The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.


Woody Allen

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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right. (All You Wanted To Know About Sex)
WOODY ALLEN
I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
My pastor asked me if I ever thought of divorcing him. I told him no, but I thought about shooting h...
MARIE FABRICIUS
I had a nightmare. So my friend asked me what it was. I told him it was him sleeping with my mom. He...
MUNTAZIR M.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
When they stood up and I stayed where I was, he asked me if I was going to stand and I told him that...
ROSA PARKS
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON
If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY
I was honored he asked me, but I didn't feel bad about turning him down. Woody turned me down as a p...
JERRY GLANVILLE
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
I was surprised when they told me it was 35 years. I thought it was only 32.
BILL BEAN
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty
GEORGE F. BURNS
I'm such a big fan of Woody Allen. I once tried staying at the same hotel as him, hoping I would...
DEEPIKA PADUKONE
He told her he was going to rip her laundry off and do dirty things to her, ... She asked him when h...
FRANK MINUCCI
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn'...
PAUL MERTON
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex ...
GEORGE F. BURNS
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
He asked me what in the world I was doing in the Marines and I told him I'd be out in a few years an...
JERRY BROOKINGS
We talked for two to five minutes. He asked me where I was coming from. I told him 'I'm lost right n...
JOE WHITE
He pointed at me and said, 'that one won't stand up.' The two policemen came near me and only one sp...
ROSA PARKS
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire st...
ANONYMOUS
Once he asked me what I thought had turned me gay."
"I hope you told him you were bitten by a g...
CASSANDRA CLARE
But in this case, he had my cell phone and my phone was ringing and I had just come back from Austra...
RADHA MITCHELL
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't ...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
Woody Allen has done some excellent serious movies, too, like Crimes And Misdemeanors. Very overlook...
DAVID ZUCKER
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and ...
GEORGE BURNS
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn&...
PAUL MERTON
One time somebody asked me what Woody and I talked about, ... You know, we didn't talk that much. We...
STETSON KENNEDY
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
He asked me how many high school games I had coached. I told him it was around 780, and he said, 'I ...
FLOYD CIRUTI
It's fair to ask about how many pitches I let Woody throw that year and what effect it might have ha...
JIM RIGGLEMAN
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly to...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
Some psychiatrist told me I was interested in sculpture because I dealt in flat surfaces and needed ...
DAVID L. WOLPER
I took an acting class with Louise Lasser, Woody Allen's first wife and co-star in many movies. ...
GARY SHTEYNGART
I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he got into carbon fiber cellos,
PAUL ROSENTHAL
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I told him I thought that was strange.
HARRY SAMIT
When he asked me, with obvious self-satisfaction, what I thought of the scenario, I hardly knew how ...
ELMER RICE
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugl...
RODNEY DANGERFIELD
He was assaulted and robbed so I gave him a few more days to move out. He asked me for a few more da...
DWIGHT MILLER
People sometimes forget all the films that we've done. They remember the likes of 'Malcolm X...
SPIKE LEE
I was in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories in 1980. It was only a bit part and I didn't get to...
SHARON STONE
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to ...
JOHN LENNON
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to ...
JOHN LENNON
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL
When I offered Fran the job, I told him I'd done this one other time and that was when I hired Stefa...
JEFF WARD
Me and Woody Harrelson, we're twins. We're the same person. I should only make movies with h...
LAURA DERN
After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER
When she asked what my father taught me, I told her I couldn't put it into words. But then I lay awa...
PETER GEYE
When he asked if I would like to try second base, I thought, Hey, get me in the lineup.
BOBBY THOMSON
Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same t...
RADHA MITCHELL
He'd asked me to marry him. He'd kissed me. Twice. He said he loved me. What a scum, rat, dog bastar...
GENA SHOWALTER
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.
JOHN WATERS
I was at a U2 concert and someone asked me if my hair color was real... I thought to myself, if I ha...
ANGIE EVERHART
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to ...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU
We know what to expect from Woody. I love Woody. I still talk to Woody. But when I go out there to f...
ALBERT PUJOLS
When I went to Paris, I had a lot of ideas about it that were formed in the sort of ether that flows...
ROSECRANS BALDWIN
I thanked him and he asked me if my cape got caught on stuff when I was running and jumping, and I s...
JOE R. LANSDALE
I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH
The next time I contacted him I asked him how the fan arrived and was it working, and he told me the...
DENISE JORGENSON
I asked a man in prison once how he happened to be there and he said he had stolen a pair of shoes. ...
MARY HARRIS JONES
I wondered if he ever thought of me, and hated the pang I felt when I told myself he didn't.
SARAH DESSEN
I thought it was some local TV crew. They started talking to me and my dad. Then they asked me quest...
DUCKMANN JR
I was in Asia and people asked me about being considered sex symbol. I don't know if that's good or ...
BAI LING
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
Your principal motive on a movie set is to get the film made, but on a Woody Allen set, there's ...
REBECCA HALL
I don't know what you mean when you say 'the whole world' or 'generations before him.'I thought ther...
LOIS LOWRY
My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready...
UNKNOWN
When Tony got by me, I thought I was done. But he never walked away,
RYAN NEWMAN
I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked what I thought, and attended to my ...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU
I recall my dad saying about me once that the only time he'd ever heard me say 'never' w...
BOB DIAMOND
I thought he was kidding when he told me he was going to do it. It was surprising.
JACQUE JONES
Growing up, my two favorite books were Woody Allen's 'Side Effects' and Phyllis Diller&#...
JILL DAVIS
So I told him I'd sell him a new wheel at cost, and I ordered it, but later he came in and said he'd...
BRAD STEWART
I'm sick of hearing, thinking and talking about Woody Allen. Nonetheless, the allegations agains...
ROXANE GAY
A nurse asked me how far along I was, and when I told her, she said I was looking big for someone wh...
HEATHER TSILIMOS
If any of us had accepted $50,000 to keep him out of prison, why would we have, in open court, asked...
ROBERT HERRON
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
WOODY ALLEN
I really thought I was gonna die. I told the doctors, 'Let me go instead of running up this big bill...
CARL JACKSON
He never asked me what I thought, and I never told him what I thought, because in my view that's the...
JANET MALCOLM
I saw him after the game today and I just said hello to him and asked him how he has been doing, ......
KYLE BRADY
I asked, and the [official] told me it wasn't anything [Perry] said. He said he just didn't like the...
DAVID PYPER
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to ...
HENRY DAVID THOREAU
He automatically put handcuffs on me. I asked him why he was arresting me. The officer who was searc...
BRUCE WHITE

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
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My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
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It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
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I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
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Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
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In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
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More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
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Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
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A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
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The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
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The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
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Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN
My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN
I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN
Subjectivity is objective.
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The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN
These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN
You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
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This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
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The heart wants what it wants.
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We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
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Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
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