The only thing that I don't like is my kids watching comedy that isn't actually funny. There's a lot of supposed tween comedy on TV that isn't particularly funny, but it's got a lot of laugh track. And I go, 'Please don't watch that. Please just watch something that's actually funny.'
Stephen Colbert
Related I can tell you that you will have your hearts broken more by the people you love than by the people ... MARGARET PETERSON HADDIX I used to watch 'Grey's Anatomy' pretty religiously. ERINN HAYES Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, tha... NORM MACDONALD If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them an... BILL COSBY I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's fu... DEMETRI MARTIN I'd love to do a comedy. I'm terrified of comedy. I don't think I'm funny, but I gue... JARED PADALECKI I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sah... NICK CAVE A lot of female comedians will go up there in a sweatshirt and Converses, trying to dress themselves... CARLY CRAIG That's something a lot of folks don't know about me - I'm pretty darn funny. MICHAEL JAI WHITE Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill ROLAND SMITH Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids ... BILLY BOB THORNTON For me, I can't watch violence when it's too grotesque, and it's just like, that's r... AARON TAYLOR-JOHNSON It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill JUDE WATSON I'm still a big 'Grey's Anatomy' fan. BROOKE ELLIOTT I haven't been offered a lot of comedy. In theater, I've done quite a bit of comedy or drama... MIREILLE ENOS About f-f-ace!" she said to the horse, flailing with her boots. "Into the barn, please. It's time fo... PETER LERANGIS You see?" Damien leaned over his desk and spread out half a dozen charcoal sketches. "These are only... RICK RIORDAN You know, I don't watch television! Sorry! I actually don't even have a television. I don... BROOKE SMITH I don't watch that much comedy. I think it's professional jealousy. That and a lack of suppo... MICHAEL IAN BLACK I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn o... JENNY ECLAIR There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not goi... WENDY COPE It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea. JUDE WATSON I get called 'the girl off the dancing horse.' I just laugh; I think it's really funny. ... CHARLOTTE DUJARDIN I don't like rock. Honestly, I like to listen to it, but it's not for me. There's a lot ... LUIS MIGUEL How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's ... LES DAWSON There's a lot out there for me to learn that isn't in college, so I think it's fine for ... TAYLOR PHINNEY It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back... JOE ROGAN Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's charact... DAVID MITCHELL I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny ... JACKIE MASON I don't see much comedy in the Bible, where people are writing about funny people. It's not ... BILL COSBY What I don't like so much is people who - how do you say this? - who make judgments over the gen... JOHN DE MOL, JR. I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I&... DANNY DEVITO I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. ... MITT ROMNEY A lot of my friends are club people. It's not me. It's funny to represent that, because it... RANDY HARRISON Gamer humor ranges all over the place. What it comes down to is taking a lot of what we see in gamin... FREDDIE WONG God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't k... GARRISON KEILLOR Being mean just for being mean's sake isn't funny. KAITLIN OLSON As a viewer of television if there's something I don't like or find offensive, I just don... DAVE NAVARRO I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts ... KATE BECKINSALE Sometimes, things need to be so understated on film that I don't even see them as funny, which i... T. J. MILLER You just suddenly think that there's something quite childish about acting. Basically, it's ... KEVIN WHATELY I've got a few ideas," (Amy) admitted. "But I don't know where we're going in the long term. I mean ... RICK RIORDAN I purposefully did not want to watch anything I've done so far; I actually don't like lookin... SAM CLAFLIN One funny thing is, though, I wear my watch on my right hand and I'm actually right-handed. Peop... LUKE EVANS I don't think Reagan is primarily funny, and I don't think he's primarily marvelous; he&... EUGENE JARECKI Some of my fans don't really like it when I respond to people who say things that are trying to ... RICKIE FOWLER I'm embarrassed to say that I don't have a lot of hobbies. It's not because I don't ... MIKE COLTER I don't want this to come off bad at all, but I really don't watch Disney shows. I don't... ATTICUS SHAFFER I don't want to play everyone's best friend. I don't want to play the role of a girl str... ZOE KRAVITZ I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the botto... EDDIE IZZARD I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't ... PATRICK NESS There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny. RICK WAKEMAN Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny ... WAVY GRAVY Alas, I think I am becoming a god. TITUS Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. LUCAN