The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big enough to keep his mouth shut...
ARCHIE BUNKER Keep your mouth shut and your ears open.
ENGLISH PROVERB The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.
GUNTER GRASS I've had to learn when not to tweet. Like, you learn how to keep your mouth shut? Learn to keep ...
DAN STEVENS The only sort of pride that may serve a man well on that rarest occasion is his hatred of being wron...
CRISS JAMI “If you fear embarrassment, learn to keep your mouth shut”
DR. SHAILESH THAKER Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
SHORT QUOTES Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN For a happy marriage the husband should be the head and the wife the heart.
VIKRANT PARSAI I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt
MARK TWAIN A marriage license should not be viewed as a license for a husband to forcibly rape his wife with im...
SOL WACHTLER Although most advice should be distrusted, particularly when it comes from myself . . . keep an open...
LISA KLEYPAS No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.
SAM RAYBURN It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to
open it and remove all doubt.
PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
MARK TWAIN Even a fish could stay out of trouble if it would just learn to keep its mouth shut.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU The hood-winked husband shows his anger, and the word jealous is flung in his face. Jealous husband ...
J. AUGUST STRINDBERG The hood-winked husband shows his anger, and the word jealous is flung in his face. Jealous husband ...
AUGUST STRINDBERG If you've to keep your mouth shut, then keep your mouth shut, no matter what you're feeling.
SARVESH JAIN His eye was already swollen shut, completely shut. It was already turning colors. Blood was pouring ...
DEMETRA BLEVINS It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and r...
RAMI BELSON The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN A speaker should approach his preparation not by what he wants to say, but by what he wants to learn...
TODD STOCKER I truly believe that people like myself, who are in a position of entertainers in the limelight, sho...
KID ROCK In a happy marriage it is the wife who provides the climate, the husband the landscape.
GERALD BRENAN When even one American - who has done nothing wrong - is forced by fear to shut his mind and close h...
HARRY S TRUMAN Speech and silence. We feel safer with a madman who talks than with one who cannot open his mouth.
E. M. CIORAN Speech and silence. We feel safer with a madman who talks than with one who cannot open his mouth.
EMILE M. CIORAN A fool tries to shut others' mouth instead of listens to his own heart.
TOBA BETA Whoever keeps his mouth shut when he realizes that he is wrong is wise and he who holds the mouth ev...
VIKRANT PARSAI And he goes through life, his mouth open, and his mind closed.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE And he goes through life, his mouth open, and his mind closed
OSCAR WILDE He who wants to make his friend his enemy should lend him some money.
VIKRANT PARSAI A fool tries to shut others' mouth
instead of listens to his own heart.
TOBA BETA Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.
ROBERT NEWTON PECK Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who can...
OGDEN NASH Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman wh...
OGDEN NASH Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who ...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW And I will never, ever respond to anybody - man, woman, vegetable, or mineral - who tells me to keep...
JANICE DICKINSON I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX He's going to have to stop putting his foot in his mouth and start talking about the things he wants...
DANIELLE VINSON He who has enough for his wants should desire nothing more.
UNKNOWN The reaction was totally unhelpful for a pragmatic response. Let's keep the doors open. No one shoul...
AFIF SAFIEH A man who wants the truth becomes a scientist; a man who wants to give free play to his subjectivity...
ROBERT MUSIL Sometimes you usually know the point where to keep your mouth shut.
CALVIN JOHNSON I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD Why does a virtuous man take delight in the landscapes? Because the din of the dusty world and the l...
KUO HIS Why does a virtuous man take delight in the landscapes? Because the din of the dusty world and the l...
KUO HIS An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful. But an open mind about the ultimate fou...
C.S. LEWIS (The teen) really wants to be with his dad. A happy ending.
LOUELLA RICHEY Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman ...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX Open your mouth and shut your eyes and see what Zeus will send you.
ARISTOPHANES A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
CYNTHIA HEIMEL If you keep your mouth shut, the flies won't get in
SPANISH PROVERB We are grateful for a happy marriage and a glorious future. Four years of a happy marriage! Happy An...
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA People who eat with their mouth open should be punched in the face.
KEVIN HART It is very, very, very difficult for an American actor who wants a film career to be open about his ...
IAN MCKELLEN A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.
HENRY FORD So much for being a good friend was knowing when to keep your mouth shut.
EMMA STRAUB They told me it was none of my concern and to keep my mouth shut.
BEN CARTER Can the believing husband in Heaven be happy with his unbelieving wife in Hell? Can the believing f...
JONATHAN EDWARDS Can the believing husband in Heaven be happy with his unbelieving wife in Hell? Can the believing fa...
JONATHAN EDWARDS When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut
SOURCE UNKNOWN He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand.
C.S. LEWIS It's a free country and I can keep my mouth shut whenever I want.
JAMES VAN DER BEEK I shut up and keep my ears and eyes open.
KIERAN CULKIN In Rio de Janeiro, every cop has to make a choice. He either turns dirty, keeps his mouth shut, or g...
JOSE PADILHA Man is a prisoner who has no right to open the door of his prison and run away ... A man should wait...
PLATO Mina’s mouth dropped open, and he bent his head as if to kiss her. She jammed her gun barrel under...
MELJEAN BROOK Through practice you'll learn to identify the wrong 'un which should be heaved back over his syrup. ...
JAMES HOUSTON Happy is the man whom the Muses love: sweet speech flows from his mouth.
HESIOD When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
R A DICKSON X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
ALBERT EINSTEIN The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX He would have been half-hanged, taken down alive, castrated, his genitals stuffed in his mouth, his ...
JOHN BROADBENT Though wickedness be sweet in his mouth, though he hide it under
his tongue;
Though he spare it, ...
BIBLE Though wickedness be sweet in his mouth, though he hide it under his tongue; / Though he spare it, a...
BIBLE Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are no...
NICCOLò MACHIAVELLI Our foreign dealings are an open book -- generally, a checkbook.
WILL ROGERS Anyone who wants to learn about psychiatry from the movies should have their head examined.
SAM GOLDWYN Dear God, help me to guard my tongue and learn to say
the right thing at the right time for the rig...
UNKNOWN If only he would keep his mouth shut, he'd be perfect. A piece of duct tape would do the trick. I ha...
CHRISTINA LAUREN As a radio talk show host I have learned a valuable lesson. Keep your mouth shut.
CARLOS GALINDO As a radio talk show host I have learned a valuable lesson. Keep your mouth shut.
CARLOS E. GALINDO I think I might kiss him. He's right here. And his lips are hanging open (mouth breather) and his ey...
RAINBOW ROWELL A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of th...
JAMES THURBER The thing that made Groucho special was the way he used his body parts. He also had a wicked tongue....
SIDNEY SHELDON Every morning the first thing I do is serve my husband a bowl full of praises. More then his stomach...
MEGHA KHARE Success = 1 part work + 1 part play + 1 part keep your mouth shut
ALBERT EINSTEIN His mouth started to speak, but his brain decided it hadn't got anything to say yet and shut it agai...
DOUGLAS ADAMS
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX