The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament, and we have five games this weekend, so I figure if I can finish the game off, I can give 'em a little rest so they can go out and get the next four games.


Steven Wright

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I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote"
STEVEN WRIGHT
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ...
STEVEN WRIGHT
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
STEVEN WRIGHT
Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT
My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�...
STEVEN WRIGHT
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out...
STEVEN WRIGHT
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving...
STEVEN WRIGHT
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb...
STEVEN WRIGHT