I have a wife, I have sons: all of them hostages given to fate. LUCAN Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't trea... BO BURNHAM I think it's funny because on 'Glee Project,' there's that added pressure, but with ... SAMUEL LARSEN With drama, you know if you're having a true moment, but in comedy, if somebody doesn't laug... BROOKE NEVIN For my money, I don't think there's been a better comedy than 'Kung Fu Hustle' in a ... ADAM MCKAY To this day, I've found that it doesn't matter what a guy looks like if he's really funn... CATHERINE O'HARA There's a lot of comedy in Intermission but it's got this depth. It's not comedy for com... CILLIAN MURPHY I don't actually watch that much TV, but I was obsessed with 'Dawson's Creek' growin... ANYA TAYLOR-JOY There are certain things that I know I don't want to do anymore. Playing out-and-out terrorists ... ART MALIK The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don't realize that he's really funn... DANIEL BALDWIN I don't hate humanity and I'm not interested in people who do. Although, it's funny, act... ELIZABETH GILBERT I always find Victoria's Secret models a bit weird. EDIE CAMPBELL I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny becau... GREG BEHRENDT I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some ... MILLIE BOBBY BROWN I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either ... JEFF ROSS I like to be home on a Friday night. I don't go out. I don't go to clubs. It's not my th... KALEY CUOCO Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. JAMES LIPTON I chose not to put a wig on. The reason why I chose to come out with the cancer thing is because the... SHARON JONES I don't have this weird, natural funny bone that constantly comes out. It's not like my ever... RACHAEL HARRIS There's a couple of movie parts that I can't remember. There was always something kind of lu... CRAIG ROBINSON I don't actually do any exercise, which is really bad. But I wear heels a lot. My theory is that... KAREN GILLAN I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than th... ANDY COHEN People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it'... NICK CAVE I never watch MTV. I don't have time to watch TV. And when I do, I'm watching the Discovery ... CARLY SCHROEDER I don't get to watch Futurama, until it's on TV. BILLY WEST I'm just really impressed by oil paintings - I don't see how people do it! That's the st... BRITTANY HOWARD If you watch the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour,' don't expect that when you come see me by my... RON WHITE I don't watch something just because it's a specific genre. DREW ROY I don't really necessarily think I'm a funny guy, but I like the opportunity to take on some... SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT I can't tell if I want to be a rapper who's funny because I kind of enjoy just doing really ... AWKWAFINA My uncle is so funny - Don Vito. He was always fat with the craziest voice. Dude, he barely speaks E... BAM MARGERA Is it spoken word? Kinda, but that's a weird area. Is it comedy? Well, it's funny but no, it... BRUCE MCCULLOCH I don't think I'm a funny person in general. I have had to learn comedy. ASHTON KUTCHER I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera.... TOPHER GRACE I think, whenever you're doing anything, you don't want anyone anywhere to watch it and thin... CLAIRE FOY I don't watch movie trailers. I just go to the movie, and I don't know anything about it, be... SKYLAR GREY I think a lot of times on TV we see caricatures - that's what's funny. MAYIM BIALIK I would love to host 'Saturday Night Live.' That's one of my goals in life - just puttin... ALESSIA CARA Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way." "Funny name for an aircraft... GORDON KORMAN You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in t... AL MADRIGAL I don't feel one's personal medical condition is everybody's business. It just isn't... ARETHA FRANKLIN Most of the time, I don't even watch what I do on TV. I go in, get the job done, and just know i... DAVID HEDISON A lot of reality shows tend to harp on the negative. The person isn't pretty enough or can't... BRUCE NASH
More Stephen Colbert
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STEPHEN COLBERT Lemme just talk to you for a second about something that I think is good for America: caramel apples... STEPHEN COLBERT [And not a moment too soon, figures Colbert (the gifted humorist-performer, that is not the make-bel... STEPHEN COLBERT In success, you wouldn't be able to say I'm conservative or liberal. I'm part of the blame-America-l... STEPHEN COLBERT Don't be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up a... STEPHEN COLBERT Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overru... STEPHEN COLBERT I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law. STEPHEN COLBERT The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jo... STEPHEN COLBERT Reality has a well-known liberal bias. STEPHEN COLBERT You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it... STEPHEN COLBERT When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around in a quitter. STEPHEN COLBERT I believe gender is a spectrum, and I fall somewhere between Channing Tatum and