Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the li...
JASPER CARROTT I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Soli...
JASPER CARROTT If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of d...
JASPER FFORDE Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.
JASPER FFORDE He was, after all, the ultimate rebel -- it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus.
JASPER FFORDE Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anythi...
JASPER FFORDE I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfactio...
JASPER CARROTT If I were to ask you who the first million-pound show winner was on British TV, you'd probably g...
JASPER CARROTT I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any art in South Carolina. There was a minor m...
JASPER JOHNS Class clowns become actors.
JASPER FFORDE There was very little art in my childhood. I was raised in South Carolina; I wasn't aware of any...
JASPER JOHNS She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderl...
JASPER FFORDE If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no g...
JASPER FFORDE I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acc...
JASPER FFORDE There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chas...
JASPER CARROTT Tangling with the Goliath Corporation generally left you in one of two places: inside a wooden box w...
JASPER FFORDE When the amalgam is delivered to your dentist in a special protective box, he has to take extreme ca...
JASPER CARROTT At first I had some idea that the absence of color made the work more physical. Early on I was very ...
JASPER JOHNS Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so fort...
JASPER FFORDE After leaving school, I got a job in a department store not dissimilar to Grace Bros in 'Are You...
JASPER CARROTT [To survive has required tenacity. Koreans are reported even to have murdered children and mixed the...
JASPER BECKER When you're six years old, the word 'poo' is the funniest word on God's earth, but t...
JASPER CARROTT My experience of life is that it's very fragmented; certain kinds of things happen, and in anoth...
JASPER JOHNS Intention involves such a small fragment of our consciousness and of our mind and of our life.
JASPER JOHNS My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That&#...
JASPER CARROTT Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isn"t what it used to be?
JASPER FFORDE Yes, and imagine a world where there were no hypothetical situations.
JASPER FFORDE Touring has been a major part of my career. I've done a lot of huge shows, including a 13-night ...
JASPER CARROTT I have no ideas about what the paintings imply about the world. I don't think that's a paint...
JASPER JOHNS Everyone is of course free to interpret the work in his own way. I think seeing a picture is one thi...
JASPER JOHNS The only logical thing I can think of is that I knew there were such things as artists, and I knew t...
JASPER JOHNS When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jok...
JASPER CARROTT На самом деле я подумывал написать самоучитель для фан...
JASPER FFORDE She was the sort of parent you would want to have living close by, but only on the grounds that she ...
JASPER FFORDE We have it on good authority that they might disguise it as a double entendre in a bedroom farce and...
JASPER FFORDE Well, that's it." I said after we had waited for another five minutes and found ourselves still in a...
JASPER FFORDE Sometimes living in the BookWorld is like living in Legoland.
JASPER FFORDE extraordinary; I could almost see the Cambrian Mountains
JASPER FFORDE You are the best, most loving, supportive family anyone could ever have," I said through my sobs. "I...
JASPER FFORDE Keep people reading books, Mum; it helps to reinforce and strengthen the indefinable moments that an...
JASPER FFORDE Thursday, you mean everything to me. Not just because you're cute, smart, funny and have a de...
JASPER FFORDE Strive for the Long Now
JASPER FFORDE If it takes us 10 years to get into the shit, it will take us 20 to get out.

And the jour...
JASPER FFORDE If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now.
JASPER FFORDE Without unscrambled eggs, there was no time travel, no more depredation of the Now, and we could loo...
JASPER FFORDE There are a lot of idiots in this country, and they deserve representation as much as the next man.
JASPER FFORDE Reading, I had learned, was as creative a process as writing, sometimes more so. When we read of the...
JASPER FFORDE Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captur...
JASPER FFORDE It's simple. If you go to see 'Saturday Night Fever' expecting it to be good, it's a corker. However...
JASPER FFORDE Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly pa...
JASPER FFORDE Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment--the modern equivalent of paying sixpence to wa...
JASPER FFORDE Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
JASPER FFORDE Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought...
