The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
Ellen DeGeneres
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The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
ADRIEN BRODY I think Ellen DeGeneres is just hysterical.
PAUL RUDD Who knows, it could have been Hillary Clinton herself, doing a Freudian slip during a commercial bre...
BRIAN DONAHUE Who knows, it could have been Hillary Clinton herself, doing a Freudian slip during a commercial bre...
BRIAN DONAHUE Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution.
Procrastinate now, don’t put it...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, So...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''...
ELLEN DEGENERES It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER It's not being marketed as a gay show by a gay person. It's just Ellen DeGeneres.
KYAN DOUGLAS The mainstream needs Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell. The mainstream needs RuPaul.
BILLY EICHNER We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Did I hurt you in the parking lot?"
"No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car."...
ILONA ANDREWS Once I fell out of a tree and was hit by a motorbike. I still have the scar on my head now.
NOBU MATSUHISA Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.
ELLEN DEGENERES If you never learned to hold onto someone, how could it possibly hurt now to let them go?
SHANNON L. ALDER I mean, it's just a blessing that nobody was hurt. That's the only way you can look at it, no one hu...
GABRIEL ORTIZ You fell asleep and a monster crawled from out of my head and found its way under my bed
YESENIA BARKLEY No life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it. -Ellen Glasgow.
ELLEN GLASGOW When I was a kid, Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell were mere blips on the gaydar; and they we...
BETH DITTO If you could chop down a tree -- any tree at all -- what kind of tree would it be?
BARBARA WALTERS The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind happiness
not always...
LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI You always put things at risk. If you fell out of a tree as a child, I'd clean you up and bandage yo...
COURTNEY MILAN Nobody fell out of the ugly tree, everybody fell out of the gorgeous tree; some just landed on their...
KLEINJAN REDELINGHUYS So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
CASSANDRA CLARE Just simply splashing around in the water, if there is sewage contamination there is a risk you coul...
GLENN MORRIS The Ellen DeGeneres show called, and they are interested in Ian. We didn't expect anything like that...
IAN GILCHRIST His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING If we all took a minute to reflect upon the wrong we do we would be quite surprised or shocked.Inste...
GARY F EVANS... You fell off the tree of fucked-up-weird and slammed every branch on the way down.
VINCENT ZANDRI It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your ...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your f...
BILBO BAGGINS If you could headline there, regardless of whether you sold out, it was just a real milestone. It me...
SHAUN COOPER I could feel a fire going up my arm, across my chest and out the top of my head. The only way I can ...
DONNA KULFAN You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN Character is beyond obligation. You could kick your shoes off at the door, flick your cigarete butts...
NOVALA TAKEMOTO Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C. Start seeing a way for yourself. Stop seeing a way for others.
APURVA GAGLANI It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.
NAPOLEON HILL Figure out your passion. What floats your boat, rings your bell, lights your tree? A life without pa...
TONI SORENSON Plant a seed of cashew, it will grow into a tree and by the fourth year it will fruit and keep produ...
SOTONYE ANGA Something did happen, and I really don't feel proud of it.
DEYTH BANGER You make a difference about your life it's a knock on the head of mind setting your life you see the...
DEMI LOVATO [• Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that ...
ELLEN DEGENERES They should make earplugs for people who are grieving, so we don't have to hear the stupid things pe...
CAROLE GEITHNER Sleep is like a cat: It only comes to you if you ignore it. I drank more and continued my mantra. 'S...
GILLIAN FLYNN While it's true a small treat won't blow your budget, indulging every day could - the same w...
JEAN CHATZKY Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head
ANN LANDERS I was a big Jay Leno fan, so I was sorry to see him go. But my number one person that I watch, she...
MEGYN KELLY If you can accept losing you can't win. If you can walk you can run. No one is ever hurt. Hurt is in...
VINCE LOMBARDI Mother Superior jump the gun...
-The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun
LAUREN MYRACLE Life is a difficult game. You can win it only by retaining your birthright to be a person.
A. P. J. ABDUL KALAM If you're a first-rounder, it's like, why stay? I feel the only thing you can do is hurt your chance...
LAURENCE MARONEY Oh, sometimes I think it is of no use to make friends. They only go out of your life after awhile an...
L.M. MONTGOMERY If it is your time love will track you down like a cruise missile. If you say 'No! I don't want it r...
LYNDA BARRY If you can't go through it, find a way around it. Don't spend all your time banging your head agains...
LENNY WILKENS We didn't hurt her little dog. She never fell of the table, never fell out of the bath.
MERLIN STICE When you hold onto something because you're afraid to let it go, there's no way for something better...
ELEANOR BROWNN Shall I tell you the secret of the whole world? It is that we have only known the back of the world....
G.K. CHESTERTON Since you’re obviously in need of something to do, instead of shouting at me through this whole dr...
JULIE JAMES Life is not a game. Still, in this life, we choose the games we live to play.
