The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

The difference between keeping things clean and keeping kids clean was that things just sat still and waited for the dirt to collect. We kids were carriers. We ran a pickup and delivery service.

You need a certain amount of nerve to be a writer.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day