'r... C. JOYBELL C. Customers are still setting the technology agenda. Not just you, our customers, but your customers a... CARLY FIORINA Only when you learn to let go the past, you begin healing. So, learn to let go of things and accept ... BHAWANA JAIN Don't tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I'll tell you what t... JAMES W. FRICK They were able to hang around because they are a well-coached team. I told our kids before the game ... ED TUROSKY YOU ARE TOLD TO LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF, BUT I SAY LOVE THEM MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF FOR... STEPHEN .R. ANYAEGBU Once you don't smile on film, they say, 'Let's have that bloke who doesn't smile.... RICHARD C. ARMITAGE They say any landing you can walk away from is a good one. ALAN SHEPARD ...it is as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shooting at you. WOODROW WILSON If the IRS suspects fraud, they can go back as far as they want. But for 99 percent of the taxpayers... DAN MCELROY But don't just call your lender out of the blue. See what others are offering and then go to your ow... ANTHONY HSIEH Please try to remember that what they believe, as well as what they do and cause you to endure does ... JAMES BALDWIN When you are young, your grandparents try to tell you their history, and you don't care because it d... LILLIAN TRUJILLO You know that you love someone when they are on your mind from the time you awake until the time you... OSCAR AULIQ-ICE As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are cer... ALBERT EINSTEIN As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are cer... ALBERT EINSTEIN As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are cer... ALBERT EINSTEIN As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are ce... MAX WILHELM DEHN Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost alway... NEIL GAIMAN Sometimes, this disapproval of how you are managing your pain crosses over to disbelief that you are... MURRAY J. MCALISTER You never know what your parents are going to say when you tell them you're getting married - es... CHAD KROEGER It is just as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shouting at you. WOODROW WILSON Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen e... CATHERINE M. WALLACE When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the ... UNKNOWN Books understand me, but humans don't understand me. They are bad friends books are forever as well ... DEYTH BANGER My eyes were closed, they're open now DAMIEN RICE He say, Celie, tell me the truth. You don't like me cause I'm a man? I blow my nose. take off t... ALICE WALKER American audiences are great. They get what I am doing, but as my band will tell you, nowhere tops t... IMELDA MAY As far as I can tell, they never get up before noon unless there's some sort of national emergency, ... SUZANNE COLLINS They know what they want, but aren't sure how to find it. JAMES C. DOBSON I couldn't do that as attorney general. Why? Because they are my clients. You can't say they... CHRISTINE GREGOIRE You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to t... P. J. O'ROURKE You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward. JAMES THURBER You may as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward JAMES THURBER Don't trust everyone, especially if they say, 'Trust me.' MICHELLE PHAN Players are people who feed upon the ego you build for them putting them on a pedestal that they are... MARLAN RICO LEE To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain ... THOMAS S. MONSON Let me tell you how the French seduce you. They are the most bloody seductive people on Earth. They ... ANITA RODDICK Your papers are marked when you go to school, but you can't mark the character. T. B. JOSHUA If two people are so unalike, as you and I, they are pleased when they discover points of agreement.... H.F. PETERS They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag ... JIMMY CARR They say that your second trimester is when you get most of your energy and it's the 'easies... MALIN AKERMAN Children are far more interesting to work with than grownups. They're incredibly honest. They... TIM SAMPLE And as you come to know Him, you're becoming like Him. The more you are like Him, the more different... CRAIG GROESCHEL Henry, this isn't about us. I mean it is, but they don't define you by the button you wear. They def... JAMIE FORD People will talk down on you to build themselves up,People will point the fingers at your past as if... TANICA S HALL If you drop your beliefs, you drop your success. God's mighty people begin to fall even as achievers... ISRAELMORE AYIVOR Think about what happens when you have your leg amputated and you get a prosthetic limb. They don't ... ROBERT SWEETOW I do not care what your beliefs are; whether they are religious, scientific, theological, taboo; it ... CASEY BRYANT When you write, you hear the characters speaking to you as you take dictation from what they say. An... ROBERT RANKIN When producers want to know what the public wants, they graph it as curves. When they want to tell t... MARSHALL MCLUHAN We have to be able to criticise what we love, to say what we have to say 'cause if your not tryi... ANI DIFRANCO When you get to September and the weather starts to cool down, there are fewer mosquitoes. You dont ... ALFRED DEMARIA You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to t... P.J. O'ROURKE You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to t... P. J. O'ROURKE
More Mark Twain
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. MARK TWAIN My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. MARK TWAIN Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. MARK TWAIN It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure tha... MARK TWAIN The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. MARK TWAIN India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India ... MARK TWAIN Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. MARK TWAIN I never let schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. MARK TWAIN Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. MARK TWAIN The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed rig... MARK TWAIN There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. MARK TWAIN In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. MARK TWAIN Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here firs... MARK TWAIN But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one... MARK TWAIN The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it. MARK TWAIN The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. MARK TWAIN Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of ti... MARK TWAIN It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. MARK TWAIN The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evil. MARK TWAIN Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. MARK TWAIN Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled. MARK TWAIN Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired. MARK TWAIN Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. MARK TWAIN There are lies, damned lies and statistics. MARK TWAIN Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. MARK TWAIN Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside... MARK TWAIN Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. MARK TWAIN The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. MARK TWAIN Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. MARK TWAIN I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. MARK TWAIN The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. MARK TWAIN All generalizations are false, including this one. MARK TWAIN 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. MARK TWAIN The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a ba... MARK TWAIN The secret of getting ahead is getting started. MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. MARK TWAIN Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. MARK TWAIN If I owned half of that dog, I would shoot my half. MARK TWAIN What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed ... MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. B... MARK TWAIN When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victorymu... MARK TWAIN The teacher reminded us that Romes liberties were not auctioned off in a day, but were bought slowly... MARK TWAIN By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfec... MARK TWAIN So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment. MARK TWAIN The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes... MARK TWAIN We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in itand stop there; lest w... MARK TWAIN The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large mattertis the diff... MARK TWAIN Say the report is exaggerated. MARK TWAIN A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will ... MARK TWAIN To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman. MARK TWAIN I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than ... MARK TWAIN A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; t... MARK TWAIN Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the st... MARK TWAIN Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred mi... MARK TWAIN Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to... MARK TWAIN We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead -- and not then ... MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. MARK