The man who sees consistency in things is a wit; the man who sees the inconsistency in things is a humorist.

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it.

My country, right or wrong,” is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, “My mother, drunk or sober.

Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:
"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."
One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

The sane man knows that he has a touch of the beast, a touch of the devil, a touch of the saint, a touch of the citizen. The really sane man knows that he has a touch of the madman.