J.R. RIM Take chance standout. You can only have your head above waters if you stick your neck out a bit. It'...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR This is an evolving kind of situation, and what might have been appropriate a week ago might not be ...
KEN EHRLICH Because I feel no anger toward my mother. Only loss, and loss is a feeling you can’t fight your wa...
ALLY CONDIE Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different.
JOHNNIE DENT JR. She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY We Are All Infinite
STEPHEN CHBOSKY (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE.
STEPHAN CHBOSKY Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st...
STHEPHEN CHBOSKY no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY The whole point of cryopreserving only one's head is based on the idea that one can simply grow ...
AUBREY DE GREY When your back is to the wall and you are facing fear head on, the only way is forward and through i...
STEPHEN RICHARDS It hurt too much, ... There was no way I could play on.
CONCHITA MARTINEZ If you have bills automatically coming out of your account and you get a day that the boat doesn't r...
ED FITZGERALD Do not think of how big the universe is, it will merely hurt your head.
BUDDHA You could be great, you know, it’s all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on the way t...
J.K. ROWLING Not Slytherin, eh?...Are you sure? You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head, and Sly...
J.K. ROWLING However, a loan is a loan, and as long as your other debt remains low, it doesn't hurt to put the ex...
CARRIE COLE The planting of a tree, especially one of the long-living hardwood trees, is a gift which you can ma...
GEORGE ORWELL Life is a re-discovery.
BRIAN BLESSED If you think that life is a celebration full of party poppers and merry go rounds it's not it's a ga...
GARY F EVANS... Life Is a Misconception.
DEYTH BANGER Life is a desire!
DEYTH BANGER To trust someone you must firstly remember that it is a two way street that will go all the way if y...
GARY F EVANS... It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it ...
WASHINGTON IRVING Don't you ever think,' he asked cautiously, 'that it would be better to be a bully than to be bullie...
JOHN BOYNE Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step ont...
J. R. R. TOLKIEN “Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step ...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN
More Ellen DeGeneres
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we...
ELLEN DEGENERES I would love for the world to be happier.
ELLEN DEGENERES I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me...
ELLEN DEGENERES So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying i...
ELLEN DEGENERES If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wan...
ELLEN DEGENERES The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think peop...
ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
ELLEN DEGENERES And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happe...
ELLEN DEGENERES Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
ELLEN DEGENERES The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens....
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I...
ELLEN DEGENERES Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual....
ELLEN DEGENERES Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear a...
ELLEN DEGENERES Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should reali...
ELLEN DEGENERES It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
ELLEN DEGENERES If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.
ELLEN DEGENERES If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birt...
ELLEN DEGENERES You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and sl...
ELLEN DEGENERES Haiku sounds like I'm
Saying hi to someone named
Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
ELLEN DEGENERES Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school. ELLEN DEGENERES Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help som...
ELLEN DEGENERES Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim thr...
ELLEN DEGENERES The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yours...
ELLEN DEGENERES So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless y...
ELLEN DEGENERES Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all di...
ELLEN DEGENERES Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't ev...
ELLEN DEGENERES Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also ha...
ELLEN DEGENERES Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for brea...
ELLEN DEGENERES I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clappin...
ELLEN DEGENERES I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and...
ELLEN DEGENERES It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.
ELLEN DEGENERES It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
ELLEN DEGENERES Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neigh...
ELLEN DEGENERES What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we ...
ELLEN DEGENERES True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is ab...
ELLEN DEGENERES Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
ELLEN DEGENERES When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when...
ELLEN DEGENERES My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the c...
ELLEN DEGENERES Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if peo...
ELLEN DEGENERES If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should u...
ELLEN DEGENERES I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful ...
ELLEN DEGENERES You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, So...
ELLEN DEGENERES Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
ELLEN DEGENERES I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is c...
ELLEN DEGENERES Don't give advice. It will come back and bite you in the [butt]. Don't take anyone's advice. So, my ...
ELLEN DEGENERES The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anyb...
ELLEN DEGENERES People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
ELLEN DEGENERES The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the ...
ELLEN DEGENERES People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with any...
ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find...
ELLEN DEGENERES I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beauti...
ELLEN DEGENERES I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just ...
ELLEN DEGENERES We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity an...
ELLEN DEGENERES Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
ELLEN DEGENERES I think everybody should have the same anger towards the injustice that's happening and the hatr...
ELLEN DEGENERES I have sadness in me. I have anger in me. I have heartbreak in me.
ELLEN DEGENERES Whatever you define family as, family is just a part of belonging to something that takes care of yo...
ELLEN DEGENERES We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours a...
ELLEN DEGENERES If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one...
ELLEN DEGENERES Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the w...
ELLEN DEGENERES It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they...
ELLEN DEGENERES Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.
ELLEN DEGENERES I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with.
ELLEN DEGENERES We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't grow up in a house - we moved a lot, and we always lived in apartments. But we looked a...
ELLEN DEGENERES Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dia...
ELLEN DEGENERES Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's j...
ELLEN DEGENERES I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short...
ELLEN DEGENERES I love kids. But that's such a big commitment. And it seems long-term. It seems like a commitmen...