Winnie the Pooh. STEPHEN COLBERT NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either. STEPHEN COLBERT Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. STEPHEN COLBERT My favorite off-camera memory of Jon Stewart is watching him jump from the second level of a tuna to... STEPHEN COLBERT I liked comedy as a kid. When I was a kid, I'd go to sleep to, like, Bill Cosby albums every nig... STEPHEN COLBERT It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean ... STEPHEN COLBERT NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter'... STEPHEN COLBERT Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family. STEPHEN COLBERT You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourse... STEPHEN COLBERT What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto! STEPHEN COLBERT Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcohol... STEPHEN COLBERT Govern a family as you would cook a small fish - very gently. CLAUDETTE COLBERT Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother. CLAUDETTE COLBERT I bet you think an egg is something you casually order for breakfast when you can't think of any... CLAUDETTE COLBERT When these seniors came here, we were 2-22 and 1-and-something. They helped put Waukegan basketball ... BRIAN COLBERT We got what we wanted ? winning a regional and a chance to get back home to the Dog Pound for the se... BRIAN COLBERT I rather have Dana full strength in March than in January. He doesn't want his season to end. BRIAN COLBERT It was fun watching the big men bang on each other all night. We thought we had a little more experi... BRIAN COLBERT I thought our defense triggered our offense. We got into a nice flow when we played good defense and... BRIAN COLBERT Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy - the mother CLAUDETTE COLBERT The talent level continues to rise each and every year. AL COLBERT To just head off to one tournament, the bill could be as much as $6,000. Travel, hotel and food cost... AL COLBERT We have a very impressive schedule this year. Last season, I think we managed to sneak up on people,... AL COLBERT The money will go to the Red Cross or any other organization people can write checks to. ANDREW COLBERT Everybody has clothes lying around their house, everybody has some thing to give. ANDREW COLBERT The Palm Beach Story CLAUDETTE COLBERT Men don't get smarter when they grow older. They just lose their hair. CLAUDETTE COLBERT I had a dream that I went down (to New Orleans) and helped, but since it was the week before school,... ANDREW COLBERT Men don't get smarter when they grow older. They just lose their hair. CLAUDETTE COLBERT We returned from Spring Break healthy this year. We were plagued with multiple injuries very early i... MALCOLM COLBERT Audiences always sound like they're glad to see me, and I'm damned glad to see them. CLAUDETTE COLBERT We decided to take a chance, and it worked out pretty good for us. KEVIN COLBERT You go into it with a certain plan and you have to adjust as the game unfolds. Personally, I think i... KEVIN COLBERT This kid put up some amazing statistics in productivity at Bowling Green. We still think he has some... KEVIN COLBERT As we say every year, I don't think anybody ever thinks that they had a bad draft. We are no differe... KEVIN COLBERT It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it. CLAUDETTE COLBERT I bet you think an egg is something you casually order for breakfast when you can't think of anythin... CLAUDETTE COLBERT I know what's best for me, after all I have been in the Claudette Colbert business longer than anybo... CLAUDETTE COLBERT It took me years to figure out that you don't fall into a tub of butter, you jump for it. CLAUDETTE COLBERT [Actress Claudette Colbert appeared in her last film role in] Parrish, ... I'm a mature woman but I ... CLAUDETTE COLBERT It took me years to figure out that you don't fall into a tub of butter, you jump for it. CLAUDETTE COLBERT You wish you could’ve learned to play piano. You wish you could’ve started drawing when you were... DAREN COLBERT They've been here practicing all week, and they have all their paperwork in. DEAN COLBERT We welcome them. I think it's a great situation, the fact that we can at least help these families h... DEAN COLBERT I would just like for our seniors to have some semblance of a season. It doesn't really matter who w... DEAN COLBERT We want to try listing the second and third floors on the Internet, to buy or lease those floors. DAVE COLBERT The key will be to get something on those other two floors. DAVE COLBERT It was all generated from the idea that we wanted to save the building. DAVE COLBERT Ever since my house burned down, I see the moon more clearly. GREGORY COLBERT This building has legs and it wants to have conversations in different cultural contexts and cities.... GREGORY COLBERT Anteater -- who could have ever thought that such an animal could be so expressive? It's all in thei... GREGORY COLBERT The works themselves can't be separate from the architecture or the music or the films. When you wal... GREGORY COLBERT Tracy had been a great support player in the midfield. Many of our goals are made from her contribut... MALCOLM COLBERT We are trying to get accustomed to the rapid arrival of the heat. Playoff