TWAIN All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people... MARK TWAIN Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find... MARK TWAIN Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood... MARK TWAIN As to the adjective, when in doubt strike it out. MARK TWAIN I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshol... MARK TWAIN Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than... MARK TWAIN The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without burst... MARK TWAIN When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. MARK TWAIN All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. MARK TWAIN The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do wh... MARK TWAIN To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand ... MARK TWAIN Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. MARK TWAIN It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal... MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired MARK TWAIN It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help. MARK TWAIN Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. MARK TWAIN Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting... MARK TWAIN To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do. MARK TWAIN Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest. MARK TWAIN The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itse... MARK TWAIN Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would ... MARK TWAIN There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry. MARK TWAIN The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things tha... MARK TWAIN Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled MARK TWAIN Necessity is the mother of "taking chances" MARK TWAIN Distance lends enchantment to the view MARK TWAIN Be good and you will be lonesome. MARK TWAIN Chastity - you can carry it too far MARK TWAIN To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler--and less trouble. MARK TWAIN Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in it... MARK TWAIN Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. MARK TWAIN When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one. MARK TWAIN There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many... MARK TWAIN Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you. MARK TWAIN I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and lookin... MARK TWAIN Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would... MARK TWAIN Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relati... MARK TWAIN Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material... MARK TWAIN Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no... MARK TWAIN There is a great deal of human nature in people. MARK TWAIN If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance. MARK TWAIN There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. MARK TWAIN The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monot... MARK TWAIN Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. MARK TWAIN Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat... MARK TWAIN It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts th... MARK TWAIN Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement,... MARK TWAIN Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of t... MARK TWAIN Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it. MARK TWAIN Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind. MARK TWAIN We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him. MARK TWAIN O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover th... MARK TWAIN A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose. MARK TWAIN Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so,... MARK TWAIN There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to... MARK TWAIN I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treas... MARK TWAIN Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich... MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide i... MARK TWAIN Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us... MARK TWAIN Intellectual work is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. MARK TWAIN Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions. MARK TWAIN I do not like work even when someone else does it. MARK TWAIN Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not oblig... MARK TWAIN Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. MARK TWAIN Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time. MARK TWAIN No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies. MARK TWAIN We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether th... MARK TWAIN Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True ... MARK TWAIN When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend. MARK TWAIN Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know. MARK TWAIN Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. MARK TWAIN We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the hum... MARK TWAIN There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. MARK TWAIN I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he... MARK TWAIN There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were... MARK TWAIN People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases. MARK TWAIN My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water. MARK TWAIN A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table ... MARK TWAIN When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a te... MARK TWAIN In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities. MARK TWAIN Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can. MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evils. MARK TWAIN His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine. MARK TWAIN Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures... MARK TWAIN All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. ... MARK TWAIN Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Traini... MARK TWAIN We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only m... MARK TWAIN There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence. MARK TWAIN It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech... MARK TWAIN There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. MARK TWAIN War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has no... MARK TWAIN There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhe... MARK TWAIN To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his... MARK TWAIN One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. MARK TWAIN A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught. MARK TWAIN A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants. MARK TWAIN I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, b... MARK TWAIN The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all. MARK TWAIN A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversati... MARK TWAIN Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expe... MARK TWAIN Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million. MARK TWAIN It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. MARK TWAIN Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part cowar... MARK TWAIN Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro... MARK TWAIN Faith is believing what you know ain't so. MARK TWAIN It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so. MARK TWAIN Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. MARK TWAIN There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it ... MARK TWAIN I've never let my school interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in al... MARK TWAIN Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect). MARK TWAIN If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di... MARK TWAIN A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going... MARK TWAIN Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiment... MARK TWAIN Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the ca... MARK TWAIN If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the r... MARK TWAIN The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a... MARK TWAIN Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its... MARK TWAIN The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. MARK TWAIN Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the reall... MARK TWAIN If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. MARK TWAIN ′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read. MARK TWAIN Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. MARK TWAIN I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. MARK TWAIN The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read. MARK TWAIN Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Trut... MARK TWAIN Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. MARK TWAIN A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. MARK TWAIN All right, then, I'll go to hell. MARK TWAIN The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's. MARK TWAIN Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. MARK TWAIN If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian. MARK TWAIN To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it ... MARK TWAIN Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. MARK TWAIN Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. MARK TWAIN Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. MARK TWAIN I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. MARK TWAIN