ELLEN DEGENERES I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about w...
ELLEN DEGENERES I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do...
ELLEN DEGENERES I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we'r...
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'...
ELLEN DEGENERES My father was a first reader in the Christian Science Church, which is similar to being a preacher. ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d...
ELLEN DEGENERES I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tabl...
ELLEN DEGENERES You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an i...
ELLEN DEGENERES When I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought, " When I grow up, I want to...
ELLEN DEGENERES You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I thi...
ELLEN DEGENERES What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore...
ELLEN DEGENERES I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe ...
ELLEN DEGENERES The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm ...
ELLEN DEGENERES The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on...
ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. B...
ELLEN DEGENERES I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I...
ELLEN DEGENERES They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thou...
ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was s...
ELLEN DEGENERES Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and ha...
ELLEN DEGENERES Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we d...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. I...
ELLEN DEGENERES For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy...
ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but lo...
ELLEN DEGENERES Life is like one big Mardi Gras. But instead of showing your boobs, show people your brain, and if t...
ELLEN DEGENERES Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most.
ELLEN DEGENERES Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the wo...
ELLEN DEGENERES People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.
ELLEN DEGENERES And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so ...
ELLEN DEGENERES "I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they're seeing too much. Everything is abo...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had...
ELLEN DEGENERES its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow
ELLEN DEGENERES I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'...
ELLEN DEGENERES Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a rel...
ELLEN DEGENERES People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
ELLEN DEGENERES And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards.
ELLEN DEGENERES We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town.
ELLEN DEGENERES Soap Talk.
ELLEN DEGENERES There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly,...
ELLEN DEGENERES [I went to a] coffee shop here and the smallest coffee is a tall... "I need a coffee with a side of ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I didn't want the Web site to be impersonal and I wanted to interact with people, ... The hammer and...
ELLEN DEGENERES "Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running...
ELLEN DEGENERES Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on...
ELLEN DEGENERES [Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eigh...
ELLEN DEGENERES I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like...
ELLEN DEGENERES I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of w...
ELLEN DEGENERES Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw eve...
ELLEN DEGENERES I do fantasize about having my own shop one day.
ELLEN DEGENERES But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's g...
ELLEN DEGENERES Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.
ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. The...
ELLEN DEGENERES If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one...
ELLEN DEGENERES ...if you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa.
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.
ELLEN DEGENERES I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's...
ELLEN DEGENERES When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistaken...
ELLEN DEGENERES Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'
Ellen: 'No, not unless y...
ELLEN DEGENERES My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing. She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost...
ELLEN DEGENERES My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and th...
ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES "I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises." ELLEN DEGENERES "I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just lik...
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet - to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-fe...
ELLEN DEGENERES Hosting the Oscars is pretty much the scariest thing you can do. To me, this is right up there with ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I would say 'no'! It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, ever...
ELLEN DEGENERES I think I let go of the need for approval,
ELLEN DEGENERES I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used t...
ELLEN DEGENERES But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get o...
ELLEN DEGENERES "I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, ...
ELLEN DEGENERES The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincid...
ELLEN DEGENERES "I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called ...
ELLEN DEGENERES You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me be...
ELLEN DEGENERES The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had...
ELLEN DEGENERES Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain.
ELLEN DEGENERES That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.
ELLEN DEGENERES I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and list...
ELLEN DEGENERES [• Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that ...
ELLEN DEGENERES We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''...
ELLEN DEGENERES I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that's their job and they have to...
ELLEN DEGENERES "I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my g...
ELLEN DEGENERES Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not...
ELLEN DEGENERES You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.
ELLEN DEGENERES "I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises."
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that...
ELLEN DEGENERES Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I...
ELLEN DEGENERES It's definitely a heterosexual feeling, but it's directed at you.
ELLEN DEGENERES Yeah [I'm thirty-six], but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old w...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from......
ELLEN DEGENERES Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up ...
ELLEN DEGENERES The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right be...
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave ...
ELLEN DEGENERES It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school.
ELLEN DEGENERES I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got re...
ELLEN DEGENERES Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year...
ELLEN DEGENERES Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gros...
ELLEN DEGENERES New Orleans is my hometown, and our thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected.
ELLEN DEGENERES I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my...
ELLEN DEGENERES In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There w...
ELLEN DEGENERES I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new ...
ELLEN DEGENERES I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.
ELLEN DEGENERES I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getti...
ELLEN DEGENERES The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime...
ELLEN DEGENERES Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses,...
ELLEN DEGENERES Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slo...
ELLEN DEGENERES Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen ...
ELLEN DEGENERES Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these d...
ELLEN DEGENERES You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She...
ELLEN DEGENERES I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's c...
ELLEN DEGENERES I'm grateful for everything. I'm grateful for my health, and I'm so grateful for the lov...
ELLEN DEGENERES I say always follow your passion, no matter what, because even if it's not the same financial su...
ELLEN DEGENERES There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would ...
ELLEN DEGENERES