The proposal was a big part of the reason I left. It was killing me to be out on the road every week representing the U.S.A. and not have the firepower needed to win every battle. It was like going to war with a BB gun.

I don't believe in killing whatever the reason!

Alan does it for the right reasons. It's not for the money and fame. It's about conquering the sport.

I can sleep at night knowing that for the last two years I gave everything I had for the ski jumping movement in my country. I have dedicated myself more than I thought I could and ended up working 100-hour weeks desperately doing any and everything I could do to break through -- all with a tiny budget and no support staff. When I realized that my aspirations and expectations were higher than the reality of our situation, I knew I had to retire.

This was my dream job, the one I've always wanted, but it takes a lot out of you every day. I'm still going to be cheering for the Ski Team, but I'm taking a step back and I'll be rooting from a little farther away.

Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!