The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in America it caught 100, in France 1000, and in Romania, somebody stole the robot.

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty.
I'm blonde, but I'm really a brunette.
I'm nosey, but I'm really curious.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.