JASPER FFORDE I decided that if my work contained what I could identify as a likeness to other work, I would remov...
JASPER JOHNS There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your d...
JASPER CARROTT Instead we were filling the newspaper with bland, harmless stories, and if there was anything sensit...
JASPER BECKER So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It'...
JASPER FFORDE I work very much on the principle that anything created by mankind has mischief and error hardwired ...
JASPER FFORDE Individual words, sounds, squiggles on paper with no meanings other than those with which our imagin...
JASPER FFORDE Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day y...
JASPER FFORDE I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute M...
JASPER CARROTT There is no point in expending good money on the pursuit of an engine that can power aircraft withou...
JASPER FFORDE I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newsp...
JASPER CARROTT If you even *need* a government, added Stig, "you are a life-form flawed beyond redemption.
JASPER FFORDE [from the television show,"Evade the Question Time"]

At the end of the first round, I wil...
JASPER FFORDE Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you wor...
JASPER FFORDE Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex i...
JASPER FFORDE Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.
JASPER FFORDE It's kind of like the old Barry Sanders Rule. The first person to him wouldn't take a shot at him. F...
ED JASPER Am i on some distant battle field you say? No, I am but in my own mind and dreams replaying the batt...
JASPER WILKERSON For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.
JASPER FFORDE I'll tell you what love is" I said, "It is blind devotion, unquestioning self humiliation, utter sub...
JASPER FFORDE Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles.
JASPER CARROTT Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.
JASPER FFORDE Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.
JASPER FFORDE I tend to like things that already exist.
JASPER JOHNS The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested inte...
JASPER CARROTT Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had t...
JASPER FFORDE After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the re...
JASPER FFORDE I'm not sure my books would translate into movies very easily. So rather than have someone do a ...
JASPER FFORDE I'm not of the opinion that the next logical step for a book is for it to be made into a film.
JASPER FFORDE Every book should have a romance.
JASPER FFORDE There is a contract between the reader and the writer. The readers give me their hard-earned cash, a...
JASPER FFORDE There is a certain degree of 'steampunkishness' that creeps into my books.
JASPER FFORDE When you're an author, you're always two people. Jasper the writer is different from Jasper ...
JASPER FFORDE I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody ass...
JASPER FFORDE When I was about 10 or 11, I realised that people made movies; until then, I had thought they just h...
JASPER FFORDE If you give children the freedom to do very little, quite a lot will do very little.
JASPER FFORDE The fun one can have writing books about books is limitless, to be honest.
JASPER FFORDE Agents and publishers only want one thing - good writing.
JASPER FFORDE It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good.
JASPER FFORDE I just write books, and I do it without any notion of what I should do or shouldn't do.
JASPER FFORDE I hope that in my books there's an undertone of politics, basic tenets of how we should live.
JASPER FFORDE Speak to any editor and ask them what they turned down, and they'll have long lists of books.
JASPER FFORDE I started writing because I wanted to write scripts, but I wasn't very good at it. Then I starte...
JASPER FFORDE Our notions of self-determination are, on the whole, something of a myth. We are governed almost exc...
JASPER FFORDE In the creative industries, there are few things more exciting than a zinger - a thought, idea, line...
JASPER FFORDE My mind wanders terribly. I'm not wholly annoyed by my daydreaming as it has been immense use to...
JASPER FFORDE People who read my books have an open mind when it comes to new, bizarre, interesting and exciting i...
JASPER FFORDE Perhaps fantasy offers imaginative escapism more than other genres.
JASPER FFORDE When you're playing every snap, the problem is you can't give 110 percent on every play.
ED JASPER I spent last year with [former Eagles defensive end Derrick] Burgess in Oakland, and he misses this ...
ED JASPER We need people. We got money. We don't have people.
ED JASPER [Gosh can one guy, I mean, only one, change a team so completely? Evidently he can. Yeah, I could qu...
ED JASPER That's one of the main reasons he deserves this (Pro Bowl). Teams are having to change their blockin...