preparation is continuing. MALCOLM COLBERT It feels good to get this title. The girls have worked hard. We still have more work to do in order ... MALCOLM COLBERT Smith Station defended our key players, but the girls adjusted well to counter the Smith Station gam... MALCOLM COLBERT We tried to neutralize their key players and exploit the wings. I was happy to see team's communicat... MALCOLM COLBERT This was a huge win for us. We played together as team and that is what it is going to take for use ... MALCOLM COLBERT I was proud of they way we played defense. The girls really played hard and did the things they need... MALCOLM COLBERT If you look at him, you would think he's 20-something. He takes care of his body ... look in his loc... KEARY COLBERT I know he knows he can play and still might want to play. But I always joke that his wife has made u... KEARY COLBERT He made a play on the ball; he was in the right position to make a play, plain and simple. I saw him... KEARY COLBERT Everybody wants to get on the field and stay on the field, ... So I think you have to push yourself ... KEARY COLBERT If you know what to do and get to your spot, that's what it's all about, KEARY COLBERT As far as getting the ball, I don't have so much pride where I have to have the ball or it's like, '... KEARY COLBERT It will happen in time, ... It's week two of a long season. I have to clean up a lot of stuff. I hav... KEARY COLBERT Everybody wants to be on the field, and everybody wants to stay on the field, ... There's a lot of t... KEARY COLBERT It will happen in time, ... It's Week 2 of a long season. KEARY COLBERT We learned that we had some pretty good depth and some of our youth were capable of playing larger r... ROB COLBERT Lots of people are on the Internet and it gives them an easy opportunity to help out. OFFICER COLBERT In politics nothing is contemptible. JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT Finality is not the language of politics. JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT Let it alone. Let it pass by.
[Lat., Laissez faire, laissez passer.] JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers wi... J. B. COLBERT The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers ... J. B. COLBERT The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of fe... JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least his... JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT It is simply, and solely, the abundance of money within a state [which] makes the difference in its ... JEAN BAPTISTE COLBERT The fact is, people who can't kill, will always be subject to those who can. SGT. BRAD 'ICEMAN' COLBERT The sorrows and disasters of Europe always brought fortune to America. STEPHEN B. STEPHEN LEACOCK Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imaginat... STEPHEN COVEY Demons manifest themselves in people in different ways. For instance, out of nowhere, somebody can b... STEPHEN BALDWIN I was never top of the class at school, but my classmates must have seen potential in me, because my... STEPHEN HAWKING Instead, I have an abundance mentality: When people are genuinely happy at the successes of others, ... STEPHEN COVEY Sometimes earning awards doesn't matter as much as earning revenue or profit, or having a good r... STEPHEN CHOW I think there ought to be some serious discussion by smart people, really smart people, about whethe... STEPHEN KING Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we... STEPHEN COVEY A mission statement is not something you write overnight... But fundamentally, your mission statemen... STEPHEN COVEY Listen with your eyes for feelings. STEPHEN COVEY We are in danger of destroying ourselves by our greed and stupidity. We cannot remain looking inward... STEPHEN HAWKING Fiction is the truth inside the lie. STEPHEN KING And as a writer, one of the things that I've always been interested in doing is actually invadin... STEPHEN KING Each life makes its own immitation of immortality. STEPHEN KING I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find th... STEPHEN KING You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long a... STEPHEN KING When asked, 'How do you write?' I invariably answer, 'one word at a time.' STEPHEN KING The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there... and still on your fe... STEPHEN KING Let's face it. No kid in high school feels as though they fit in. STEPHEN KING We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones. STEPHEN KING People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small ... STEPHEN KING Synergy is better than my way or your way. It's our way. STEPHEN COVEY Stop setting goals. Goals are pure fantasy unless you have a specific plan to achieve them. STEPHEN COVEY Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you. STEPHEN COVEY Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply. STEPHEN COVEY Our population and our use of the finite resources of planet Earth are growing exponentially, along ... STEPHEN HAWKING Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. STEPHEN COVEY The director of 'Independence Day,' 'Godzilla' and 'The Patriot' has certain... STEPHEN HUNTER Alliances and partnerships produce stability when they reflect realities and interests. STEPHEN KINZER