The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Whomever tries to drown their sorrows by drinking should know one thing: they know how to swim!

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.