ED JASPER Because it's easy to play defense like this. It's harder when the other team has 10 minutes more of ...
ED JASPER He's a backside runner. If he catches you running to the ball, he'll make you pay for it. Him making...
ED JASPER I bull-rushed the guy. He tackled me. The ref threw the flag, late. So I'm thinking he's calling hol...
ED JASPER It's a shame the way that game turned out because Tommy deserves more recognition than he's going to...
ED JASPER I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair ce...
JASPER FFORDE The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp...
JASPER FFORDE My real name is Bob Davis, but for some reason, I got the name Jasper while playing football at the ...
JASPER CARROTT I have a very varied taste in music. Everything from rap to classical to Latino to Rat Pack to jazz.
JASPER FFORDE …Negligible Senescence…
JASPER FFORDE Another one of your quippy japes?
JASPER FFORDE Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.
JASPER FFORDE As one gets older one sees many more paths that could be taken. Artists sense within their own work ...
JASPER JOHNS My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better.
ELLE JASPER Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.
JASPER FFORDE The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless...
JASPER FFORDE To do a drawing for a painting most often means doing something very sketchy and schematic and then ...
JASPER JOHNS Mine,” he whispered against my mouth. He kissed me again. “You are mine.”
In the ...
ELLE JASPER If Nelson keeps working at things and keeps believing in himself, he can go a long way.
JASPER WILLIAMS That's the only negative about this. These kids have been working hard all year for a win like this....
JASPER WILLIAMS This was a big win for us. We stepped up and played with a lot of energy tonight. We made some turno...
JASPER WILLIAMS The biggest thing is that we out rebounded them. We did a pretty good job on the boards. We pressure...
JASPER WILLIAMS I was just listening to my coach. He told me to quit thinking about my shot and just shoot it n let ...
JASPER WILLIAMS We didn't execute down the stretch. We didn't rebound during key possessions and that cost us the ga...
JASPER WILLIAMS This is definitely a step for Yahoo, and a step for the industry.
JASPER MALCOLMSON Industry-best prices will actually show up in Yahoo search results. We have created a search engine ...
JASPER MALCOLMSON I had a good year, but those guys had good years, too. It could have gone to any of us. I know it wa...
JASPER JOHNSON We're trying to do something that no other team at the school has done. We have a nice run going. We...
JASPER JOHNSON I have no reason to feel bitter or think about anything in the past. This is the best place I can be...
JASPER JOHNSON I felt comfortable around the guys. I felt it would be a good place for me. ... I respect Coach Rive...
JASPER JOHNSON The competition is better than I thought it'd be. And I'm glad of it. I just like to play, and when ...
JASPER JOHNSON Ideas either come or they don't come.
JASPER JOHNS There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly vola...
JASPER FFORDE We have a lot of good players returning from last year and our recruiting class is excellent. I will...
JASPER EDWARDS I really admire Rickey Bustle because he kept us up when everybody's head was down. He came in and s...
JASPER EDWARDS I wasn't there for spring drills last year, and they had me working out at wide receiver. During the...
JASPER EDWARDS At football practices the coaches and the players are really into it. The coaches are very hands-on ...
JASPER EDWARDS It's part of a pattern at the Post where they're gradually been getting rid of all the people who wr...
JASPER BECKER It's been successfully cheating its way with its nuclear program for something like 20 years, so I t...
JASPER BECKER [Details of that extravagance are drawn from Kim's former lackeys.] For all the immense privileges e...
JASPER BECKER To each our own Hamlet.
JASPER FFORDE There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!
JASPER FFORDE The best lies to tell," said Jane, "are the ones people want to believe.
JASPER FFORDE You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?'
'Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I w...
JASPER FFORDE The best plans are always the simplest.
JASPER FFORDE After all, color in itself has no color — it's simply a construction of the mind: a sensation, lik...
JASPER FFORDE But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mi...
