The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.


David Sedaris

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Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in th...
DAVID SEDARIS
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn ...
DAVID SEDARIS
If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
DAVID SEDARIS
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS
I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk mo...
DAVID SEDARIS
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
DAVID SEDARIS
I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
DAVID SEDARIS
My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS
Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
DAVID SEDARIS
I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
DAVID SEDARIS
But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
DAVID SEDARIS
The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority....
DAVID SEDARIS
Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has...
DAVID SEDARIS
Like anyone nostalgic for a time he didn't live through, I chose to weed out the little inconvenienc...
DAVID SEDARIS
Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his ...
AMY SEDARIS
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were ...
AMY SEDARIS
I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my...
AMY SEDARIS
My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
AMY SEDARIS
I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someo...
AMY SEDARIS
You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use y...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to mak...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's ...
AMY SEDARIS
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
AMY SEDARIS
I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But...
AMY SEDARIS
I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be'...
AMY SEDARIS
More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They ...
AMY SEDARIS
I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it becaus...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
AMY SEDARIS
If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I alway...
AMY SEDARIS
You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character acto...
AMY SEDARIS
Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny ...
AMY SEDARIS
But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
AMY SEDARIS
My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
AMY SEDARIS
When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yoursel...
AMY SEDARIS
Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
AMY SEDARIS
I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
AMY SEDARIS
I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, includ...
AMY SEDARIS
I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd ge...
AMY SEDARIS
I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff ...
AMY SEDARIS
We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
AMY SEDARIS
My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea m...
AMY SEDARIS
I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
AMY SEDARIS
My characters always like themselves.
AMY SEDARIS
It's all about process to me - as long as it's fun to me, I don't care about the final product.
AMY SEDARIS
It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm satisfied just thinking of the idea.
AMY SEDARIS
I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS
I'm not a first-place person.
AMY SEDARIS
You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors w...
AMY SEDARIS
I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
AMY SEDARIS
It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby...
AMY SEDARIS
I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS