The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.

Age only matters if you are a cheese.

Learning a foreign language is pointless, I’m not even allowed to talk to strangers.

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

If only common sense were more common.

The difference between running and walking is a lot more apparent when you have to go to the bathroom.