JASPER FFORDE There is no problem on earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.
JASPER FFORDE Her areas of expertise are bar codes, book titles and maps - she has an original Parker Brothers map...
JASPER FFORDE 2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't.
JASPER FFORDE Unless the hole is MEANT to be square,' I said with a sudden erudition that surprised me, 'in which ...
JASPER FFORDE Because there's someone else here in East Carmin. Someone hopelessly unsuitable. It's all a really b...
JASPER FFORDE 2.3.06.02.087: Unnecessary sharpening of pencils constitutes a waste of public resources, and will b...
JASPER FFORDE He set fire to some potatoes, then cooked some undelivered post in the embers." - Dad
"Did he n...
JASPER FFORDE Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.
JASPER FFORDE Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotte...
JASPER FFORDE I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years," she announced with some small s...
JASPER FFORDE Love isn't sensible, Red. I think that's the point.
JASPER FFORDE A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.
JASPER FFORDE I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt...
JASPER FFORDE Defiance through compliance.
JASPER FFORDE The youthful stationmaster wore a Blue Spot on his uniform and remonstrated with the driver that the...
JASPER FFORDE Were you listening to a word I said '
'I kind of switched off when you drew breath.
JASPER FFORDE If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hu...
JASPER FFORDE You many have noticed I have a temper ... but when I calmed down, I realized that this world, blight...
JASPER FFORDE Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon.
JASPER FFORDE You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposit...
JASPER FFORDE the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe
JASPER FFORDE The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the...
JASPER FFORDE The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary require...
JASPER FFORDE I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallio...
JASPER FFORDE Who do readers expect to see when they pick up this book? Who has won the Most Troubled Romantic Lea...
JASPER FFORDE I was on HPD--Heathcliff Protection Duty--in Wuthering Heights for two years, and believe me, the Pr...
JASPER FFORDE I assumed that everything would lead to complete failure, but I decided that didn't matter – that ...
JASPER JOHNS Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's ...
JASPER FFORDE Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.
JASPER FFORDE If you expect me to believe that a lawyer wrote A Midsummer Night's Dream, I must be dafter t...
JASPER FFORDE They turned their attention to the wardrobe that held several Armani suits, all of them individually...
JASPER FFORDE Father liked word games. He was fourteen times world Scrabble champion. When he died, we buried him ...
JASPER FFORDE Businessman, philanthropist, large egg.
JASPER FFORDE So you could value your own life," replied the Titan. "Before that you were under the gods' thumbs, ...
JASPER FFORDE She opened the door within two seconds of his pressing the doorbell, letting out a stream of cats th...
JASPER FFORDE This must have been how it all began with Chymes,” sighed Jack. “A small
omission on one ca...
JASPER FFORDE ALBINOS DEMAND ACTION ON MOVIE SLUR The albino community demanded action yesterday to stop their unf...
JASPER FFORDE If you drive at precisely twenty-nine miles per hour, the rumble strips play ‘Jerusalem’ on the ...
JASPER FFORDE Think of this: If it weren’t for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no w...
JASPER FFORDE I loved him, officer. More than any woman ever loved an egg.
JASPER FFORDE You speak baby gibberish?' asked Jack.
'Fluently. The adult-education center ran a course, and ...
JASPER FFORDE Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way.
JASPER FFORDE How many people want to read about three disreputable pigs and a dopey wolf with a disposition towar...
JASPER FFORDE Mr. Pewter led them through to a library, filled with thousands of
antiquarian books.
'Imp...
JASPER FFORDE Do I have to talk to insane people?"
"You're a librarian now. I'm afraid it's mandatory.
JASPER FFORDE The front room of his house was what I called 'untidy chic'. Prefects weren't subject to the same Ru...
JASPER FFORDE So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?
JASPER FFORDE The music map, the Vera Project — all of these are steps in the right direction in making the state...
MEGAN JASPER There was so much happening, but there was no support for it in the city — no feeling of pride or a...
MEGAN JASPER